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Oh, the waiting...

BF and I were having a discussion about getting ready to move and money and such. I asked how much he has in the bank right now, since we need quite a bit to move. He got evasive and wouldn't tell me. I got worried that he has been spending on clothes and trying to hide it (he has a spending habit that we've talked about and worked on), but he said it wasn't anything like that. And, of course, gave me that look, like it was the ring. He said he doesn't want me knowing how much he has one way or another because he wants it to be surprise. It would seem that he's getting ready to make the purchase. Something is definitely up because he usually isn't secretive about things. I got all twisty and nervous at the thought. I had been feeing really BSC for a bit, and then it subsided. Blargsldkfjdsklf!

I'm pretty sure it won't be for awhile, but the weird behavior reminded me that it's really coming!

Re: Oh, the waiting...

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    AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Or maybe he blew it all on online gambling.

    Don't worry about his finances.
    I'm not good at feelings.

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    seevansolomonseevansolomon member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Nah, he doesn't care much for gambling.

    But seriously, is it frowned upon to ask those types of questions? Money is a difficult area to navigate, and I personally have had a rough go when trying to discuss it with BF. I still can't help but worry about it. He knows I have this issue, though, and we've talked about it at length. I have wanted to ask about financial stuff on here before, but I figured it's been discussed.
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    seevansolomonseevansolomon member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I will have to check back in tomorrow, time for bed. I'd welcome advice on the topic of waiting or finances.
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    marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    seevan, if you and your BF are talking about getting engaged, I think it makes perfect sense to talk about finances to some extent. If he seems on edge about it, maybe wait a little while--like a few months. If your BF is anything like my BF, he takes a lot of pride and ownership in his money, and he'll talk about it here and there, but will feel trapped if you bring it up in any way that could remotely suggest you feel you have any claim on his cash, especially if you're not even engaged yet.

    It's so exciting to be at this stage in your relationship, so enjoy! Just try to take things one day at a time. Smile
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    edited December 2011
    My FI and I did talk about money when we needed to before we got engaged. I think it is okay under certain circumstances to talk about money. If you live together or are going to live together I think is is very important to be on the same page about finances so you know where the money will come from and who is responsible for what bills etc.  It is important in those cases to be very open with each other about expectations.

    I don't think I'd ever ask just because I was curious or something like that.  FI and I both make enough to have spending money and for now, that is our own. We do often spend it on each other, but if we want to do something on our own, like go out with friends, neither of us has an issue with the other spending their money as long as the bills are paid and we have enough saved in case of emergency.

    I hope this helps!
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    seevansolomonseevansolomon member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is definitely something that I will be learning to work on for awhile, esp with the move coming. Let's just say I have trust issues with money from things in my past, not related to BF. He has been pretty honest with me more now that we've have some frank discussions, and he knows where I'm coming from. He wasn't really on edge or anything about my asking. He seemed pretty clear that we are okay financially, so I let it go and will for awhile. He did also make it clear that he wants to surprise me. That part was supposed to be more the focus, but I should have left out the money details. Thanks!
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    lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If I wasn't engaged- and Andrew told me that "we were okay financially"- that's all I would need to know. I wouldn't push it further.

    However- if we were engaged to be married- and had some big joint financial things coming up- I would push to know.

    Andrew and I still have a lot to talk about regarding finances when the time comes. His parents had seperate accounts- which he likes. And my parents had a joint account- which I like.

    So we'll see what happens when the time comes.
    LilySlim Weight loss tickers
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    edited December 2011
    Yeah...you're being BSC.
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    seevansolomonseevansolomon member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I looked back at the post, and it does have that BSC-ness to it, so I can see why you'd say that. I probably shouldn't post when I'm half awake. I think if I were BSC about getting engaged, I would try to do something like sneak a look at his account to see if he bought a ring or whatever. I might be a little crazy at times, and I know I have those money issues, but I can assure you I'm not that BSC.
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    seevansolomonseevansolomon member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Lunar, BF and I also differ from our family experiences about how to handle money. I am still learning and make mistakes. I really didn't know it was too pushy to ask how much he has. After our talk, I think we will keep our separate accounts, but have a joint one for rent/utilities/groceries for when we move. We will talk more about the details when engagement occurs. I would love to take a couples class on finances. BF's parents are CPAs, but they aren't really an objective source.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_oh-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9cea619d-c2ae-43a3-9588-a0b77d9046eePost:644526a6-9219-45e7-b735-9b7864682631">Re: Oh, the waiting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Lunar, BF and I also differ from our family experiences about how to handle money. I am still learning and make mistakes. I really didn't know it was too pushy to ask how much he has.<strong> After our talk, I think we will keep our separate accounts, but have a joint one for rent/utilities/groceries for when we move</strong>. We will talk more about the details when engagement occurs. I would love to take a couples class on finances. BF's parents are CPAs, but they aren't really an objective source.
    Posted by seevansolomon[/QUOTE]

    <div>Don't do this. There is no reason for you to have a joint account, just decide who is responsible for what. </div>
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    edeegedeeg member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    If you have a joint account just have it for rent/utilities. Figure out how much is needed each month to cover everything and each of you deposit a percentage of that amount (50/50, 40/60, whatever). I wouldn't use it for groceries just because a bunch of stuff on the grocery list could be random, especially if you shop at WalMart! Just be strict with a joint account, esp if you're not married  or engaged yet. Keep it to things like rent, electricity, water and cable. Set ground rules for it, like if one person buys a pony with the rent money then they have to pay it back in. Honestly, if I couldn't trust my BF with money I wouldn't be moving in with him in the first place, let alone have an account with him, but that's just me.

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