Community› Local Wedding Boards› Hawaii
Hawaii
New Discussion

choosing bridesmaids

camieaciocamieacio
10 Comments
in Hawaii
I have been a bridesmaid in so many of my friends weddings (8) in the past couple of years. Is is rude if I do not ask them to be in my wedding party? I am working on a smaller budget, and cannot afford the dresses, shoes, flowers, hair and make up. I also do feel comfortable asking them to pay for themselves since the all paid for me during their weddings. Would it hurt your feelings if one of your bridesmaids didn't ask you to be in their wedding?
Report Reply to Post

Re: choosing bridesmaids

  • kwippykwippy member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Personally I wouldn't be offended since  I know how much cost is involved and I would rather have the bride not feel any obligation towards me.  One of my bridesmaid just got engaged and she has a lot of female relatives that expect to be in her wedding party, and I assured her that I wouldn't be offended if she didnt ask me.  But bottom line, pick whomever you want, it's all about you :)
    Report Reply
  • carrieoz_76carrieoz_76 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    They may look askance at it, but you are *not* obligated to pick any of those girls as your BMs!  You need to go with what you can afford given your budget - even if that's just one person.  If anyone else is sad/upset, you can honestly tell them that you're doing a smaller wedding due to budget, but you would really hope they'll be a guest and celebrate with you.On the flip side, 2 of the 3 girls who will be my BMs got married in the last 2 years, and I wasn't asked to be their BM.  One had only her sister as MOH and a small wedding, the other had no BM at all.  I didn't even think about that when thinking about who I wanted standing there with me when I got married.Just go with what works for you and your FI!
    image
    My Bio
    Report Reply
  • mauidandymauidandy member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I struggled with that a bit too, I'm one of the last of our friends to get married and I was always the bridesmaid, never the bride! There's no way I could have included all of the girls in my bridal party...even though I stood up in their weddings. And I really think they will understand...and probably even be a little bit relieved that they have been spared the extra cost!
    andrea and ryan . june 2010 . maui.olowalu
    image
    My Planning Bio
    Report Reply
  • nahokulelenahokulele
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am also one of the last to get married, and IMO don't even stress yourself with this kind of stuff.  Of course, I say that after I totally stressed about it--I decided to have only my three sisters and was so worried that I would upset my two best girlfriends b/c I knew they assumed they would be in the bridal party. Long story short, I had really nice conversations with them individually (after getting knottie support here on the board of course!) and let them know that it doesn't have any reflection on our friendship, that they are super special to me, and that FI and I just wanted a small, family-only wedding party.  They were very understanding, much more so that I could ever have imagined.  Now I'm just sorry that I lost so much sleep over it!  ;)Good luck--go with your gut and your heart, whatever they are telling you--it's usually the right thing to do.
    image imageimage Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • inamrainamra member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, you don't have to ask someone to be your bm just because they asked you to be theirs. I only had 2 bms (and that's incl my MOH) so it was definitely hard esp since I had 3 roommates in college and I chose 2 out of the 3...but I had a small wedding and like you, a small budget, so I did talk to the 3rd girl about it and she totally understood, no hard feelings. So if you guys are close, then maybe you can explain your situation to her so she can understand that it's a budget thing and not a friendship thing...
    Sept 2008 Wedding | May 2010 & Mar 2012 Babies
    Report Reply
  • M&M's_MauiM&M's_Maui
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I was in the same boat, too.  I was either going to have a WP of 3 (2 sisters and 1 then FSIL) or 10!  I was MOH in 2 wedings and a BM in another.  So I wasn't even just a BM in these weddings... I was actually the MOH in 2 of them!  While trying to decide, I spoke to one of my cousins (I was the MOH in her wedding last year) and she reassured me to do whatever made most sense to me.  She said even if feelings get a little hurt, ppl will understand (herself included) if we needed to keep the wedding small.  In the end we decided to have 10 but that's 'cause I really, really wanted those girls standing up next to and with me!  Go with your gut honey.  People will understand.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards