Wedding Etiquette Forum

Family's planning to disown him

I really don't know where else to put this. There doesn't seem to be a "family issues" board on the wedding site, just the nest site.Here's some background. Fiance's Indian. I'm not. His parents have threatened to disown him if he marries a non-Indian woman. They've been making this threat long before I met him, so it isn't me personally they have a problem with, just my ethnic background.We haven't told his family about our engagement yet because I'm trying to postpone his losing them as long as possible. He lost touch with most of the extended family for various reasons years ago. He has no contact with any family in India and little contact with any family in the States outside of his parents, younger brother, and one aunt (dad's sister). His brother, he says, expects us to get married and won't cut contact with him.His parents and aunt, however, have told him numerous times that should he choose to marry a non-Indian woman, he will be "dead to them." I cannot for the life of me fathom how anyone could actually give up on family, especially for this, but there's nothing I can do to stop it from happening. He says he won't change his decision to marry me, and that their reaction won't bother him, but I suspect it hurts him more than he's willing to let on.How do we handle this situation? We'd planned to invite his brother to the wedding. Should we extend an invitation to the rest of the family as well? On the one hand, they'll likely ignore it. On the other hand, these are the people who raised him (and did a darn good job, at that; he's amazing) and I don't believe they will be able to just turn their backs on him without feeling SOMEthing. What's the best way to deal with this?

Re: Family's planning to disown him

  • Okay, by way of update (sorry, life gets in the way of my posting here). His parents told him a month(ish) ago that they wouldn't disown him if he married a white girl, whereupon he told them about the engagement. They are not thrilled that he wants to marry me, but they are no longer threatening to cut him off.HOWEVER. His parents, despite having told him that they wouldn't disown him if he should marry a white girl, have not given up on the idea of setting him up with an Indian girl anyway, nevermind the engagement. Just last week they were trying to set him up. He's loyal to me, and he turned them down flat. I know better than to worry that he will give into their pressure, but that doesn't mean it's fun for me to know that his parents will never think I'm "good enough" for him just because I don't "match" and because I had a child before we met.I'm not going to dwell on it because it really isn't all that important. We're together, we're happy, and that's what matters. I'm pretty sure they will still keep trying to set him up until we get married. But we can't rush the wedding (we set it up so that it happens at the end of our degree programs), so we'll just have to deal with it.
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