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African American Weddings

Have you ever.. Sorry for the length.. Just need to get stuff of the chest.

Lately, I have been wondering if the wedding I am planning is really not the wedding for me.. Why you ask? I will tell you.. This dream is slowly drifting to a nightmare.. It started with FI sister wanting to do the food for the reception. At first I was excited and everything. My thought was this will save us money. As time and conversations went by I got mixed emotions about her being able to handle the number of guests we invited. First, it was the meat I chose. What meat I chose? Chicken. Then it was the stoves at the reception were going to take to long to cook the chicken and therefore, the chicken would not be ready to serve. So after all of this I decided to go with the reception hall package which includes table, chairs, linens, silverware, glassware, and food. I thought everything was good. Boy was I wrong. I got a call - FI sister.. She was wondering why I didn't call her to be in the wedding? Maybe I'm wrong but I thought your bridal party was suppose to be people you know and love not neccessaryily the FI sister. Anyway, my thought. So she goes and states that she is hurt because I didn't ask her and that she thought we were cool... One minute I'm doing the reception, the next I'm not.. Yada, yada.. To keep things kosher between myself, the FI and the sister.. I explained to her that I thought it would be better and efficient to let the reception hall handle everything for one price and you could be a guest and just come and enjoy the day. Of course, this was not good enough. She wants to be apart not because its all special but everybody else is in the wedding. Who is everybody else?? I tell.. FI 2 brothers, mother and father. Moving on, she agrees to be in the wedding. Now on to the dress. I have chosen a dress that compliments my dress.. To me.. She wants to add straps to her dress. My exact words were ok but make sure they are detactable so when we take pics you take them off. Mind you were are taking pics through out the ceremony.. But anyway.. The problem? I tell you.. This is just one example of people thinking its there wedding and not mind. At this point I do not want a full blown wedding. I just want to go and stand in front of the preacher say my vows and have the reception and forget about the rest.

Re: Have you ever.. Sorry for the length.. Just need to get stuff of the chest.

  • edited December 2011
    *contract with them
  • ak1226ak1226 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    This is where you have a come to Jesus meeting. This wedding is to celebrate the love between you and your FI, not a fashion show. I understand the catering situation and you compensated by allowing her to be in the wedding, but now put your foot down. Are you allowing the other BM's and wedding member to alter their dresses? If not, explain to her that life is not fair and if she is not able to abide by the terms of your union celebration, then she can sit in the audience. Nip it in the bud now before it goes wayyyy to far.
  • edited December 2011
    So maybe this is not the best way to handle planning but here is what I am doing and this is really working out <so far...>.I am not discussing any details/plans with those closest to me (fam & friends) before making decisions.  They are guests at our events and I want them to enjoy them all. They are updated via the blog after the decisions are made.So all of the planning details have been hashed out between me, FI, and the planner.  Less cooks in the kitchen.  This has also trickled over to not discussing things b/t me and FI so much with friends/fam either and we have actually enjoyed folks out of the bizness, ya know?Go minimalist on there a$$.  Focus only on what is important to you and FI and BE SELFISH during this wonderful time in your lives.  It's OK.  People will get over it.  Trust me.Cicy
  • ChristynahChristynah member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I know exactly how you feel. Don't let his sister or anyone else get the best of you. Fi's sister had and still has an issue with not being in the wedding. She was and still is pissed of. BUT Guess what! that didn't change my mind to not have her as my bridesmaid. Her and I are not close at all, she barely speaks to me when I'm around so why would I ask her to be in the wedding. My point is don't let her or anyone else make you change your mind about your original plans for the wedding. Well keep praying about it.
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  • edited December 2011
    girl you have gotten some really great advice this morning...and I totally agree with everyone's input...at the end of the day you and FI want to sit down and say "THIS WAS TOTALLY ABOUT US!"...right now you can't say that (based on your post) because you are trying to be nice to everyone...your & FI's wedding is just that, your & FI's wedding - it's not about them!!...ladysun & ak1226 have said it best, you gotta squash it now and take hold of your wedding with everyone involved...if you picked out the BM dress with a look in mind for all, then there should not be any changes to the look unless it's to add something you wanted not what the BM wanted - THE END...if FI's sister cannot accept and respect your wishes, remove her from the BP now and save the stress of having that negative energy that will give...peace with with you girl during this time and GL and remember, we're here to help you when you need us.  :)
  • Panda16Panda16 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I totally agree with PP's. I don't understand how some ppl can ASSUME they're obligated to be in your wedding party just because you're marrying into their family. They don't have any consideration for the fact that the wedding party is a special group and it's on an invite only basis.Anyways... and with the reception, I had so many family members offering to cook, clean, bake and sew. Since I decided to have a DW, it toned down considerably but they want to do stuff for the AHR. I'll accept it since I'm not paying for that and the wedding happened already.Point is, you've seen too extremes here... family who is willing to go all out to help (and it doesn't work)... and family who is willing to be selfish (and it doesn't work).
  • Panda16Panda16 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    And I'm just rereading what you wrote and it's your FI's sister wanting to do both... If I were you, I wouldn't let her cook cause if you put your foot down about the dress... she may get vindictive.
  • aquarius125aquarius125 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with pp! This is you and your FI's wedding! If you don't want her in then she is not in it PERIOD! End of discussion now if you are cool with her being in it then great. She needs to wear her dress just like everybody else or throw ur a$$ the deuces! Its just that easy! Don't let nobody stress you out! I agree with Mycicy on this one just make ur decisons and then inform ppl that way there is no room for discussion. My FI's sisters are in our wedding b/c we cool but we all have an understanding that this is OUR WEDDING! and everyone gets along grreat!! But I am going to say this one thing: PPL no matter how  they are change once you get that ring.
  • edited December 2011
    Everyone is right!!! I am putting my foot down today.. This has been on my chest couple days too many.. I am calling the store to make sure she didn't have them to make changes and then I am calling her and letting her know.. It aint happening.. I have been very nice during this process up to now but I see you can only be nice for so long or people will start to take advantage of you and take your JOY.. Thank you post and and your prayers.
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