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Am I wrong for being a little upset?

roscoe4meroscoe4me
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in Pre-wedding Parties
So I'm a little peeved at my Fi and his Best Man....we are not super young and we have kids so the whole wild/crazy bach parties weren't going to happen.  However, I was all for getting a night out with the girls and all that.  Well, my fmil suggested maybe we could do our parties together-I was fine w/that....brought it up to my fi and asked him to talk to his bm and let him know that was the plan.  So I plan this whole party thing-there are 35 people going and 90% of the people are my fi's friends(my friends pretty much suck but that could be a whole other post).  I got an email from the Bm's wife saying that the Bm wants to get guys together for the weekend to go play golf w/my fiance-bm wants to know when my fi is available....seriously-wtf-first of all I dont think the wife should have emailed me...the bm should have talked to my fi and not act like I have to give my fi permission to do that.  Second-it bothers me b/c I would have not done the group thing if I would have known that he was going to have a couple parties.  I'm not about to have my bridesmaids try to plan one now-things are just too crazy.  What would you say to your fiance?  I want to tell him not to go, but I also feel like he should have nixed the idea right away....dont mean to sound babyish, but I am pretty certain that if my party involved going away for the weekend I wouldnt be able to swing it(responsibility of 4 children)....sorry for the winded posts-I'm probably just overreacting.....
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Re: Am I wrong for being a little upset?

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    ffmaidffmaid
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ok Best Mans wife was wrong. But she was right that you are trying to put the kibash on teh guys fun and was probably trying to stop your interfiering.But really it is Fi that you need to communicate with. Does he have 4 kids or do you or do the two of you together? If they are his kids ask him who he intends to have watch them. If your kids then it is not his problem If both of your kids you can put limits or say only 2 days of all you. But FI is making the choice to accept or decline. However, It sounds like it was not clear to the gm that the couples party was in lieu of individual parties but may be in addition to. It is one long weekend if you can find it in you to just let him go that would be idea
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    Leah&Christian09Leah&Christian09 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    While I don't have kids, I've learned with my husband that everything in a marriage is not always going to be "fair" and that everything doesn't have to be tit-for-tat.  I would never throw a fit about my husband wanting to go away for a weekend just because I couldn't do the same.  I love my husband and want him to have a good time and be with his friends.  If the situation ever arose where I could do something and he couldn't, he would want me to have a good time.  As far as the joint party, you shouldn't be hosting it yourself.  If your friends or his friends or both still want to throw it, cool.  If not, such is life.
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    ellie_4ellie_4 member
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    edited December 2011
    I am 31 and my dh is older, I just had my bach party (we are renewing our vows in church) we are having a co-ed party, we have kids and are older as well, but honestly, I'd let him do it, I think it's rude she 'asked for permission' but I'd let him hang out with the guys!! Are you more upset at the fact that your gfriends aren't doing something big with you? I'd be upset about that honestly. Sure you are older with kids, but you deserve your fun night out too. It doesn't have to be wild and crazy.
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    roscoe4meroscoe4me
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Please dont misunderstand- I am in NO way trying to "ruin" a good time for my fi....I am mainly upset at the fact that the bm wife emailed me and that my fi and I decided together that we were going to have a coed party.  My fi has gone away many weekends and spends time with his friends often(when he wants to).  I by no means think that it is always "fair" nor do I play that game.  I was mainly venting my frustration on the board b/c I felt it was the best place to get something off my chest w/o causing a problem between my fi and I.  I have not and will not tell my fi that he cant go(now or ever)......again the reason behind me posting on the board instead of saying something to him over nothing....also I said in my original post that I am probably overreacting-I am super stressed right now and do not want to add to it by fighting w/my fi or anyone else.  I appreciate the good advice....as for ktjanesmom-how about you stop following my posts and bashing me....you have no idea about my life or why I am remarrying-I owe you or no one else and explanation and you really should go back and get your bible and see what God has to say about judging others.  You are not even a bride to be-maybe you should try doing something worthwhile with your religious views.  I will continue to report you.
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    kindge_03kindge_03
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow...rude roscoe4me! I think it's time to recheck your bridezilla level. I know you're a month out from your wedding, but c'mon. I didn't feel like anyone was "bashing" you, I thought she calmly and correctly gave advice that YOU asked for by posting.Good luck to you...but especially to your fiance!
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    crysnewcrysnew member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    roscoe: First things first. BREATHE. Second: Have the BM talk to your fiance. Let them figure out their schedule. You have more important things to do. Third: as previously suggested, ask him who he is hiring as his kid's babysitter.
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    roscoe4meroscoe4me
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Kindge-I'm not upset at any of the previous posters by any means....let me explain-there WAS someone on here that bashed me her screen name is Ktjanesmom she posted a comment under this tread saying "it doesnt matter what the reason is, someone who has four kids should not be wearing a white wedding dress and trust me, im not the only one thinking that. I bet she is wearing a veil too. Be honest you're thinking the same thing and so will probably everyone at the wedding." Now she posted some thing else in one of my other threads and I reported her.  She was bashing me b/c I have 4 kids-the knot must have deleted her post but it was still emailed me and that upset me.  The whole reason I posted here was to get different opinions(which I grately appreciate) and to get that off my chest w/o making a big deal over pretty much nothing. Sorry that you thought I was being rude, but I take great offense to someone who doesnt know me or my situation talking about me or my children and no one deserves to be talked to that way especially b/c her comments had absolutely nothing to do with my question/problem.
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's understandable to be upset but I think this is the BM's way of trying to ask if it's "OK" by you.  So the wife talks to you and says, "Hey, I know you were thinking this but my husband wants to do this for your husband.  Are there any issues? "This way it's cleared by you in advance.  And as long as you trust your FI, then please don't make a stink.  I can understand your desire for a joint night out but if the guys want to do something as just the guys, what's the harm in that?  Think of how lucky you are to be marrying a guy that his friends want to celebrate him. 
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    daydreamwandererdaydreamwanderer
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think you have a right to be frustrated. You and FI agreed on something, and now BM is trying to go around that and plan something in addition -- and somewhat at the last minute! Even if all four kids are yours, your FI is taking them on in the bargain with marrying you, and I would hope by now he's a pretty big part of their lives. Maybe you can ask BM's wife to babysit for the weekend (evil cackle) while FI is out of town if he decides to go. :) Since it's just a golf weekend and not some grand 'last hurrah', you could also consider talking with FI about rescheduling it for a more convenient time, when everyone is less stressed, like after the wedding. Your FI loves you. He wants to see your happy and emotionally stable. If you sit down and tell him "I want you to enjoy time with your friends, but with less than a month to go until our wedding, the idea of you going out of town for a whole weekend is making me feel really stressed out," I think he'll be very understanding. Then you can move on to "How can we make this work so that you get to have fun, but I don't start tearing my hair out and end up with a bad comb over at our wedding?" Every relationship needs strong communication. I know you guys will be able to work this out for everyone's best interests if you sit down and talk about it. :) Vent on the Knot, then talk rationally to FI. You'll be okay!
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