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September 2009 Weddings

Another sticky situation...

Mk.  So I switched BM dresses a few weeks ago to those J Crew dresses that were on clearance.  They came in, but they sent me a dress two sizes smaller (I think, she keeps her size a secret) than what she normally wears.  She wanted to try it on before I returned it, though, to see if she could fit it.I drove the hour to see her today, waited an hour, heard nothing from her, so I left the dress on her porch.  I just texted her to see if she had tried it on, yet, and whether or not it fit.  This is what she sent me back, "Yes, I will fit in it.  I can zip it halfway up and then button the top, there's just the rest of the way to zip up that I need to lose the weight for and it'll be good!"I love her to death, but she has been trying to lose this weight for three years, now, ever since she had her son, and it just hasn't happened.  I never in a million years would have asked her to lose weight for my wedding and now I feel horrible that she feels like she has to.  I keep telling her that she's beautiful the way she is and to not worry about the weight at all, but how do I respond to that text without sounding like I don't have faith in her?  Yesterday she said something along the lines of, "No, I know you love those dresses, and I want you to have them in your wedding.  If I can't fit into that dress then I just won't be in the wedding."  She's been my best friend since we were 11, she has to be in my wedding! :(

Re: Another sticky situation...

  • Theres no way to change the size? Are they completely out?
  • Yea, they are completely out of that dress in any size now in the entire country.
  • And I have pointed out a million times that we still have the original dresses and I have no problem with the girls wearing those, but she has seriously convinced herself that she is ruining my wedding if the J Crew dresses don't work out.
  • Ooh, I am not sure what to do in this situation then. What does she plan on doing if she doesnt lose the weight by the wedding? Tough one.
  • She's determined that she will.  And if she does I'll be so proud of her because, like I said, she's been trying to lose this weight for 3 years, so if she finally did it I'd be so excited for her, but not because of my wedding.  And maybe my wedding is just something she is using to really motivate herself, I just hate that she's setting herself up for potential failure, because I don't know if it can really be done in that time frame.  I don't know how to point that out to her.
  • Ugh - Tough situation. My cousin who is a BM ordered her dress 2 sizes smaller than the store recommended because she wanted to force herself to lose weight, so I had a similar story there. She was very offended if you even brought up the idea that she could potentially not fit into the dress, so I just left it alone but at least we had 5 months before the wedding after they came in in case something had to be done. Supposedly it now fits her (i hope that's true) and we'll see on wedding day. I'm having duct tape on hand just in case ;) I think you just have to trust her and bring the old dresses just in case... I can't think of another solution really. I hope it works out!
  • OK, so the funny side of me says, if she can figure out a way to lose the weight in six weeks, let me know, because I want the secret! I have eaten so much lettuce I look like a damn rabbit! Anywho, if she is remotely like me, all the weight dropping in the world won't get the zipper over the girls. I can't tell you how many dresses I try on that zip half way, it's just the way some of us are built. Even when my a$$ was down to a 6 (and I doubt that will ever happen again), I was a 12 on top.On a serious note...Did you notice how much fabric was in the seam allowance? I know, I'm probably the only anal one here who checks things like that. Even if there are only three seams and they can each be let out 1/4 inch, that may be enough to zip it up (and if she loses a few lbs on top of that she'll be golden). Do you know a good seamstress/alterations person? Aside from that, they may be able to add a dart or panel under the arms (think of a V on the side seam under the armpit. THis probably would not even show if done well (but I am not sure of the fabric). You have my email if you have any other alteration questions. I wish I was closer to help IRL.
  • Amber - Yea, I think I'm going to have to just sit back on this one.  I just feel so horrible, ugh!  That's good your cousin said she fits in hers, now.  And I'm making a mental note to add duct tape to my emergency kit, haha.NY - I don't know any good seamstresses, and either way, I'm not sure BM would hear of it, or that either of us could afford it.  The material is textured, too.  She's always been curvy, but not top heavy...hopefully it works out? :\  And your lettuce comment, ha, I'm totally afraid she's going to starve herself like that!  Not good!
  • LOL, well at least it is left over lettuce from last night's visit to the Cheesecake Factory! I am not sure cilantro and lime dressing is the fair replacement for cheesecake, but it is yummy and htey gave me enough for three days...lol.
  • Aw! I would definitely keep the old dresses on hand since they fit. Hopefully the rest of your bridal party doesn't care either way. I guess if she needs it let out a bit a seamstress could do that and it's not a huge deal.
  • I don't know how much this would help but what if she got something like Spanx. I know sometimes when something just doesn't quite fit, all I need is something to help "smooth" things out... kind of putting things where they belong.
  • Spanx are pretty amazing as far as taking you down a dress size.  Are your original bridesmaids' dresses already altered or do they need to be?  PP's are saying to bring them as back up, but do they need to be altered for any of the girls?  That's a toughie.  If not, then bring them along of course to the wedding if you have to do a last minute switch.And I would worry about your friend losing a lot of weight in just 45 days.  How much does she need to lose?  She might be able to pull of 6 or 7 pounds...10 might be a bit much in less than two months...I think they say 5 lbs a month is healthy.  I would definitely look into having the seams let out if you can...that alone shouldn't cost that much with an honest, helpful seamstress.
  • Eeeek. This is sticky:( If she's determined to lose it...you can't really do much about that. It sucks that she might not in such a short time frame, but you have to let her do what she's gonna do in the end. If it doesn't work and the dress still doesn't fit you should just let her know that she means more to you than the JCrew dresses (I'm sure you already have). If she still decides to sit out, there's not much you can do:(
    Rachel's Nest

    Audrey Pearl
  • Thanks Rach...yea, I guess I just have to ride it out.  :\Tar - The original dresses were custom made on Etsy, so they don't need to be altered at all.  I told the other girls to make sure they bring both dresses.  I know that altering the dress seems like the obvious decision, but that is my whole issue - I don't know how to present something like that to her without sounding like I don't have faith in her to lose the weight like she says she will.  :\  She wears body shapers (multiple ones) on a daily basis, but I don't know if she has any strapless ones...I'll have to ask her.Thanks for all the help everybody. :)
  • What about ebay?  Sometimes when J.Crew has things on final clearance and you can't return them, people put them on ebay if they don't fit--I've done it and found things on there I wanted that others snatched up before I got to the sale.  Also, keep checking J.Crew--I swear stuff has left the sale website before and come back a week later.  Those stupid stock tracker things don't work worth anything. 
  • could you mix and match? Have some girls in the J Crew dress, others in the Etsy dress? I don't remember (sorry) what the Etsy dress looks like so, I am just asking, in case that'd be an option for you and your BMs.    
  • The Etsy dresses are black satin cocktail dresses, which is why I switched, because I decided they were too formal for the new plans, and one of the other BMs really hated them, so I thoooought I was fixing a problem, not creating a new one!  I don't think they would go well together, but that is definitely something to consider.  Hmm...
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