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Friend Performing Ceremony

mandycandy7118mandycandy7118 member
First Comment
in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
Ok, so my fiance is dead-set on having his best friend marry us (ala Joey in Friends). I have been supportive of this decision so far, but am starting to freak out due to the "legality" of it.The friend has been talking about becoming a minister (via the internet) for years now, but has never done it. We offered to pay for him to do it so that he could perform our wedding, but he has declined our offers thus far. I keep asking my fiance about this but he seems to think it's no big deal because he thinks his friend wouldn't let him down and that I'm making a mountain out of a mole-hill. I don't want to keep questioning the trustworthiness of his best friend since first grade but honestly, what's a bride to be to do!?What do you ladies think - should I just trust him and his friend to make sure we actually can marry or should I tell him point blank that this is (DUH!) really important to me and we need to either make official plans with his friend or I will find us another officient?Your thoughs, feelings, and opinions are all greatly appreciated! :)
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Re: Friend Performing Ceremony

  • kristiwasherekristiwashere
    10 Comments
    Firstly, I was always given the advice not to let family/friends marry you. When my dad was remarried, we flew to California so his extensive family could attend. My grandfather is a preacher, but my father declined to have him marry him, because it can be a very emotional moment sometimes and it was easier for him not to. Instead, my grandfather served as my father's best man, and recommended a friend to marry them. There's that point, and also, if this friend cannot hurry up and get ordained to ease your mind, i would have a backup. If your date is getting nearer, set a deadline for him, and say if he's not ready by that time you will have to go ahead and book someone else. It may sound rude, but seriously, you can't be left hanging on your wedding day!!
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    You need to call the county (or town, if you're in Mass and other New England States) to see if this is legal.  In a couple of states, you don't even need an officiant--you just sign the license, register the marriage, and you're done, getting your certificate of marriage at a alter date. In Florida, you need only have a notary perform the ceremony (which is what we did, we found a great one with our belief system), but in other states, like the one we live in now this is not legal.
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    alter=later.  ARGH.  Not enough coffee yet. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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  • mandycandy7118mandycandy7118 member
    First Comment
    Thank you all for your fantastic responses! I think I will talk with my fiancé and his friend and discuss a deadline I feel comfortable with; thanks for the advice Kristi. And it hadn’t even occurred to me that it might not be legal, so thanks for the heads up Handfast! Question for you: so if we end up not actually needing an officiant, then it doesn’t matter if he is ordained or not, right? We can have anyone we want say whatever we want wherever we want and just go for it? I’ll be checking the laws in about 10 seconds. Lol. Also, thanks for the recommendation Stage! I’ll have him look into that one, if we end up needing to. Again, thank you all!!
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    I believe that is correct-he or she can say and do what you want if no official is required.  It's amazing the difference between states!  I found one state in which you HAVE to include the "intent" statements--those that say you're free from encumberances to marry. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    Dang. And I forgot to include this.  I disagree with Kristi, too, I'm afraid.  My cousin, who is a high priestess and her husband, a high priest, performed our original handfasting, which we did about a year before the legal wedding. DH considers THAT our wedding--so I take full advantage by getting 2 anniversary presents ;-)  Anyway, I felt a great comfort having a relative perform that very long ceremony--we did the full-on Pagan casting of a circle, calling quarters, etc.  I don't know if I would have felt as good having someone else perform that ceremony. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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  • mandycandy7118mandycandy7118 member
    First Comment
    :( Well...I did some research and we are NOT one of those "do whatever you want" states. I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up! Haha. And Handfast we are also one of those states that requires the intent statement, which I hate. Ugh!On a positive note ;) Your ceremony sounds phenomenal! I guess we could always consider doing two weddings. One "real" one with statements & whatnot in the court house and then another, more meaningful (to me, anyway) one at our chosen locale with our friend.Hmmm....so many choices! Hahaha. But seriously, thank you for your wonderful responses.
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