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Would you have said something?

therockisblinding05therockisblinding05
Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
in Florida-Central Florida
I was talking to one of my BMs on the phone yesterday about her new relationship and how her and this guy are living together now blah blah blah. Then she tells me that she is bringing him to my wedding because she is going to marry him and wants him to get to know her friends. Uh..what? I was in CVS and didn't think it was the appropriate time to get into the discussion, especially since she tends to kinda jump from guy to guy so it might not even be an issue by the time invites are ready. FI thinks I should have said something right then and there, but I kinda chose to blow it off after a crazy day at work and being too tired to deal w/ it then. Should I have said something?
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Re: Would you have said something?

  • therockisblinding05therockisblinding05
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    PS..the guy is a total D bag and is in no way coming unless they are engaged.
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  • skhynesskhynes member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    How long have they been together?  If they are living together, it's going to be tough not to invite him.  But if you really don't want him there, you may have to be firm and tell her that you can only allow for a certain number of guests, space issues, etc.  Besides, there are other ways for him to meet her friends besides your wedding.  That being said, I think if a couple is living together it's pretty hard to invite one and not the other though.  I would probably just let him come if you can.  Especially if you don't want to piss her off.  Besides, your wedding is 10 months away.  If her track record is what you say it is, it may not be an issue.
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  • Blonde407Blonde407 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I let all my BM's bring a guest even if they were single since they spent alot of money on their dress, my shower and bachelorette party, etc so I thought it was the least I could do besides their gift.IMO if they are still living together come time for the invites to go out that you need to invite him no matter how much of a dbag you think he is.  And well if she usually jumps from guy to guy and you don't think it will last then there is no need to cause drama by even bring it up to her now... because it will cause drama.
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  • skhynesskhynes member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh wow, I just noticed that she was a BM.  Yeah, I think the bridal party should be allowed to bring a date.
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  • bcnoellebcnoelle
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think that all BMs should be invited with a guest, but the way she kind of blurted it out might have been a little tacky.  I have been a BM to a wedding where I flew to Minnesota, rented a car, booked a hotel room for 2 nights, and was never invited with a guest.  This really upset me.  I never said anything to the bride because I wasn't dating anyone seriously, but I thought it was pretty rude of her. I think it's also important to remember that the wedding should be about sharing an important day in your life with people who are important to you and letting them celebrate and feel comfortable. If she's a BM she is obviously important to you.  Let it go for now, especially if she is fickle with guys.  She seems happy and she may have gotten ahead of herself a little.
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  • jackx18jackx18
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I kinda think you should let her bring a date.  Just put her name +guest and who knows what her situation will be then.  It is kinda rude on her part though to just assume that she can bring a date.
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  • John and Charisma <3John and Charisma <3
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I had an issue like this and I chose not to invite him. In my defense, they had been living together for about a month after dating after a month,  he was a crack head, made her pay all the bills, and she dropped out of college for him. She ended up freaking out and cussing at me and which point I asked her to no longer contact me. ( I was constantly getting texts from her where she was cussing at me. ) She was not a part of my wedding. A few months after the wedding they broke up. I would say stick to your guns but try to get to know him first. I got to know him and that was what made my decision. GL!
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  • therockisblinding05therockisblinding05
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I didn't know that most ppl have their bridal party bring a date. I've only been in one wedding besides this one and no one had a date or cared. I guess if that's like common knowledge, then he can come...oops. I was just surprised that she just told me he's coming...
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  • John and Charisma <3John and Charisma <3
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Some of my bridal party brought dates and some didn't. The single people did not want to bring dates. With that being said, H and I had everyone at our house for about 3 days before the wedding so I think people probably did not want to have someone else to worry about. A lot of our friends had not seen each other (or us) in a while so I think they just wanted to hang out and have a good time without worrying about whether someone was comfortable in a large group of people they did not know. The few days before the wedding were like a fmaily reunion. However, if everyone is local and you are not having everyone together the days leading up to the wedding, your BP might feel differently about whether or not they want to bring dates.
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  • Theresa626Theresa626 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Until I read Charisma's post up there, I would say you absolutely need to let him come.  All bridesmaids should be allowed to bring a date because they spend so much money on the wedding even if you're not allowing other single guests to bring dates.  That said, if this guy is an absolute crack head who you KNOW will not behave appropriately, I'd say something to your friend about it.  I'd also be prepared for the friendship to end over your saying something and your bridesmaid to drop out. BUT, if it's a situation similar to Charisma's then perhaps it wasn't a friendship worth having. 
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  • John and Charisma <3John and Charisma <3
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Correction-a few *weeks* after the wedding they broke up.
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