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invitation drama

so with all that advice and struggle I went through with my invitation due to my parents being divorced...I guess it was inevitable someone would be unhappy.Just got a lovely phone call from my Dad saying he's upset that my Mom and Stepdad's name is on the recepton card.  Thing is he's now claiming he was going to give us a whole $7500 towards the wedding.  Except when he first told me that he said that was going to be their gift to us and that if we needed it before the wedding to put towards things, to let them know and they'd try to get us some of it early.  To me that sounded like a gift, not money towards our budget.  And at the same time my Mom has given us over $20K for the wedding.  Was I wrong to put just my Mom and Stepdad on the reception card?I'm pretty much hysterical right now. I've tried so hard to make everyone happy.And on top of that, he doesn't want my mom and him walking me down the aisle.  He says that's not tradition and that he just wants to walk me down alone.I'm so upset and I don't even know what to think.
~Chelsea~
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Re: invitation drama

  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I missed it ... did you order invites yet? If so I'd just apologize to your dad and say that they've been ordered already. Maybe throw him a bone and list him as a rehearsal dinner host or something, if your mom or in-laws haven't already said they'll host it. As far as who walks you down the aisle, that's a personal choice on your part. If your mom had an equal hand in raising you then she absolutely deserves to co-escort you if that's what you want. Just tell your dad, "Sorry, but this is what I want" and leave it at that. Dollars to donuts says he'll suck it up and co-escort you with Mom. I very much doubt he'd boycott your wedding over it. Honestly, this is why I hate the wedding industry telling brides that the people who pay for the wedding need to be the ones on the invite. Because it causes all kinds of problems and creates whiny parents.
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  • edited December 2011
    Oh man, I am sorry Chelsea! Parents are so annoying, and it really is hard to please everyone. Is he not mentioned anywhere? Maybe he feels offended.Is he giving a speech at the reception? Maybe you can put his name in the program?
  • MyeMye
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i think you should tell your dad what you just typed here about the money....the walking down the aisle, you should tell him that actually the catholic tradition ask the bride and groom walk down the aisle together, as they are there to proclaim their union to each other in front of g*d and the church (your families), the father walking down the aisle has no religious meaning, it just a modern thing...just tell him straighforward your mom is walking down the aisle, and you want him there, but its up to him...
  • edited December 2011
    They're already out and in everyone's hands.  My Mom had more of a hand in raising me than my Dad, which is why she's so adament about walking me down the aisle. I thought by putting all their names on the Invitation itself that would eleviate (sp?) any issues with having my Mom and Stepdad as hosting the invitation.  Apparently not and my Dad is upset with that.  I have not received $1 from him for the wedding yet.  So I guess I feel like he isn't help pay...that his money at this point is a gift, which is how I originally took his offer.
    ~Chelsea~
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  • edited December 2011
    All parents names are written on the invitation itself.  I just called out my Mom and Stepdad's name as hosting the reception, on a seperate reception card.  He keeps saying "I've never seen that before, that's not tradition".
    ~Chelsea~
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  • edited December 2011
    Oh Chelsea, I'm so sorry. Point is, no matter what you do, someone will be upset and unfortunately weddings bring out the worst of that in people. Why not let just your dad walk you down the aisle, would that make him happy? I just don't understand - this is supposed to be the happiest time for you, but everyone else's feelings and expectations gets wrapped up in it and causes drama. I'm sorry, I'm no help.
  • edited December 2011
    I would just have my Dad walk me, but my mom is pretty adament about also walking me down.  She really is the one who raised me and wants to give me away.  It's also tradition in her family for both parents to give their daughter away.  This is how my grandparents did it with my Mom and all 3 of her sisters.  I said that to him as well, don't think he gives a sh*t.   Best part is he goes "I didn't want to make you upset". WTF did you think calling me and saying these things was going to do.
    ~Chelsea~
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  • MyeMye
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    so sorry :( its a sucky situation
  • edited December 2011
    I feel like crap...I don't know if I should, but I do.  I've had tears continuously streaming down my face for the past 35 minutes.
    ~Chelsea~
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  • edited December 2011
    Yes, I can definitely understand Mom walking you down if she had more of a hand raising you. Dad's name was on the invite but not as hosting, he didn't give you any money for it and he's angry? wow. Don't let him upset you. That's uncalled for. Maybe he had just seen it and spoke before he thought about how upset it would make you.
  • edited December 2011
    I NEVER thought I'd say this....right now I just wish we'd eloped. I can't remember the last time I was this upset.
    ~Chelsea~
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  • edited December 2011
    Sorry to hear this. You are right someone was going to be unhappy. :(
  • Angie550Angie550 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am so sorry you are going through this right now. Like pp said, weddings bring out the worst in people. You did agonize over the invite wording and I think you handled it properly. Have you spoken to your Mom about this? I think you need to tell him that 'tradition' might be certain ways, but that is not how YOUR wedding is going to be. I would 110% have your Mom walk you down the aisle as well.
  • edited December 2011
    yes, I called my mom immediately afterwards and cried and vented to her. I know I'm gonna have to have the conversation with him again, and I'm already dreading it.
    ~Chelsea~
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry this happened Chelsea, everyone can't be happy but in the end you did what you felt you should and that's all that matters. This is going to sound harsh towards him but he is just mad that he wasn't more of a man and your mom and step father took that over because he couldn't. You did right chels, remember that you and mike that's what this is about!
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks Cheryl...I guess I know that how I did the invitations was right, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I just have this awful pit in my stomach.  Nothing I can do about it now. My Mom told me I should call him back and tell him that if he wants to split the cost of the wedding with my Mom, then I'll make new invitations that say there was an error on the old ones and change the wording.  Otherwise, he needs to live with it.  Oh how I love my mom. lol I just hope I don't have to hear about it again. The walking down he aisle thing though isn't going to go away.
    ~Chelsea~
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  • edited December 2011
    I think what bugs me and why I was harsh (reread it and apologize if I can off too strong!) Is that he has the audacity to call and say all this, like you don't have enough going on. Parents aren't suppose to make us feel bad and again I am so sorry your going through this. I know how it feels in so many ways.
  • edited December 2011
    It wasn't harsh...it's probably pretty darn close to the truth.I guess I can understand why he's upset, but he needs to understand why it is the way it is.  Also, my Dad not wanting my Mom to also walk me down the aisle is him hating my Mom.  My Mom wanting to walk me down the aisle with my dad is her hating my Dad. They hate eachother, I mean HATE.  And unfortunately I'm the one it affects in the end.
    ~Chelsea~
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  • edited December 2011
    I"m sorry :( I don't really have anything helpful to add other than, I know it can be a rough struggle but usually everything works out in the end.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. I feel like it was just yesterday you were asking the knotties about what to do with the invitations. With that being said.. what's done is done.. You did what you felt was right and if i was in your position I would have written the invitation the same way! As for walking down the aisle, the only advice I can give you is for you to choose what makes you happy. This is your day and you should have it the way you want it. Regardless I think someone will be hurt because as you said not everyone is going to be happy. Hopefully both your mom and dad can put aside their differences for each other so that you can have a day where they both support you and are on the same team. Hope it all works out for you! You do not need this kind of stress..
  • edited December 2011
    ugh, that totally sucks and I am so sorry. I understand what your going thru to a certain degree. Parents can act like the children sometimes not realizing that in the long run, they're breaking heart. My parents have a very bitter divorce... and didn't even look at each other at the wedding. My father was not around up until 3 weeks before the big day and I thought I was going to have my mom walk me down. Well, when he "popped" back into my life he didn't want to even hear talk of "my mother" walking me down the aisle as well. I hope and pray it all works out in the end for you. It's all very draining and a terrible situation to be in.
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  • edited December 2011
    (I'm a bit of a lurker, but I figure I'd chime in.) PARENTS. UGH. I have a very similar situation about invitation drama-rama. Now mind you, it's many many months before I still have to order them, but already there are arguments about this. (Long story short; my fiance and his family is paying for majority of the wedding: my family, my dress. My mother wants to be the host of the wedding, without paying for anything more than my dress. My family is more than financially well off to pay for everything...And, there the drama ensues..and I will leave it at that.) I understand where you are coming from. You have to just remember that the day is about you and proclaiming your love for your future husband. While it is important to make families happy, you can't please everyone. You need to do what's best for you and what is important to you. I think it is wonderful you are that close with your mom and want her to walk you down the aisle. That is something special and it's a tradition in your family.. While he intends to eventually contribute, your mother and step father have had an influential part in your wedding and will essentially, with the amount they spent, be the hosts of your wedding. You did the right thing. Your father will get over it in time. I hope this helps. :)
  • edited December 2011
    aw, I'm sorry. And you worked *so* hard on those beautiful invites. It's such a shame that he he would go out of his way to make you feel badly about this. You took such pains to make everyone happy. I don't have much advice, but I'm really sorry.  
  • edited December 2011
    im really sorry :(  this is why i had everyone on the invite, whether they contributed a dime or not.  family is family.  that said, whats done is done and let's just hope he comes around.  it's just an invite, you still have the whole wedding day to make sure he gets a little special attention.
  • edited December 2011
    Allie, I did put everyone in the invitation.  Both sets of my parents and FIs parents. I however did call out on the reception card that my Mom and stepdad were hosting the reception.
    ~Chelsea~
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  • edited December 2011
    Sorry Chelsea. Hope you are feeling better this morning. If I were you, I'd adopt his mentality and not give a f what he thinks. He obviously didn't factor in your feelings when he approached you on the topic. You should tell him how much he upset you (even if it's in an email) when the fact of the matter is tha invites are out and there is nothing you can do to change it.
    imageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker Every night I prayed for you. Then when you were in my belly, I prayed harder. Now that you're in my arms, I pray even harder.
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks Jamilynn.  Thank god for you girls. You've really helped me deal with this.  I think FI felt so bad he didn't even know what to say. He ignored the issue all night last night. I know what I did with the invitations is right. I do still feel bad that he's so upset. My heart has felt like it's in a million pieces since last night. I just tried so hard to try and make everyone else happy and I failed. I knew deep down that there's no way I can make everyone happy I guess. My Mom called me this morning and told me that as much as she wants to walk me down the aisle, she will let my Dad walk me alone if it will help the situation.  I really appreciate her saying this.  Although, I'm not sure I want to concede this.  I want my Dad to be happy, but I also feel that my Mom deserves to walk me down too.
    ~Chelsea~
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  • edited December 2011
    A very similar situation with the walk down the aisle thing happened to one of my good friends. She decided not to have him walk her and to have her brother do it. He was fine with it until the rehearsal. He then had a huge fight w her before dinner. He said, "Why should I even stand here? I can just sit if you want." Fact is, situations like that make people regret past actions. That's probably the case with your dad. On another note, I am much closer with my mom than dad. They are still married and I loved home until this year, but my mom and I had a superclose relationship so I wanted her to walk me too. My parents were shocked at first but I said it wasn't fair that he walks me and she doesn't. Maybe you can mention to your dad that people with married parents still choose to do this. I was raised by BOTH parents so I feel strongly that they both should be up there with me. JMO though.
    imageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker Every night I prayed for you. Then when you were in my belly, I prayed harder. Now that you're in my arms, I pray even harder.
  • acablitasacablitas member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Chelsea.  Sorry to hear that this is happening.  Weddings do bring out the worse in some people, and in most cases the parents are the the craziest.  Might as well call them parentzillas.I'm going through my own bit of drama between mom and dad, but I'm set on ignoring the drama & doing what both FI and I feel best for us.Ultimately, when it comes down to talking to your dad again, take lots of deep breaths, tell him how you feel & whatever he chooses to do at your wedding (to walk or not walk you down the aisle) is his choice.  And, you tell him that you want your mom walking you down the aisle as well.  If he's not okay with that, he'll have to take it or leave it.   
  • edited December 2011
    Family drama stinks and I know everything will work out. DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT let it get the best of your planning..Like I said before remember this is about you and Mike and your love.. Celebrate that! I think you honestly and unfortunatly need to have the convo with him about the walking down the aisle and explain to him that it is not about tradition. Its about what you want..Explain that it would mean more to you that they BOTH walk you..also explain he still has his special dance with you..If you express how much it means to you he cant argue that.. I know it doesnt seem like this will happen now but I PROMISE that it will work out and NO ONE will have hard feelings or wont show up..xoxo
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