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Invite ppl to the bridal shower when they aren't invited to the wedding?

Martha&ChadMartha&Chad
First Comment
in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
So I'm having a dilemma. My fiance and I are having a very intimate wedding. It is literally to the point where it's just our familes because we have such huge families. Does this mean I shouldn't invite people to my bridal shower that will not be invited to the wedding? Some of the people are really close to me but I don't have ANY room left for them at the wedding. Thoughts/Suggestions???
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Re: Invite ppl to the bridal shower when they aren't invited to the wedding?

  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Does this mean I shouldn't invite people to my bridal shower that will not be invited to the wedding? Some of the people are really close to me but I don't have ANY room left for them at the wedding.Yes, that's what it means.  Every wedding decision comes with consequences.  The consequence of a very intimate wedding is that you won't have a large, medium, or perhaps any shower.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • Lacey BarnettLacey Barnett
    First Comment
    It is very bad etiquette to invite anyone to a shower or any other pre-wedding party who is not going to be invited to the wedding. No matter what your reason for not being able to invite them to the wedding, you can't expect them to take it well if they get to buy you a present but can't go to the event that the present is for. To the people that go to the shower but not the wedding, you will just come across as gift-grabby. Don't do it.
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  • ffmaidffmaid
    First Comment
    One of the trade offs of a small wedding is not having the ability to invite anyone who is not invited to the wedding to any prewedding events. No they may not be asked to the shower is not asked to the wedding
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  • Martha&ChadMartha&Chad
    First Comment
    Thanks for the input ladies!
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  • raeynraeyn member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Interesting. I had a different take on this, but then I'm refusing to follow a lot of the traditions and etiquette rules for my wedding. I don't think the gifts purchased by shower guests have anything to do with the wedding. If they did, they wouldn't feel obligated to buy a second gift for the wedding itself. I plan to invite people to my shower who I know can't come to the wedding but would want to celebrate with me. I know I can't be the only one who thinks it's okay to have different guest lists because I have been invited to a shower and not the wedding in the past and it didn't bother me in the least. I was happy to get to participate at all and understanding of the couple's desire to have a small wedding.
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    BFP on Jan. 18; EDD Oct. 1
    EDD Oct. 1image
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  • Leah&Christian09Leah&Christian09 member
    First Comment
    I'm refusing to follow a lot of the traditions and etiquette rules for my wedding.Well, yes, lots of brides are ok with being rude to their guests.  However, the OP asked about what she Should do, not what she Could do.  It is rude to invite people to a shower that aren't invited to the wedding.  That's fact, not opinion.  Just because you choose to do it anyway doesn't make it less rude. 
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  • FutureMrsPontonFutureMrsPonton member
    First Comment
    I think its different in some areas. Where I'm from- we would NEVER invite someone to a shower thats not invited to the wedding- in the town my FI grew up in- thats what they do. All the ladies in the town get together and throw the couple a shower- with out ever expecting to be invited to the wedding. I really thought it was weird at first- but I'm warming up to it some- the shower is in 2 weeks. He grew up in a town of about 700 people and everyone knows everyone and likes to wish all the new couples well. My FSIL who went through the same thing when she married FI's brother said it was weird at first too- but in the end it was nice to have all the well wishes. Like I said though- where I grew up (Chicago) this never happens- but I have heard from more than just FIs family that its common to have a shower when not everyone there is invited to the wedding. To me it would be rude to not go- since they want to throw it!
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  • MJsGirl09MJsGirl09
    First Comment
    I just had a shower thrown for me by the person that is our officient. she is also someone I work with.  She knew that not all the staff were going to be invited to the wedding, and they were still invited to the shower.  they were fine with it.  I wasnt sure it was right or not but they all wanted to be a part of it.
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  • marissalouannmarissalouann
    First Comment
    While I may be burned on here for saying this, I too am having a couple showers, both involving some people not invited to the wedding since it's so small... shower thrown by bridesmaids... we have work friends that wanted to come and celebrate... I was uneasy about it at first, but some of them really just wanted to celebrate the fact that I was getting married. Some of these people I've worked with for 5 years. Some less. They all completely and totally understand that I couldn't invite them all (we're teachers... not like it's a small office!). shower thrown by FMIL... she specifically is throwing this shower because her friends/neighbors that know her son and I, wanted to give us presents and celebrate us. Only 1 of the, oh, say 6, is invited. So although I'm not usually one to say etiquette rules are meant to be bent, this is the way we're going with regard to the topic.   And yes, I have several Emily Post etiquette books on the shelf as I type this. ;)
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