Not seeing each other before the wedding...?

MegamiMoon · May 2010

Despite the fact that we've been living together for 2 years, my fiance and I twill be staying in two different locations the night before our wedding. We thought it would be romantic for him to see me for the first time that day walking down the aisle in the white dress. The both of us want that moment to be really special

The other day, however, I was talking to our church wedding coordinator and she asked if my fiance and I would be seeing each other prior to the wedding ceremony. I told her we weren't planning on it and she seemed a little disgruntled. She explained that the church would prefer that the bride and groom meet prior to the ceremony in order to greet guests while they're arriving. She said that the church "discourages pagan traditions such as having the bride hidden away from the groom before the ceremony".

I'm not sure I understand. I thought it would be acceptable for us to see each other for the first time while I walk down the aisle towards him. Did anyone else receive such advice from their church?

RaiKai · May 2010

Wow, she must be a bundle of joy on Halloween!

I am not religious, nor did I get married in a church, but I think you should do what you want. My DH and I saw each other beforehand (indeed we shared our hotel room together the night before). We also lived together beforehand. For us, it was so much fun to wake up together the day of our wedding. We had a few things to do on our own in the morning and early afternoon, but we finished getting dressed together, and we walked together to the room we were having our ceremony (we were at a resort) as we did not do the aisle thing and did greet our guests as they came in. It was a very small and intimate wedding so that worked for us.

But some people really enjoy not seeing one another until the actual ceremony, and do enjoy that moment.

I don't think this woman is that well versed in the history of marriage traditions...it is not quite so simple as labeling one thing "pagan" and another thing "Christian".

erollis · May 2010

Almost all wedding customs have some sort of tie to pagan traditions or medieval tradition. I can not find anything about not seeing each other before the wedding/ can't find the pagan roots for that. If she is so concerned about that does she have a problem with Easter? That has very strong pagan roots.

Don't listen to her and do what you want.

kristi-ji · May 2010

oh dear...ignore that woman! Please! And have your moment. I think it's romantic

My FI and I doing the exact same thing and I actually very excited about it. I think it'll will make that moment when you see each other for the first time that much more amazing.

MegamiMoon · May 2010

Yes, I definitely do not want to do anything to disrespect the church, in fact, I graduated from the church's private school years ago. I'll definitely get in touch with the coordinator to talk about the situation more in detail, however I hope since she used the word "prefer" instead of "insists", we won't be required to see each other prior to the ceremony.

I'm super-excited about that moment too! I daydream about it sometimes and get teary-eyed.

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

She's read the Bible, right? Jacob had two wives because he was tricked into marrying Leah; he thought he was marrying Rachel until the veil was lifted. Genesis 29.

MegamiMoon · May 2010

Ah, I see. With that in mind, it was definitely inappropriate for her to label the tradition as "pagan". No wonder it sorta rubbed me the wrong way when she said that... I'm also meeting with my pastor in a week. He's really sweet and has been a friend of the family for many years. Hopefully he won't have any qualms about our wishes.

erollis · May 2010

Well I am glad you are taking this in stride. What you plan on doing is the best course of action. Good Luck.

aesthyerin · May 2010

Wow I've never heard of that! How odd. I would talk with your pastor like you said and see what he says.

stephdonjon · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_not-seeing-other-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:867639a1-158d-4c0a-ab19-c0e834995044Post:977d7e27-94cf-4767-9bc0-ba330657b92b">Re: Not seeing each other before the wedding...?</a>:
[QUOTE]She's read the Bible, right? Jacob had two wives because he was tricked into marrying Leah; he thought he was marrying Rachel until the veil was lifted. Genesis 29.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Haha! Touche, aerin.

mica178 · June 2010

I've found when dealing with the church that it's better to ask the priest about a lot of these things. The wedding coordinator and music director and secretary have to follow whatever the official guideline is, but the priest/minister can override things if he feels it's appropriate.

tall and short · June 2010

My fiancé and I live together and I do not plan on seeing him the day of the wedding until I walk down the aisle. As far as the guest go I think they should all have to wait too. I think it ruins the moment. The only person who will know what I look like in my wedding dress will be my mom. My whole family and my fiancé family are they type that like the surprise of seeing me in the white gown walking down the aisle. So I would totally do whatever it is you want to do. I would ask the women if she greeted her guest prior to the ceremony or after? It’s your day don’t let anyone ruin it for you. I am told it’s the only time you can be a real B****.

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