beer and wine

mhbraymer · May 2011

So my fiances family are very big drinkers and i personally dont like beer or wine and didnt even want it at the recepton because people in my family dont drink and i dont want to offened anyone like my grandparents. My FML doesnt agree with me at all ad is making me feel bad for my choice. The other reason as i didnt want them to get wasted on my big day like they normally do when they all drink. Does anyone have any opinions on what i can do to make everyone happy.

SD3194 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_beer-wine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:2da79bfe-5e7e-48b7-bd61-8968e0676a28Post:06dd192f-2e31-45d7-8ece-a2fd3e81e7e7">beer and wine</a>:
[QUOTE]So my fiances family are very big drinkers and i personally dont like beer or wine and didnt even want it at the recepton because people in my family dont drink and i dont want to offened anyone like my grandparents. My FML doesnt agree with me at all ad is making me feel bad for my choice. The other reason as i didnt want them to get wasted on my big day like they normally do when they all drink. Does anyone have any opinions on what i can do to make everyone happy.
Posted by mhbraymer[/QUOTE]

Just because you don't drink alcohol doesn't mean you shouldn't offer it to your guests. Dry receptions are fine but I think they are better received if you have an afternoon wedding. IMO, an evening reception should have alcohol, I can see why your FML is concerned.

Also, please change your mindset of "I don't want people wasted on my big day." It's a pointless worry and will just cause you unnecessary stress. I've always been the rowdy, party girl but when I attend weddings I act appropriately. I would be beyond offended if the bride didn't want to serve alcohol because she thought I would get "wasted".

If you do have a dry reception you should understand that people will not stay as long and there might not be as much dancing. It's just the nature of the beast.

unplainjane · May 2011

it's your wedding so you can decide if you want a dry reception or not. personally if you're having an evening reception i would be disappointed if i came to a dry reception and i don't even drink that much. if a dry reception is for religious reasons though i would completely understand but that doesn't sound like the case with yours. like PP said if the reason why you want to have a dry reception is because you don't want people to get wasted then that's not really a good reason not a serve alcohol as you have no control over people's actions. servers are supposed to cut people off if they've had too much anyways.

ewurgler · May 2011

Provide beer and wine. It's not about you, it is for your guests.

mhbraymer · May 2011

its an afternoon outdoor reception at my parents and many people in my family are very reigious and we are not having servers and they dont know how ti cu themselves off.

jessicabessica · May 2011

Is your FMIL paying at all? If she is, you need to listen to her preferences. If she's not, I think you have valid reasons for not serving alcohol. Like SD said, you not drinking and your concern about people getting wasted aren't really great reasons. But I do think that having a lot of religious family (especially if your parents are hosting and don't drink for religious reasons) and having it at your parents are good enough reasons, especially for an afternoon reception.

mhbraymer · May 2011

no my family is paying.....

Sue-n-Kevin · May 2011

I don't think this is one of those situations where you can come up with a "win/win".

- Your family is paying, and the "money talks": they can plan the wedding they can afford
- The party is at your parent's home, and they can decide the type of party they want to throw.
- It sounds like the family you are marrying into has a different idea of what a "party" is, and they want to drink. You will not have servers, so there isn't anyone who can monitor how much anyone is consuming.
- This last point makes your family liable in some states for allowing someone to drink too much then leave, perhaps injuring someone with a drunk driving accident.
The only way I see around this is to talk to your future inlaws and decide upon a local restaurant or bar where everyone can go for an "afterparty". Since your reception is in the afternoon, plan on everyone staying for a few hours to wish you well, then your husband's family can move on to a "neutral" location to be decided upon. You can choose to include this "afterparty" information in your invitations, or not. Whether you and your husband choose to go to this party is entirely up to you. You've eliminated the liability from your family, and allowed your new husband's family to have the style of party they'd choose. However, I would not offer to pay for this, your future inlaws can offer, or the guests pay.

For what it's worth, we had a very similar situation with a friend's son's wedding. He was in school to become a minister, and the afternoon reception (at a hall) was dry. There was an "afterparty" at the bride's parent's home, with tables and chairs in the yard, and plenty of booze. They were willing to do this, and assume the liability of having a guest over-imbibe and leave their home. Perhaps your inlaws would host a party like this?

As I said, it's not a "win/win" situation, but probably the easiest way to keep this from becoming a bigger deal, and allowing your parents to host the party they want to, or can afford. You can always use the "money" aspect with your future inlaws, ie "We are throwing the party we can afford at OUR home".

Good luck.

CassieeK · May 2011

If your family is paying and you/they don't want alcohol, then I wouldn't have it. Since your wedding is in the afternoon, that lowers the expectation of alcohol. As a guest, I would not mind one bit if I attended an afternoon reception and there was no alcohol. If it were in the evening, I'd be disappointed, but even then I would assume the couple had their reasons for choosing not to provide alcohol.

I look at it like this. Whenever I go to any kind of event, it is what it is. I don't stand there being pissed that it isn't designed with my specific tastes in mind.

matuofm · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_beer-wine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:2da79bfe-5e7e-48b7-bd61-8968e0676a28Post:6edb5c8e-c1af-4376-b51b-c5d8621712fc">Re: beer and wine</a>:
[QUOTE]The only way I see around this is to talk to your future inlaws and decide upon a local restaurant or bar where everyone can go for an "afterparty". Since your reception is in the afternoon, plan on everyone staying for a few hours to wish you well, then your husband's family can move on to a "neutral" location to be decided upon. You can choose to include this "afterparty" information in your invitations, or not. Whether you and your husband choose to go to this party is entirely up to you. You've eliminated the liability from your family, and allowed your new husband's family to have the style of party they'd choose.
Posted by Sue-n-Kevin[/QUOTE]

Sue, I think this is a great compromise. I understand everyone's concerns about "fun" at a dry wedding, but when you add the fact that the parents are paying with the fact that it's AT THEIR HOUSE, I feel like the most responsible thing is to respect their opinions here. And since it's an afternoon wedding, I think a "fun" afterparty makes a ton of sense and keeps your FILS happy.

On a slightly more petty (and admittedly childish) note, I think it also adds a delightful touch of "put your money where your mouth is." If your FMIL feels comfortable guilting you about being a rotten hostess and disregarding the comfort of the hosting family, at least she'll see that things can be improved upon if she contributes instead of just criticizing.

mhbraymer · May 2011

thank you all so much for your opinions they were great and will really help make are decsion,

happy planning!

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