last name thoughts?

aminor7 · August 2009

I'm wondering what you all think of this. I very much do not want to change my last name. I have a doctorate and am becoming established in my career, I'm the last bearer of my name (no uncles, no cousins, no brothers), it's very quirky and unique, and I like it! It just isn't the right choice for me to change it. That being said, I went to a wedding recently in which the groom took the bride's last name as a middle name, and both of us doing that seemed like a pretty good solution. I haven't found any examples of women doing this, so I'm wondering what everyone thinks. So if I'm Anna Jane Lennon, and he's Jay Michael McCartney, after our wedding I would be Anna Jane McCartney Lennon and he would be Jay Michael Lennon McCartney.

aminor7 · August 2009

He totally supports me keeping my name, but this is a fairly new idea we've just started talking about. We both have it "under consideration."

handfast4me · August 2009

I didn't change mine the first time, and I didn't change it the second time, either. (I was married for 18 years, and have now been married for 17 months). Both my first husband and current DH have are very comfortable with their masculinity, so they didn't have a problem with it. I wanted to pass down my name to my children, as my dad had no sons and no brothers. And, because DH has a very complex name, he actually considered changing it to mine. (His name is Ukrainian and ends in a Z, for crying out loud!) I am in a profession in which very few women that I know have changed their names, but I also know of several couples where he has changed his, and at least 2 couples in which they just took an entirely different new family name. It depends on the couple, what their professions and family situations are.

SpringBride1114 · August 2009

It is 100% your personal choice. My mother is engaged now, the woman her FI was last married to has the same first name as my mother (weird I know) she my mom REFUSES to take his last name. She is a bussiness owner to, so it would be DOUBLE paperwork. I am taking my FI's name, I just have never liked mine, and our son has his. As long as your Fi is not hurt by it, do as you please, it is going to be your name forever and ever

cmkuno · August 2009

I actually really like this idea. I have also been struggling with what to do about my last name. I am also a professional, just getting established in my career, and I really don't want to change my name. And frankly, I like my last name, and have always disliked the symbolism of taking on your husband's last name. However, I know he would really like me to have his name in there somewhere, so taking on an extra middle name actually sounds like a really great compromise that could work for us too. I say go for it!

Pirata13 · August 2009

I am doing First MyLastName HisLastName. Not for career purposes as much as I am almost 40 and I am attached to my last name! Also, I have done theatre for several years, so I would like to maintain it (as middle name) for consistency.

Leah&Christian09 · August 2009

I think it's a really cool idea. You have to do what is best for you individually. I also knew I wanted to keep my last name, so I thought about different options. In the end, I decided to just stay the same. I can see why adding each other's names would be symbolic and more meaningful than just keeping the same name.

sol_star · August 2009

I think that is a wonderful idea esp if your FI supports it.

chasegl · August 2009

I've known one couple who did a jointly hyphenated last name. They both changed their last name to hermaidenname-hislastname. Also, just so you know, my mom kept her previous name as her professional name, but took my step-dad's last name in her personal life. So basically she's known by both/either. It's worked well for her for 17 years.

LRPardy · August 2009

I knew a couple who changed their name to the same hyphenation so they would be John and Jane Lennon-McCartney. I didn't know them before the wedding so I don't know who's name came first.

crazycatladyk · August 2009

I know a couple where they made up a combination of the two names and both assumed that last name, and another where they took the wife's name. I'm in the opposite dilemma - I hate (hate hate hate! hate!) the symbolism of taking a husband's name, and my FI agrees - if anything he is uncomfortable with the idea of women surrendering their names. But my current name is long, not very nice sounding, and almost impossible to spell/pronounce. The only thing it has going for it is that it's cool and ethnic. Think along the lines of Waczynchzickyjanuschkeiczsowksi - it's THAT kind of Polish surname. FI's name is short, easy, nice-sounding and a breeze to read/pronounce. I'd rather have that name, but also don't want to change my name simply because I'm a raging feminist and I Don't Believe In That. Because mine is so long and his is so short, they sound dumb hyphenated and really mine can't stand to be any longer than it already is. We both like my mom's awesome maiden name, but if we both took that I think it would hurt my dad and paternal grandmother's feelings, which I don't want to do. Sigh.

BoxerMomma24 · August 2009

Keep your last name in honor of your family and your career. My aunt did the same thing - my grandparents put her through medical school and she became a prestigious neonatologist. She kept her maiden name to honor her parents as they put her through medical school, not her husband, aside from that, he's a jerk and the family hates him. So we get a nice little kick out of calling her Dr. X and him Mr. A. Evil, I know, but it's fun. I'm sure your FI isn't anything like my uncle. You can also make your maiden name your middle name and take FI's last name. I'm doing that. I can't stand the thought of losing my last name and I loathe the idea of hyphenating a name. GL.

karamischa · August 2009

it's definitely a personal choice but i don't see anything wrong with what you want to do as long as you are both happy with it. plus, having both 'lennon' and 'mccartney' in your name? so awesome.

s.dice · August 2009

I absolutely think you should do what makes you happy. I really like my last name, but I also like my FI's. They both start w/ the same letter, so my initials wouldn't change if I just took his last name (dumb, I know), but I can't seem to get past the thought of losing my last name. So...I, too am going to keep my last name as an additional middle name (Jane Marie Smith Sloan).

mandapanda78 · August 2009

I agree with pp that the origins of the name change are cringe-worthy from a feminist perspective. However, for me feminism has always been about choice, i.e. choosing to be a stay at home mom instead of doing it because you were expected to. In the same line of thought, I'm taking my fiance's name- not because I have to, but because I like his name very much and I want to!

SuMmErKuTiE · August 2009

I agree with pp.. I am definitely taking FI's name after our wedding not because I have to but because I want to. When you get married, two become one. We will share the same name because we will be looked at as one. It also makes life easier. If you don't take your FI's name, most people will assume you have anyway. Everything addressed to the house will be for "the Smiths" your children's friends will refer to you as Mrs. His Last Name. It also makes everything simpler when you have children, everyone has the last name because you're a family, plus it also makes things simpler for bills, bank accounts, insurance, etc.. I can't wait to marry FI and take his name. But it's every woman's choice when she gets married, and these days it seems like more woman are choosing not to.

anwallette · August 2009

This was something that I struggled with as I am in a similar situation. I have my Masters and will be getting my Ph.D in a few years. I have papers published in my name and have made quite a few talks also with my maiden name. My fiance said that he is completely fine with it and said that he would find it weird to have me called "Mrs. Chambers" because that reminds him too much of his mother.....something that I really don't want! Go with your gut.....you can always change your name later on! I just know people who did change their name and then regretted it because they had papers published in their maiden name and now was a "nobody" in the publishing world when it came to citation searches. Good luck!

MelanieD314 · August 2009

I have a situation very similar to Anwallette. I also have my Masters and am already published, etc. and will be getting my Ph.D. in a few years. In addition, my mother was the last person in the world to have her last name, so my parents fought in court so I could have her unique Italian last name. I have four brothers and one sister, so hopefully the name will carry on in some way. My dad has a somewhat common Italian last name and did not care that we all took my mother's name. My fiance's name is EXTREMELY common--think along the lines of Smith or Jones, and we are considering three options: MyName-HisName for me and HisName for the childrenMyName-HisName for everyone (which his brother and sister-in-law chose when they got married)HisName-MyName for everyoneWe have not decided, but I think MyName for everyone is out of the question, which is okay by me. I do, however, know a few couples where everyone took the woman's last name. No one really thought it was a big deal and was offended by it, so it really depends on you and your fiance.One word of experience, though--having a mom and a dad with different last names has provided a few difficulties and questions along the way for me and my sibling. Often people did not associate my very-involved father with us until they saw us together as a family years later. That is why all of my choices have both names in for at least one of us.

Krissimarie · August 2009

I have a friend who took his wife's last name. It just all depends on what you want to do. I am keeping my last name for work purposes, as I have already established myself in my career and my co worker had changed her last name when she got married last year, and has had cleints think she has left and gone some place else. Plus my last name is well known in our area due to my grandparents businesses and my parents businesses, which is a puls for my profession. I will take FI's last name for legal purposes.

BenandDina · August 2009

I think it's a very personal choice, and you should do what's right for the both of you and sits well with both of you. I also have a doctorate, and my Dad to whom I am very close doesn't have any sons, so I made my maiden name as my middle name, and took my DH's name. At work, I use Dr. Dina Maiden Name Last Name, and in my personal life, I use Dina Last Name. That was what was comfortable for both my DH and me. My Mom, who also has a doctorate never took my Dad or my Stepdad's names, which is kind of funny - both of them have very common Jewish last name which end in -stein, but my Mom's maiden name is a very unique Ukrainian-Jewish last name which only 7 people (all our relatives) have. It was fine with both my Dad and my Stepdad when they got married.I also know someone who merged her last name with her husband's (eg. if her last name was Jones, and his last name was O'Toole, they became O'toolejones).I say, do what feels right for you guys.

ashleygfranco · August 2009

You'd be the Lennon McCartneys! How can you Not want to do it?

amy41710 · August 2009

As some of the other ladies have said-- it is all about you choosing what you want. If that is what makes you happy, and it works for your fiance, go ahead! I personally am choosing to take my fiance's last name, but I might feel differently if I had already become established in a professional sense. Good luck with whatever you decide!

hillaryeggert · August 2009

Of course, do what you want.Just seems to me that that's a whole lot of name-age for one person, and if you don't intend to introduce yourself that way (which it doesn't seem like you want to do, because this would be a second middle name and not a joint last name), is anything really gained?Just my two cents. Do whatever you're both comfortable with!

samantha sue · August 2009

I agree with the posts go for it and keep the family name alive and dont confuse the career. if you are both fine with it i dont see the problem

last name thoughts?

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