Moms and Maids

Braids maid dilemma

So I have a fairly large group of core girlfriends and I can't have all of them in my wedding it would just be too much.  I'm going to have my sister in law, whom is like a sister to me, and my very best friend.  I want the other girls to feel included and special somehow without having them in my wedding party....any ideas? please help.... Embarassed

Re: Braids maid dilemma

  • edited December 2011
    Maybe they can do a reading, or perform music/sing if that is their talent.  But any other job (other than bm, reading, or performance) is a crap job. 
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_braids-maid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:44b727d2-a8b1-4593-bfc2-c40b08d635e2Post:7354e7ad-0d61-4c8f-9cf5-b28a7ecb410c">Re: Braids maid dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe they can do a reading, or perform music/sing if that is their talent.  But any other job (other than bm, reading, or performance) is a crap job. 
    Posted by marinabreeze[/QUOTE]

    Agreed.
  • edited December 2011
    Guest book attendant, cake server, handing out programs. They should feel honored with any duties you give them
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  • tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_braids-maid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:44b727d2-a8b1-4593-bfc2-c40b08d635e2Post:a53d4d98-4a2e-48c3-8be3-f8d8c04ddafb">Re: Braids maid dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]Guest book attendant, cake server, handing out programs. They should feel honored with any duties you give them
    Posted by greenturtlelove[/QUOTE]

    No they shouldn't.  These are all pity/crap jobs.  I especially have a big problem with your statement that they should feel honored at any duties you give them.  This is something a child would say about her wedding day.  An adult would know that her wedding day is not "her" day and that she should not expect the world to fall all over itself to be part of "her special day."

    OP - just invite them.  Weddings are damn expensive and are getting smaller and smaller.  Gone are the days where everyone you, your FI or the parents have ever met are invited.  Just being invited is an honor.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_braids-maid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:44b727d2-a8b1-4593-bfc2-c40b08d635e2Post:a53d4d98-4a2e-48c3-8be3-f8d8c04ddafb">Re: Braids maid dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]Guest book attendant, cake server, handing out programs. They should feel honored with any duties you give them
    Posted by greenturtlelove[/QUOTE]

    Those are not duties that one should be "honored" by.  Those are pity positions and are simply ridiculous to ask a friend to do.  Friends don't ask friends to do scut work.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If your choosing to have a small WP that is fine (FYI, I have seen large WP up to 13 ppl and never heard a peep from anyone bashing it) but prepare that you friends can't do a whole lot then because after WP there are only a few things that you can honor them with like reader, being a usher, or having them perform if they are talented in the music area. The cake server (which I have NEVER heard of or seen), guestbook attendant, personal attendant are very meaningless to most people (been a guestbook attendant and its so boring, only little kids who probably like it). 

    Remember just being a guest to be at your wedding is a honor. 
  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_braids-maid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:44b727d2-a8b1-4593-bfc2-c40b08d635e2Post:a53d4d98-4a2e-48c3-8be3-f8d8c04ddafb">Re: Braids maid dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]Guest book attendant, cake server, handing out programs. They should feel honored with any duties you give them
    Posted by greenturtlelove[/QUOTE]

    I'm not surprised you would think this way. Your 18, just engaged, and posted on another board you want to be "whatever" about your FMIL because she's concerned about you two getting married at 18! This right here shows your lack of maturity and understanding of people and relationships.
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  • edited December 2011
    It's honour enough to be asked as a guest.
  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Ask them as your guests.  They will feel honoured to be a part of your special day.  Showing up is taking part in it and they will likely have more fun than if they are working. 
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_braids-maid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:44b727d2-a8b1-4593-bfc2-c40b08d635e2Post:9ebfc589-4c90-4cb1-ae1f-6d47d68a731d">Re: Braids maid dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]What is a braid's maid?  You're having your hair braided or what?  So the girl braiding your hair has an attendant?
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_braids-maid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:44b727d2-a8b1-4593-bfc2-c40b08d635e2Post:3062109a-f224-4738-9287-8b0fe428d37b">Re: Braids maid dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]If your choosing to have a small WP that is fine (<strong>FYI, I have seen large WP up to 13 ppl and never heard a peep from anyone bashing it</strong>) but prepare that you friends can't do a whole lot then because after WP there are only a few things that you can honor them with like reader, being a usher, or having them perform if they are talented in the music area. The cake server (which I have NEVER heard of or seen), guestbook attendant, personal attendant are very meaningless to most people (been a guestbook attendant and its so boring, only little kids who probably like it).  Remember just being a guest to be at your wedding is a honor. 
    Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

    I'm sure they were silently judging. I would be.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Meh, it was mostly made up of family besides 2 childhood friends (both Bride and Groom had large families), the Groom had 9 guys (6 siblings/cousins/BIL and 3 friends). I personally don't side eye people for a large WP, if they have that many people that are really close to them then more power to them, it's definitely not my place to judge someone's choice of who is worth being up there. 
  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If someone offers to throw you a shower or bachelorette party, you can make sure these girls are on the guest list.  Other than that, just make sure they know how special they are to you as friends.  No made-up title required.
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  • edited December 2011
    You could have one be your personal attendant. Others could be in charge of the guest book, hand out programs, do readings during the ceremony, or if they're musicall inclined, perform at either the ceremony or reception. I'm sure they will understand you can't ask everyone. If you are that close to them, you might even include them in some professional wedding pics.


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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_braids-maid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:44b727d2-a8b1-4593-bfc2-c40b08d635e2Post:275a6789-13f6-482a-aabb-c443ca2db7fe">Re: Braids maid dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]You could have one be your <strong>personal attendan</strong>t. Others could be <strong>in charge of the guest book</strong>, <strong>hand out programs</strong>, do readings during the ceremony, or if they're musicall inclined, perform at either the ceremony or reception. I'm sure they will understand you can't ask everyone. If you are that close to them, you might even include them in some professional wedding pics.
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]
    No, no, and no.  Busywork =/= honor.  Personal attendant is the worst of the three, because day-of coordinating is a LOT of very tiring work that makes it impossible to just sit back and enjoy the party, which is something I would hope you would want your very closest friends to be able to do.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • RMacQueenRMacQueen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If someone asked me to be their "personal attendant" I would be so offended. Please don't do this... ever.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_braids-maid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:44b727d2-a8b1-4593-bfc2-c40b08d635e2Post:a53d4d98-4a2e-48c3-8be3-f8d8c04ddafb">Re: Braids maid dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]Guest book attendant, cake server, handing out programs. They should feel honored with any duties you give them
    Posted by greenturtlelove[/QUOTE]

    HAHAHAHAHAAAAAaaa...oh wait...you're serious.  Wow...

    And what the heck is a "personal attendant" anyway?  Is that the person who holds up your dress when you have to pee?
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  • edited December 2011
    Nothing says "love ya like a sis" like indentured servitude.  Seriously?  People honestly think to ask their friends stuff like this?  Shoot, I feel bad even asking my MOM to help me!
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  • chuygrl77chuygrl77 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_braids-maid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:44b727d2-a8b1-4593-bfc2-c40b08d635e2Post:9ebfc589-4c90-4cb1-ae1f-6d47d68a731d">Re: Braids maid dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]What is a braid's maid?  You're having your hair braided or what?  So the girl braiding your hair has an attendant?
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    I thought this too...this is the only reason I opened this post was to find out what a Braid's Maid was/is. 
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  • courtski2004courtski2004 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Guest book attendant= who DOESN'T know what to do with a guestbook? If people still give friends menial jobs like this to 'make them feel included', it must be rare. Not honorable.

    Cake Server= the messiest part of the wedding, not honorable. Please ask someone at your venue to do this, not someone who has dressed up for the occasion who doesn't want to be given THAT kind of a job. Don't give people JOBS that require an apron. COME ON.

    Program hander-outer= ever heard of a basket? Who wouldn't know what to do if they saw this? The exception that I can think of is if an usher is handing it out while they are seating people.

    I agree with PP--readings are a great way to include friends who might as well be BM's at the service. If they volunteer to help, thats different--I have friends that aren't in the wedding party who want to help put programs and favors together. A fun but not demeaning way for them to be an important part of your day. And wine is included :) Fun times!
  • cddkbscddkbs member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You could ask your friends to be ushers or greeters.  They don't have to hand out programs or pens for the guest book.  But then again, maybe they just want to enjoy the wedding....
  • beamer84beamer84 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Why not plan a non-wedding-related party with just you and these core friends?  Do something you all like to do but don't often get a chance to.

    Also, you can invite them to the bach party and shower.
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