Not Engaged Yet

How many already knew?

My future fiancee (yeah, I don't know the abbreviations yet hehe) and I have been talking about getting married for a long time. She knows I want to, and I know she wants to. She knows I'm going to propose, but has no idea when or how. She's already shown me the ring she wants, and I have the money to get it, I just want to make it special.Anyone else already know it's coming, just not when? Most of my engaged or soon to be engaged friends thought we were a little strange for doing it this way, but it made perfect sense to us!

Re: How many already knew?

  • edited December 2011
    I think a lot more people than you think are doing it the same way or something similar. Especially the girls on this board. My bf and I have looked at rings .. and talked about it enough that I know we are getting engaged in the next couple months. It's whatever is right for you as a couple. It was important that we were on the same page.
  • jagore08jagore08 member
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    edited December 2011
    My DH and I were together for 10 years (Yes, we know that's a long time) before we were engaged. At about year 7 I told him he had until our 10 year anniversary, never thinking he would actually take that long. On our 10 year anniversary we planned on a picnic for lunch. Just beforeI left the house to meet him he got a card in the mail from Robbins Bros. (a jewelry store I told him about a long time ago). So with that and the 10 year deadline :) I figured something was up.
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  • edited December 2011
    It is about knowing what you and her both want. I think it's great that you are on the same page. My boyfriend and I have already planned our wedding - booked our venue and everything! But he's just waiting to pay off the last of his debt before he gets the ring. We get the same reaction from people, who don't know whether to say congratulations or not. But I still think the proposal will be a nice surprise!
  • tpaigejrtpaigejr member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's funny because I never really questioned how we did it. It was the right thing for our relationship. I just wondered how common it was.
  • edited December 2011
    I personally think it's a little ridiculous if women don't have any idea at all that the proposal is coming.  It makes me think that the couple hasn't discussed marriage/kids/future enough.  Marriage is a big step in life, and decisions like that should never be a surprise to either party. That said, I think it's pretty common to do what you and your future FI are doing.  For myself, my FI and I went looking at rings so he'd have an idea of what I liked. After that, it was up to him.  He definitely surprised me with when and where.
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  • edited December 2011
    I know we're going to get married, I know he plans to propose, I know kind-of what sort of ring he'll buy.I don't know when, where, or how he'll propose. Which is fine by me.He was wary of talking about it at all, because he's got some old-fashioned ideas of how things should go. However, he also knows me... and I HAVE to know things. I'm not very patient about things that involve me, and I always make my thoughts known on every subject.So, we have to compromise on things like "surprises." He's got to give me just enough info to keep me in the loop, but not enough to let me guess the details.It works for us, and I think it's great. :)
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  • edited December 2011
    I already know it's coming, given that:a) He told me flatout that he was planning on proposing this year.b) He has already asked my family for their blessing.c) He let me pick out the ring.However, even though I know it's coming at some point, I don't know exactly when, how, or where he'll do it, so there's still a major element of surprise. What little I do know does not take away from his proposal in any way. To be honest, I'm just thrilled with the fact that we get to spend the rest of our lives together, I'll be thrilled regardless of how it goes down. ps. Our mutual friends and our parents are well-aware of the impending proposal (he's actually told our closest friends what he's planning on doing), and they don't think it's strange at all, they're just happy for us. Best of luck... :)

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  • edited December 2011
    I know it's coming soon. Within the next year.. i dont wanna know anything else but i did need to know it was coming. It's just nice to know that he's the one and thinks i am too. It's a nice sigh of relief just to actually KNOW a proposal is coming. I dont think it takes any surprise out. I think it takes the worrying or wondering what or if he's thinking the M word..
  • edited December 2011
    It's actually pretty common for women nowadays to know that a proposal is coming - most everyone on this board has an idea that it's coming but not the when, where, and how. My fiance and I picked out my ring together but I had no idea he had bought it and I had no idea when a proposal was coming but I knew it was going to happen.I agree with Noelle about the the whole surprise factor - the proposal itself can easily be a surprise even though your GF knows it's coming but the idea of marriage should never be a surprise.
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with pp'ers.... marriage is a huge decision, and requires a lot of prep (not just vendor prep, but making sure you both are on the same page with important life issues, etc.) I am always more shocked to hear people say they were 100% surprised by a proposal, and had never discusssed marriage with their partner before getting engaged. IMO, I think its better to be have talked about it beforehand.
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  • ericswifeyericswifey member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    short version: ditto all pp's (previous posts)long(er) version: I'm pretty sure that the engagement being a complete and total surprise is a thing of ancient past. I know some couples still proceed this way but in a society that is so liberal regarding sexuality and cohabitation and etc, this is not the majority. I know my BF will eventually propose because we have talked about the future and marriage and whatnot. I don't know the details, but that's about as much "surprise" as I care for. If he just popped the question out of the blue one day, I probably wouldn't take him very seriously, and definitely wouldn't say "yes" without knowing his plans for the future (kids, etc).
  • edited December 2011
    Ditto all of the above. I know we're getting married, we've talked about the wedding to figure out how long we'll have to save to have it, we're already committed to each other as if we are engaged. But we're waiting until bf gets a new job (laid off in March) before we actually get engaged and start planning. Same as above, for us it makes more sense for this to be a mutual decision.  
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