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RSVP with no response card

dannlauragethitcheddannlauragethitched member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
OK, I don't know if it's just me, but if I received a card that asked for an RSVP date, I'd just contact the person who sent it.To save on postage, and since etiquette "rules" told me I didn't really have to include one, we didn't use response cards in our invitations. Now I've gotten a flood of emails, text messages and such asking how they're supposed to RSVP. There is a return address on the envelopes. I'm panicking now, thinking I maybe ruined my DIY invitations. Thoughts?
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Re: RSVP with no response card

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    wadingmoosewadingmoose member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Proper etiquette states that RSVP's should be written on personal stationary blahblahblah.Unfortunately, most people don't get that and have no capability for thinking for themselves.  So...

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
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    NuggetBrainNuggetBrain member
    First Comment
    Why do you think the person would have bothered to send out an RSVP card if they didn't want people to respond on the RSVP card?  You didn't give them ANY option to RSVP?
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    karenttroublekarenttrouble
    First Comment
    Uh yeah you should have put in a response card.  Did you want people to write a letter?  WTH?
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    zippitybzippityb member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    You didn't put a phone number or email address or anything on the invites? No wonder they're confused.
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    aimerzkd214aimerzkd214 member
    First Comment
    Were people just supposed to know to send you a letter themselves to let you know if they are coming.  Didn't you want an accurate head count?  I can't imagine why you would not want RSVP cards so you could have an accurate had count.
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    J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    So I know proper etiquette indicates a person is supposed to reply on their own stationary.  I find this to be outdated and not really utilized (at least in my area/social circle).  So if I got an invite without a response card, I would not think to write that person a letter back.  I would call, or email, because that would be what was convenient for me.  Because it was convenient for you to not have to pay my postage, I'll do what's convenient for me.

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    bel138bel138 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    My 88 year old great aunt would have "gotten it." But the approximately forty 25 year old former frat boys on our guest list would have no fuucking clue that you're even supposed to respond.
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    wadingmoosewadingmoose member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    It makes me sad that on an etiquette site people don't really know the actual etiquette for this one.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
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    becs11048becs11048
    First Comment
    I had to read your post three times I was so confused Unless you put in a response card people won't know what to do  
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    GeekGurlGeekGurl
    First Comment
    So, you included an RSVP date but no means in which to respond?  Yup.  I think you got what you deserved - questions on how they are supposed to respond.
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    NuggetBrainNuggetBrain member
    First Comment
    It makes me sad that on an etiquette site people don't really know the actual etiquette for this one.Knowing the etiquette doesn't mean that everybody else does.  RSVP cards are included in almost all wedding invitations now - in fact, there is an entire generation of people who have no clue that RSVPs aren't, in fact, the proper etiquette.  Which is why you include them.
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    GeekGurlGeekGurl
    First Comment
    Wading - I know the etiquette.  But unless she asked something like, "A reponse by mail/email/website is requested by blah blah date" most people would have no clue.
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    SwedishChick2011SwedishChick2011
    First Comment
    It's fine not to have a response card, but there should have been something explaining how to RSVP, such as phone, e-mail, or website.  If you didn't tell them how to RSVP, no wonder they're confused. 
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    aimerzkd214aimerzkd214 member
    First Comment
    Moose I think I have heard of this before but I have never seen it utilized and I don't think anybody in my social circle would have any idea this was proper etiquette.  if it is not done very much how are people supposed to know about it.
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    tlv204tlv204 member
    First Comment
    Oh oh I knew that one!!! Probably because my E. Post wedding etiquette book is from 1978.  The author (I think it was Elizabeth Post for that one) actually got angry that she had to write about it, saying "It is regrettable that it is necessary to write these paragraphs, but the custom of enclosing response cards with wedding invitations is so widespread that it must be discussed" (73).  It gets funnier after that, but man this woman really did not like response cards. Anyway, though, I'm still not surprised that no one knew what to do to RSVP, particularly people who have never planned a large formal event before.
    Leo says hi. He's...special.
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    GeekGurlGeekGurl
    First Comment
    If I received an invitation like that I'd either call her with the information or email her since that's standard communication in this age. It's really just common sense.-- Which is what her guests did and she's complaining about it in the OP.  Therefore, the responses that she should have included a way that she preferred they respond.
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    MofongoMofongo
    First Comment
    I lurk here sometimes. I'm laughing at this being an actual etiquette board. There are post on this same page about cat balls and underage drinking... There may be a few people on here who are etiquette savvy, but most seem pretty average (including myself). It seems most people are just here for entertainment and opinions, not hard core etiquette, regardless of what the board is called.
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    J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    I'm going to have to side with Moose here, that it really is proper etiquette.However, I'm realistic in that people don't even know what to do when there ARE response cards half the time.  There is no way I'm trusting people to figure it out on their own when I send mine out.

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
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    wadingmoosewadingmoose member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    No, Geekgirl, they apparently called her and emailed her biitching about not having response cards spoon fed to them.That's different than an email or a phone call saying "Hey, put me down for 2 for the wedding.  Can't wait!"

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
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    wadingmoosewadingmoose member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    For the record, I'm doing response cards.  But they are not required.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
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    GeekGurlGeekGurl
    First Comment
    Wading - Sorry, I fail at comprehension.  You are correct.  I'm replying in between multi-tasking @ work.
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    wadingmoosewadingmoose member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I saw that.  NP.  :)

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
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    lpstllpstl
    First Comment
    That rule is ridiculously outdated, so much so that I'm sure if you had asked for recommendations here prior to sending out invitations everyone would have told you to send response cards. I think you should send emily post a disgruntled letter and ask her to update her shiit.
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    Kati0105Kati0105
    First Comment
    I seriously doubt any of your guests are familiar with proper etiquette.  I do think it is weird that they would text or email you "How do I RSVP?" instead of just writing "Count me in for two" but it sounds like eventually you'll be able to get their RSVPs.  Too late to worry about it now.
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    zippitybzippityb member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    According to the Countess LuAnn Delesseps, etiquette exists to make other people feel comfortable. If people are uncomfortable with no RSVP information, it seems that the oldschool Emily Postness is outdated. And pointing out improper etiquette is improper in itself. She is a reality tv star, and thus I trust her teachings.
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    dannlauragethitcheddannlauragethitched member
    First Comment
    Well, there is a return address on the envelope, and everyone got a separate mailing (with maps, hotel information etc.) AND a save-the-date with our website, email information and two phone numbers. I don't care if they mail a letter or call, whichever is most convenient for them. I just found it odd that people would call to ask how they were supposed to r.s.v.p.What did people do before the internet.....? No one even knows how to use a phone anymore?
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