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Colorado-Denver

Declining a shower

I have a feeling that this is going to get long.  The main point is....do you have any experience/tips for politely declining a shower?The long story:I don't really want to have a shower thrown for me, for various reasons.  I don't like being the center of attention, I don't like the thought of people "showering" me with gifts, I don't have a lot of close girl friends in the area, my bridal party is all out of town, as is my mom, etc....As I said, I have very few girl friends in the area.  I've made a few on my own but most of the people I socialize with are the wives of FI's friends, some of whom I like and some of whom I really don't like.So, one of "my" friends offered to throw me a shower or just have a nice night out for the two of us to celebrate.  I thanked her profusely for the offer of the shower, but told her that I'd rather spend time just the two of us.  Ok, good.So, just today, one of the women in the group of "wives" called and left me a message about how she and the other "wives" were talking about how they've "heard nothing about a couples shower" so they'd like to throw us one.  I'd really rather they don't, but I'm trying to figure out how to politely decline this offer.She did mention a potential date, two weeks from now, when FI will be out of town.  He's essentially out of town every weekend (and some weekdays) from now until the wedding.  I highly doubt that we would be able to find a date that would work.  I guess I can fall back on that.When asked, I've dropped hints here and there over the past several months about how I don't think that I'm going to have a shower, how I'm not "into" showers, etc.  People always respond "But you HAVE to have a shower."  Um, notsomuch.  I don't mean to sound ungrateful.  I just need some help navigating this situation.
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Re: Declining a shower

  • chelbell326chelbell326 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    wow, that is a tough situation to be in Fran! I don't envy you. I hope some of the girls on here have some thoughts/advice for you b/c I'm drawing a blank. LOL Good luck! FWIW, I didn't want a shower either (for almost the exact same reasons you listed)! I declined a shower from my FMIL b/c she wanted to invite all of HER friends (who BTW aren't invited to the wedding)...so when I explained the etiquette of not inviting people to the showers that aren't invited to the wedding that shut her down. LOL My friends ended throwing us a "couples shower" which ended up being more like a regular party/BBQ & they obliged when I asked that we not play any games or silly antics that are usually associated with a shower. Instead, we just had a little luncheon with our family/friends. They threw us a hawaiian themed party & it turned out to be a lot of fun.
    no identifiable siggy pictures anymore, thanks a lot stupid nest!
  • edited December 2011
    Maybe I read your post wrong, but it sounds like there are a few of your "friends" that want to throw a shower. I would definitely bring up the issue of your FI not being in town much. If they are still really wanting to do this for you, it might be easier to give in and let them, rather than offending them. As a compromise you can tell them they must put "No gifts, please" on the invitations. I didn't have a lot of friends here either, but my family and bridesmaids insisted on throwing me a shower. Since so many of them were OOT, it ended up being held two days before the wedding. It was nice to hang out and chat with everyone, maybe this can be an option, that way you can have people there YOU want to come? GL!
  • edited December 2011
    Hey Fran, I know how you feel, I didn't want a shower either. One of my grandma's friends offered to throw me a shower, and I have never even met her! I just explained that while I really appreciate her offer, I am not comfortable recieving gifts from strangers, and none of my friends or relatives are in a financial posistion to get me a shower gift and a wedding gift. I think in your situation, honesty is the best policy :) Just explain how you feel and maybe suggest a girls' night out (or in!) with them instead of a shower, since your FI will be out of town anyway.
  • edited December 2011
    I totally agree.  Tell them that your FI will be out of town and you can't bare the thought of having a shower without him!  If they do end up  finding a day when he is available for it, lay down some ground rules (no stupid games, no theme, etc).  Good luck!
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