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August 2010 Weddings

Really big family

My fiance is from a huge (HUGE) Irish Catholic family. Our invite list is 300 because that's all the hall can seat and all my parents can afford. We split the number down the middle and each took 150 invites. He soon realized that his family alone is 146, and would only be able to invite a few friends. My family is still under 150. Do I B-list some of mine and my parents' friends so his family can have more invites? It doesn't seem fair for him to have so many more invites, but his family is so big. Help!

Re: Really big family

  • I think it would only be fair for you to invite an even amount of invites. Its not right that you should b-list anyone in your family b/c he has a large family. It sounds like all his family is covered under the 150 so thats what counts. As an option you can invite (if you want) mutual friends under your count, so they count as both of you. Plus it helps when you can tell people that the reason is that you split the count right down the middle.
  • I think there are a few things you need to look at - when some people think of their family they start adding tons of extended family - others only look to more immediate family - when you guys are counting people are you counting the same time of people? Is it possible to cut anything out in there like kids? Otherwise you need to ultimately think about who you guys want to be there and what's important to you - I know it seems good to think "half is fair" but sometimes things become unbalanced and you lose sight of what's really important to you!
  • Technically since your parents are paying they should get more invitations. Is there anyway he can start by the people that absolutely HAVE to be there and then go from there?
  • I think that both sides should get to invite an equal amount of people. Meaning that no one side is more important than the others. With that said, I would talk with my FI and find out how many of these people are really important to be there because I wouldn't want to start the marriage off with a "fairness" issue. Of course, I can't imagine have a 300 person wedding. There is no way I'd be able to interact with each of these people and make them feel special. I'd be exhausted! Good luck!
  • don't do it. You will be bitter about it and resent FI later. It's only fair that you have an even amount. If you are done inviting and then have some extra spots then I would give them to FI. But, I would not cut people that you want to invite just because he has a big family. He needs to start with immediate family and then continue with extended.
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