Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Not Engaged Yet
Not Engaged Yet
New Discussion

Family drama update

MustangSally67MustangSally67
First Comment
in Not Engaged Yet
So i posted a couple of weeks ago regarding drama with BFs parents & our living situation. Basically, they dont accept us living together before being married (bought our house together in Jan) and BF had had enough of the way they had treated us and pretty much gave them the ultimatum to accept us & the situation, or don't have a relationship with us. I got a fair amount of advice & empathy, so wanted to follow up. (sorry so long!)Shortly after that, his mom called asked me to go to dinner one on one, because she wanted me to hear her side of the story directly from her. It came down to her blaming me for "leading him astray" and "causing him to live in sin" and her then, oddly enough, trying to convince me to go to the JOP and marry him right away. I stayed as calm as humanly possible, explained that that was not going to happen, and since we will probably be disagreeing on things for the rest of our lives together, we might as well agree to disagree. All in all, it went as well as it could.So anyway, the hold up on getting engaged had been b/c BF was layed off. Last week, he got not 1, but 2 job offers, and he starts working again Sept 1!!! Needless to say it is a huge relief and I am so excited for him. So, perhaps we're back on track for a proposal sometime soon... 
Report Reply to Post

Re: Family drama update

  • pinkpinotpinkpinot member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I hate the phrase "living in sin"I do it and I like it.  Hahaha
    image
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • notquiteblushingnotquiteblushing member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow you handled that better than I could have.  I hope (crossing fingers) since she was civil enough to break bread with you to explain her (crazy) side of things that she will eventually come around. And yay about the job offers, good for your BF!
    TTC since 07/11 Me: 32 AO PCOS/DH: 32 Lowish count/motility IUI#1-3 = BFN (Clomid, Clomid-->Femara, Injects) IVF#1 ER on 9/24 19 ER/19 M/9 F w/ICSI Transferred a 5AA and a 5BB on 9/29 Beta 10/9 = 139 Beta 10/11 = 287
    imageimageAlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers

    My Blog

    Report Reply
  • MustangSally67MustangSally67
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks NQB! And yes, we were both civil, but I don't think she'll really come around until after we do get married eventually. She was pretty stuck on her beliefs. And it is difficult, if not impossible, to  argue/discuss/or come to a middle ground when one party possesses such radical beliefs.
    Report Reply
  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Congrats on getting through a stressful and awkward situation with your dignity intact.How much sense does that make? "Well, you may as well just JOP and make everything all better."How does rushing in make anything better???My mom actually used the phrase "make an honest woman out of you" after FI and I got engaged. I mean, we don't even have sex, and she knows that. She was even trying to make it sound like a joke or something, but I was so annoyed. She's worried about what everyone else thinks of us living together. Which really gets on my nerves.It's my business, not the rest of the world's (which is totally why I'm posting about it on the internet)! So who cares what everyone thinks?
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • pinkpinotpinkpinot member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My family is always all over me about living in sin too.  Each time my mom asks me when bf will make an "honest woman" I always say:"How does marriage make one an honest women? I know a few who were unfaithful to their husbands?"
    image
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • AcrosthecAcrosthec
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My parents were/are upset about me living with BF.  They said they expected us engaged within a year or they wanted me to move out.  I just kinda rolled my eyes and said ok.We passed the year mark on Aug. 20.  I finally broke down and called my mom yesterday because she hadn't called me in almost a week.  She usually calls me every day.  It kinda made me sad, and I could tell she was trying very hard not to lecture.  I just hope she gets over it soon.Just wanted to let you know you aren't the only one out there with this type of problem.  It generally sucks.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Married Bio
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic My first love.

    Me: 31 DH: 30

    TTC since 10/2010. 2012: HSG showed unicornuate uterus on right side; both kidneys and both ovaries present. High risk for preterm labor, IUGR, and C-Section. Dx'd Hypothyroidism.
    1st BFP: 10/27/12, cycle before we had planned to see RE
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Pregnancy Blog
    Report Reply
  • cocitygirlcocitygirl
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That sucks, Mustang, but it sounds like you're handling it in a very mature fashion.  I am so glad neither of our parents care about us living together (and we were probably lucky they had older children to break the ground first).
    Report Reply
  • cath3888cath3888 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    First of all, YAY for your BF on his new job.  That's great news (especially in this economy).I can't even imagine the amount of self control it took not to flip out on his mother when she told you to go to a JOP.  My mother didn't approve of my living with my BF either...but she only felt the need to tell me how much she disagreed when we were all (including BF) out to dinner.  She then went on a tangent about how we were "living in sin".  It took every ounce of self-control I had not to say, "Well, while we're casting stones...you've technically been living in sin for the last 19 years when you and Dad divorced...that's a sin too."  Thank God I didn't....Sigh...I just can't understand the phrase "living in sin".  What could is sinful about living with the person you love (especially if you know that you're going to spend the rest of your lives together)?  If there is a God, I highly doubt he'd send you to hell for it...
    Report Reply
  • Button5807Button5807
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The phrases "honest women" and "living in sin" make me want to stab people in the face, probably because I've been putting up with them for 5 years. ugh.Oddly enough, when I moved in with my bf my father seemed sort of thrilled because he could play tough guy and tell bf that he better take care of me. Anyway, congrats on surviving dinner with her, if nothing else it shows that you can co-exist with a wackjob.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • KD+BCKD+BC
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is a topic that really gets to me. The whole religious reason for not living together is just plain annoying to me...if your FMIL is worried about her son being "led astray" and that he is living in sin how is a JOP going to fix that? Technically only marriages preformed with a priest or minister are "recognized" by the church right? I could be wrong on that one but it's just so irritating. To turn this whole living in sin thing funny though, my aunt has been living with her bf for 13 or 14 years and have no plans to get married but we all love him and treat him like family. A couple years ago my grandfather lovingly started calling him his Sin-in-law. Now he refers to my bf as his Grandsin-in-law!Try and keep positive and do what makes you happy!
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
    Report Reply
  • cath3888cath3888 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I just can't stand the hypocrisy of it all.  When my Mom made the "living in sin" comment in front of BF, I told her, "You know Ma, karma's a b*tch, if I were you I wouldn't say things like that because that just gives me license to say the same thing to you when you meet someone."  Her response?  "No one will stir up any dust over an old hen like me."  How does that make sense?!
    Report Reply
  • oceana919oceana919
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have to second pink, I hate the phrase "living in sin". The way I figure it, God's got bigger fish to fry than whether or not my boyfriend and I live together. Like, starving children in China. Or Darfur.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    "Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons

    Planning / Married / Blog

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards