Divorced Parents - FOB Guest List

Re: Divorced Parents - FOB Guest List

• shellysmom

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  My first question woud be does the bride know all these people.  I don't believe in big weddings.  Once you get over  certain number of people the bride and groom don't get a chance to even say hi to everyone. Contrary to popular belief a wedding is not a networking event.  It is not the time to invite business associates and show off your wealth.  It is about two families coming together.  If the group is small enough then the two families will mix and mingle.  If the group is too large your ex will be smoozing with clients and never meet the groom's cousin who traveled all the way from the other side of the country. JMO, if you limit the guest list to people who are actually celebrating with the bride and groom, then the money issue will go away.

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• Kristin789 member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  Here's how a friend of mine handled that situation:All four parents of the bride went to each vendor:  MOB and Stepfather of Bride, and FOB and Stepmother of Bride.Each vendor was told to draw up TWO contracts, which would be signed separately.  One of the couples is very fiscally sound - esp since they had to pay off the debt from the first marrage - and did not want to be sued if the other couple did not pay their part of the wedding costs.In some cases, for example FLORIST, the bill was split 50/50.In the case of the wedding reception, they had the same situation you have.  And the vendor was told what percentage of the bill would be on the MOB contract, and what percentage of the bill would be on the FOB contract.In other words, if MOB's percentage is really 40%, and FOB's percentage is really 60% - then that's what each should pay.

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• ootmother2 member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  Until I saw this post, I  never really thought about the fact that FOB had more guests than I had.  He is one of 11 siblings a nd I am one of 5.  Big family =  more invitesIf they are guests that B&G don't know and don't care about, then I would care if they exceeded mine.

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• ootmother2 member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  add onFOB & I split all the wedding costs 50/50 other than the engagement party which he wanted to host on his own.  He did a great job at it too!  He even knew that she loved blue hydrangea and put them on the tables :)I take it your relationship with your ex isn't exactly amicable?  Is this your money you are spending or money that your H is kicking in?  If the latter, I would pick it up on my own.Half of $2,000 is not worth getting nuts over or causing more stress for your daughter.

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• SHAWNEE31

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  i say your ex-husband should pay more i think you should present it so he can see it and come to the concllusion himself either you all have the same guest limit so he will reduce his or he increases the amount it does not make sense for your husband to pay for the extra people.

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• Truchana member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  I say, to make it fair, it goes like this...BRide and Groom determine how many people they can have attend, based on venue size, budget and personal discretion.  They then break the guest lists out either in half, bride side groom side, in 3rds, brides side grooms side and bride/groom personal invite list, or if they brides family is paying I think they can have more people than grooms side.  either way they need to get to a total number of people.  So lets say bride side gets 100 people, that 100 people then needs to be divide half and half between your side and fob side.  I thikn that's the only fair way.  No, you should not have to pay for all his guests if they are more.  Now if he ends up with more because he had rsvp, you would have to let that one go.

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