Chit Chat

No Name Changing

This is just a general question for the group: How many of you are not changing your names when you get married? I'm not changing my name (not even hyphenating). When I told my sister she said it was weird. It's not weird to me... It's actually completely normal for me, cause I can't imagine having any other name. (Keep in mind, I'm not slamming anyone who does change their name.) I'm just curious to know who else isn't changing their name...
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Re: No Name Changing

  • salt78salt78 member
    First Comment
    I'm changing mine, but I know plenty of girls who didn't. I even know a guy that changed his name to his wife's. Whatever you want to do is cool.
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  • Yeah, my fiance considered changing his name to mine, but decided to just keep it as is.
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  • I thought about it for a long time. I really like my name, and I hated giving up that tie to my family. In the end I decided to change it, but I understand the desire to keep it the same. And I definitely don't think it's weird.
  • I keep going back and forth w/this constantly. There some emotional reasons as to why this is hard for me...I just can't decide.
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  • I'm not changing it now, but I suspect I will eventually.  I want my name on my law degree.
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  • When my mom/dad got married, my mom changed her last name but also made her maiden name her new middle name (ie: Jane Doe Smith"). I also have two friends at work who added their maiden names to their middle names (ie: "Jane Sarah Doe Smith"). That way, they kept their birth names but added their husband's name without the hyphen issue. You rarely use your full middle name anyway, but it is enough for them to still feel connected to their family. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. I will definitely take my husband's name (I am a teacher and his name is a lot shorter/easier to spell than my maiden name! LOL), but I may keep my maiden name in some form as well. I understand your dilemma...it is hard to think of myself NOT having my maiden name!
  • tbh33tbh33 member
    First Comment
    Where I'm from, it's quite normal for women to take their husband's last name and keep their maiden name as the middle name.  I took a class with a girl who was from the north US, and she said that she thought it was more of a southern thing.  But I think it's definitely a good compromise if you want to do both but not hyphenate the name.  But my dad keeps trying to tell me to keep my name, but thats just because my FI's name is a doozie.  However, I'm quite sure I will take his name, and I have been since we first started talking about marriage.
  • oooo i dont know what to do.  i know my fi wants me to take his name.  we have the same first name, so we will have the same first and last name though!
  • I also have two friends at work who added their maiden names to their middle names (ie: "Jane Sarah Doe Smith")A new CA law in effect this year won't let you do this.  Friggin' ridiculous.  I was going to do that for my name but they wouldn't let me, so I just kept mine.
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  • I know lots of women who've kept their maiden names. A lot of people have been surprised that I changed my name, because I've been a lawyer for 14 years and they figured I'd want to keep it for professional reasons. I actually changed it on my admissions too, so now I'm licensed to practice under Larissa A. Marriedname, Esq. Dropped my maiden name entirely.
  • I'm having the same problem.  I'm not a feminist or anything, but I feel really connected to my family and the last name.  I think it's been harder since my grandmother recently died too.  She was a huge influence on my life, and I'd kind of like to honor her by keeping the last name.  Plus, I don't like my fiance's last name.  Maybe I'll just add my current last name to my middle name or something.  Who knows.
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  • I'm not changing my name...eventhough about 90% of my family thinks its weird. I want my name on my doctorate....i worked hard for it! :) FI doesn't mind!
  • My FH's last name is such a common last name, and I just don't want it. I am probably going to hyphenate, however we are currently talking about both taking each others names and hyphenating them (eg. Brown = me, Smith = him, so we will be the Brown-Smith's).That way neither of us feel like we are giving up anything and we are both respecting each other by taking each others last name. I've had mixed reactions. My Nana is proud and said she wished she could have kept her last name and my parents were shocked and all but yelled at me. They think I'm insulting my FH by not taking his name. He hasn't told his family yet because he is scared of the reactions.
  • Not changing mine. I love my name! I considered hyphenating, but FI doesn't want me to take his name. Long story behind that one, but his last name isn't his last name so he's not attached to it.
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  • I just added his name to mine.   I personally do not have an opinion one way or another. Funny enough my dad does not like that I didn't remove my maiden.  He  is old school.  My MIL thinks it was silly for me to add DH's name. People have tend to have strong feelings on this subject.






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  • I'm changing mine. My last name is so long it will be nice to have a short one. I don't know anyone who kept their maiden name, everbody I know has always changed it.
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  • I kept my name.  I just never really saw the point of changing it.  I'm happy with my decision.  I've gotten some cool reactions and some really stupid ones.  (My mom said that if I kept my name, our children would be bastards.)  If they don't like it, too bad.  It's not their name. 
  • I've really enjoyed everybody's responses to this question-- It's just so interesting to hear the different reasons people have for changing/not changing. I was actually surprised that I didn't see anyone who cited "tradition" as a reason for changing their names... That makes me happy and proud of this generation of brides. (Not that tradition isn't a good enough reason, it's just nice to see people aren't afraid to move away from it.) And to the one who said she doesn't like her FI's last name, I'm so with you! :)
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  • I was very set on not changing my name but then my Dad and I had a talk about everything and he said that there had to be a compromise that made us both happy. There was... I am changing my middle name to my last name and taking my FI last name. I am very happy now and so is my FI! :-)
  • I ended up changing my name because it was really important to my DH.  I think it's completely fine and not weird at all to keep your maiden name.  It only matters what you and your FH think...not what anyone else thinks.
  • I'm changing my last name to his, because I want to have the same last name as my children..(When we decide to have them).
  • I'm having the same problem. I'm not a feminist or anything, but I feel really connected to my family and the last name. what exactly is wrong with identifying as a feminist? particularly if you feel your strong beliefs tie-in with such? theres no need to give the disclaimer im not a feminist or anything.personally i think if you choose to keep your name:great, if you choose to change your name:great.the only other question i have is why is it often the CHILDREN of marriges with whom the mother kept her maiden name, are given the fathers last name? was the womens last name not acceptable? or only the "second choice"
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