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North Carolina

vent

**Warning: will probably be long and may or may not make any sense since I'm pretty upset about the situation.So, I have this cousin who is maybe 3-4 years older than me.  I have seen her around 3 times over the past 10 years.  She has always avoided family get togethers, moved to California for about 4 years and moved back here about 2 years ago, but its no different because no one sees her anyway.  A few weeks ago she joined facebook, and has commented on almost every single status update I make.  Fine, I'm glad that she is back on the face of the earth.  On Wednesday she sent me a private message saying that she was sorry that she doesn't see anyone in the family, she has been sick and didn't want anyone to know (she has lyme disease and who knows what else, and EVERYONE knows), she tried to hide it from the family it has cost her so much but she was glad that we were back in touch.  Then she said she was sorry that she would miss my shower this weekend but she has had a lot of doctor visits lately and needs to rest.I was kind of in shock when I read it, I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything.  I put it in the back of my head and have been thinking about what to write back to her.  I have a big family and there have been lots of complications, misunderstandings and hurt feelings over the years.  I felt like I needed to tread carefully.  This morning I got a message from her titled "I won't bother sending these anymore..."  and she said that she told her mom that I didn't respond to her heartfelt message and her mom said that I never bothered to respond to my mom or grandma either, so she wasn't quite so offended anymore.WTF?  At first I felt terrible about it because I was planning on responding I just wasn't sure what to say.  Then I got really really really mad, because I have barely heard from her in 10 years and now because she can reach me with the click of a button I am supposed to get back to her within 24 hours?  I guess she thought I had ample free time because I had updated my status a couple of times, but that takes 2 seconds and 0 brain power.  I don't sit in front of my computer all day conversing with my friends, 99.95% of the time I am working my @ss off.  And as for saying that I don't respond to my mom or grandma, that is ridiculous and incredibly hurtful, not to mention an outright lie.  I wrote her back this morning briefly, just kind of saying what I already said here...that I understood how honest and open she was being and that I didn't know exactly what to say.  I don't know if it will help.  I don't know if I care.Sorry that this is so long (but I warned you!), but I just needed to get it all out.  Thanks for reading.

Re: vent

  • grace_ugagrace_uga member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think you handled the situation appropriately.  It sounds as if she is just looking for instant sympathy and support because she is kind of self-involved.  I would ignore her comment about your Mom and Grandma because she clearly was just trying to be hurtful and doesn't have any personal knowledge about your relationship.  Sorry you had to deal with that...
  • edited December 2011
    i agree with grace....i am so big on honesty is the best policy even if you think its going to hurt someones feeling and telling her exactly what you said in your post is what you needed to do. her being sick is unfortunate but you are also planning a wedding and i cant help but wonder if she isnt trying to draw some attention to herself by bringing her mother into it and throwing other family members into it by mentioning your mom and grandma, that was totally uncalled for and seemed like she was lashing out to hurt you on purpose.
  • edited December 2011
    Bleh... seriously all I can say is, sometimes some people just want to make it ALL about themselves. If I dont get a response from someone after about a week, I usually will follow up and ask if they got the message. But 2 days? Come on. AW if you ask me.
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