Just Engaged and Proposals

Should I tell my boyfriend that I know all about his proposal plans?

This is more of a way for me to confess my sins...lol.  In September we went shopping for rings.  I found one that I was in love with and he bought it.  This whole time I've known he had the ring and also what it looked like, I even had it on my finger at one time.  So, that part was not going to be a surprise.  My Brithday was in  November and I was sure he was going to propose to me then, and he didn't.  I was pretty upset.  So, to make a long story short, the day I put the Christmas tree up he came out of the back bedroom with a little box wrapped and put it on the tree (like and ornament)!  I thought that was pretty cute and it was obvious what it was.  However, I had been wrong in the past and I couldn't bare the thought of having another holiday disappointment, so I did a very naughty thing and opened the present when he wasn't home! OOPS! lol  Of course the ring is in there and now I feel really guilty about it.  I  really should have thought about opening it before I did, but it didn't help that all my friends and even my Mom kept asking me why I hadn't opened it yet!  Should I tell him I was bad girl and opened it early, or just not say anything?  I figure that one day when we are old and gray I can confess to him and maybe we can laugh about it then.  But I'm afraid that if I tell him now he will be upset and it will put a damper on his excitment. I still don't know how he's going to do it, or what sweet words he might say to me, so I guess  I don't know everything!  Any advice???

Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I know all about his proposal plans?

  • Don't tell him.  Don't ruin the moment for him.  I was cleaning out my FI's pocket's when I was doing his laundry and found the receipt for my ring.  He has no idea I had a pretty good idea he was going to propose on New Years Eve, which was also our 3 year anniversary.

    You might KNOW that it is coming, but not HOW it is coming.  Be patient.
  • I think what you did was awful, actually, and that you should fess up.  Just the fact that you are feeling guilty tells me you know what you did was wrong and that you should tell him the truth.

    Even if you were wrong again and he didn't propose what was the worst that would come of it?  You had to wait a little longer to get engaged?  You know he bought the ring and you know he's planning on asking you so the fact that you couldn't just wait it out and let him surprise you (which he obviously wanted to do) was pretty cruel. 

    Fess up to what you did because it is the honest thing to do.

  • I knew my fiance was going to propse when he did. He asked to borrow my GPS one day, and then made a silly excuse about where he was going, and then he volunteered to make dinner one morning while we were getting ready for work (which NEVER happens) and I was pretty excited- but I didn't tell him or anyone else, because it would have ruined it for him. Don't put a damper on it, but fess up afterward. I'm pretty sure that if he was pretty obvious about putting a wrapped ring box on the tree, he probably knows that you have an idea about what's going to happen.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • It's become and ongoing banter between the two of us about the ring being in the box on the tree.  He jokingly says things like, "I wonder if your ring is in that box on the tree."  "Go ahead and shake it, just not too hard."  "Is you ring in that box?  Maybe...?"  lol  I'm pretty sure he has a good idea that I know, like I said before it's only obvious.  I also forgot to mention that about 30mins after the place the box on the tree he couldn't find his keys.  I found them hanging off the lock of the lockbox (where we both knew where the ring was).  I took his keys to him and we both smiled and I giggled a bit.  I know I'll eventually fess up because we're not serious people and we like to have fun and joke around with each other.  I'm sure he'll find the fact that I opened it beforehand funny...some day!

  • Why WOULD you tell him?

    There's no need to pee on his parade.   Be patient and act surprised.
    image
    two years!
    after two losses, now happily expecting baby #1 09.16.12
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Brie Fit Blog | BFP Chart
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_should-tell-boyfriend-his-proposal-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:8c0d673d-5478-43fb-ab35-b79009c4b768Post:ae7225b7-4445-429c-89fd-3c2279483916">Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I know all about his proposal plans?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's become and ongoing banter between the two of us about the ring being in the box on the tree.  He jokingly says things like, "I wonder if your ring is in that box on the tree."  "Go ahead and shake it, just not too hard."  "Is you ring in that box?  Maybe...?"  lol  I'm pretty sure he has a good idea that I know, like I said before it's only obvious.  Posted by lepeterson2007[/QUOTE]

    This makes me change my answer.  Since its pretty apparent that he knows you know he knows blah blah blah just keep quiet.  Based on his comments/actions, he wants you to know it is there.
  • I agree, keep quiet and just wait.  But for the record, I can't believe you looked in the first place.  
    imageimage
    Follow my book blog: Panda Reads
    Follow me on Goodreads: my read shelf:
    Sandra's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
  • IMO, him buying the ring with you there kinda killed the surprise already. Is there really any anticipation left that's not just manufactured? He bought you a ring and you know he plans to give it to you. Obviously you are planning to marry each other, which makes you engaged already, whether he gave you the ring or not.
    Its almost like he was hiding a way to see if he still wanted to give it to you. Then he hung it on the tree, like a carrot in front of your nose. That's just strange to me. Sure, he can still say sweet things and formally ask you, but whether the ring was in that box or not, you know he intends to marry you. IMO, he asked when he bought the damn ring. Y'all just dragging it out is really strange to me.


    But then again, my FI totally surprised me. I had no idea there was a ring, or that he was going to ask on a totally random day, in his car, in the parking lot. It was perfect for me. Maybe we are different.


    And I can't believe you looked..

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Nope, keep your mouth shut.  But, stay away from his email, his cell phone, his mail, etc.  If there are other elements to the suprise, don't go looking for them.  And, in the future, don't open things early. 

    I knew when FI ordered my ring.  I actually signed for it when the FexEx truck brought it (although, I was only 80% that was what was in the box), and I suspected he would propose at the event we went to the night that he did, in fact, propose.  That didn't make it any less special.  But I wouldn't have mentioned my suspicions to FI for anything.  He would have interpreted that as a hint that I wasn't excited, or didn't like that plan.  I wouldn't have hurt his feelings that way for anything.
    DIY & Planning | Married 

    Married: 2010
    Mom to J: 2011
    Mom to H: 2014

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic



    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • Don't tell him; he knows that you know. :) That might be part of the fun for him, too!

    I have to admit... I totally would have done the same thing! I'm terrible with surprises; I hate them... I picked out my ring (but he asked my mom to help him choose a center stone,) and I'm 99% sure I'm going to get it Christmas morning while we're unwrapping presents with my parents.
     
    In my mind we're already engaged, but it's really important to my guy that he does a "real" proposal. Plus, my parents and all but one of my friends think I'm clueless, so I'm not spoiling the fun for my family and friends. The anticipation of seeing my loved ones' reactions is just as exciting as if I only suspected that he might propose!

    It's not the way for every couple, but it's what works for us!

    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2009
    Keep your mouth closed & I can't believe you opened it. He already knows that you know that he bought the ring & he knows you think the wrapped box is the ring.

    He isn't necessarily trying to surprise you, but he wants to do it on his own time so please allow him to do it when he is ready. Not oh she already opened it, so I guess I should propose now or worse you get into a fight about it & he just hands you the box.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

    image
    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • Thanks!  I really appreciate everyone's opinions and input.  I'm so bad at surprises and I hate them...that's why I looked.  Even when I was a kid I was notorious for unwrapping all of my presents under the tree and attempting to re-wrap them! lol...I guess that's just me! Thanks again, and good luck and congrats to all of yo!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_should-tell-boyfriend-his-proposal-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:8c0d673d-5478-43fb-ab35-b79009c4b768Post:bd62c35c-803c-4e99-ae28-f7a4146f274d">Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I know all about his proposal plans?</a>:
    [QUOTE]IMO, him buying the ring with you there kinda killed the surprise already. Is there really any anticipation left that's not just manufactured? Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

    Um, there's still surprise when the ring is already bought. I was with my FI when he bought the ring, but he still wanted to do a proposal. And when he did it and how he did was an awesome surprise, and not in any way "manufactured."
    image
    (Married)meganandshane.weebly.com~
    (Planning)shaneandmegan.weebly.com
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_should-tell-boyfriend-his-proposal-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:8c0d673d-5478-43fb-ab35-b79009c4b768Post:afa78690-37b2-4e85-a9e5-e9f846068e56">Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I know all about his proposal plans?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I know all about his proposal plans? : Um, there's still surprise when the ring is already bought. I was with my FI when he bought the ring, but he still wanted to do a proposal. And when he did it and how he did was an awesome surprise, and not in any way "manufactured."
    Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

    Im glad that worked for you. In my experience, if I know exactly what I am getting and that it is intended to be given to me, then there isn't a lot of anticipation. WHile I agree that the actual proposal is nice and romantic and should be done in any case, knowing that the ring was purchased would have diminished the experience for me. I guess we are just different, which is fine with me.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • I knew FI was going to propose when he did.  He's terrible at hiding things, but I acted surprised and I stand by that decision.  Don't tell him.  And stop snooping.
  • Don't tell him.  There is no reason to tell him.  He knows you already know there's a ring in the box, so it's not like he's trying to keep a secret from you.  But he probably has the entire proposal planned out, so let him do it and don't ruin it by telling him you opened the box.
  • First...his fault for hanging the ring box on the tree...if my FI did that he would know it was a sign asking me to open it hahaha.

    Second...I knew my proposal was coming, gosh we already  had everything booked and he had sent me pictures of different rings asking to get specifics on the one I liked, his savings account also randomly got emptied out in a matter of minutes all signs that the ring was obviously on its way...and I was SHOCKED when it actually happened and completely clueless.

    Don't tell him you opened it yet, you will ruin whatever special plan he has in the making.  After it is over you can tell him and I'm sure he will say "yeah I figured you would" why else would he tempt you with putting it on the tree?! hahahaha
  • dont tell him. he is obviously having fun teasing you with it. don't ruin his fun.
  • Don't let anyone judge you on this, who cares if you opened it or not. But I do agree that if he's waiting to surprise you with it in some silly fun way, let him go for it. I knew my engagement was coming, we were together to pick out the ring and he bought it right then and there. It was sent out for 3 weeks having some different stones put in. The day before he proposed, we were in the mall at another store with his daughter, he got a phone call from Kay's saying the ring was in and he picked it up without my ever knowing. Needless to say, I was completely surprised the next day, and we laughed about how sneaky he was about it. I hope whatever your man has planned for you is great, and I'm sure it will be.
  • UPDATE!!!

    The little box on the Christmas tree couldn't wait till Christmas! We decided to open just one present early this year...next thing we know all the presents were opened except the small box that has been nestled in the branches since the day I put the tree up (over six weeks ago). I knew my ring was in there. I unwrapped the package...for the second time because I was naughty and unwrapped it a few weeks back to see if it really was in there! He got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I cried and it was so memorable. I LOVE my antique inspired ring and I can't wait to begin planning! By the way, I did confess that I opened the package early and he seemed to have already suspected it...lol!

  • Your ring is gorgeous!  Don't feel too bad, I would have done the exact same thing.  Haha!
  • Wow, I love your ring!
  • it's a beautiful ring, and I am glad you confessed, even if it was obvious to BOTH of you what was going on with the box in the tree. It'll be something you two giggle at together on many occasions in your future.

    Congrats on your engagement!
    PhotobucketAnniversary Holiday
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_should-tell-boyfriend-his-proposal-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:8c0d673d-5478-43fb-ab35-b79009c4b768Post:3e5ccc8f-2515-45f2-b5ba-1f12341c0bc3">Re: Should I tell my boyfriend that I know all about his proposal plans?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks!  I really appreciate everyone's opinions and input.  I'm so bad at surprises and I hate them...that's why I looked.  Even when I was a kid I was notorious for unwrapping all of my presents under the tree and attempting to re-wrap them! lol...I guess that's just me! Thanks again, and good luck and congrats to all of yo!
    Posted by lepeterson2007[/QUOTE]


    I totally do that now!  I'm so bad about it.  He cannot leave anything in the house because I will find it/look for it.  I don't think he realizes just how bad I am yet!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that. --Michael Leunig-- Planning Bio
  • I really think you should just pretend you never happened to come across it.  No good can come of you upsetting his plans.  Let him do this on his own without any interference.

    This is one of the most important decisions of his life, let it do it on his own--even if you know it's coming.

    So go put that ring back in the box until he's good and ready to slip it on your finger.

    Trust me.  Flaunting a ring he hasn't given you yet is not the way you want to start planning things.  Hurring the whole thing is like trying to rush a dish that needs its own time to develop.




  • If it were me, I would have taken the ring out and replaced it with something else. Now there's a surprise!   ;)  

    j/k, but congrats and glad it all worked out! sounds like you guys are perfect for each other, not being able to wait to open all the presents! :)

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Glad it worked out but while this was a little thing, you don't want to do such things in the future.  Sometimes, you have to just leave surprises, even somewhat known ones, a surprise.  Congrats.

  • Ahahaha! I live mishy112's idea!  When my mom got divorced she asked if I would buy her a ring for Christmas, so she could replace her wedding ring with something special from her daughter. She picked it out and she knew she was getting it for Christmas. So to surprise her, I wrapped about a dozen ring boxes, all with plastic sesame street rings in them. Then I pretended like there should be one more and kept looking for it and couldn't find it. Then she unwrapped a big box with a teddy bear in it and I put the ring on a bow on his neck. hehe ;)  She doesn't wear that darn ring anymore... poo!

    Anyway! I LOVE your ring and CONGRATS on your engagement!!!!!!!

    MARRIED 10.10.10 !!

    October 2010 Siggy Challenge - walking down the aisle!

    image

  • I'm a little late here, but I just wanted to say congratulations and I'm glad it all worked out. I had a similar thing happen (found a pamphlet for the Leo Diamond and a couple of SKU numbers on a piece of paper from the jewelry store in DH's truck before he proposed.) I came across the stuff by accident. I knew it was coming soon, but he did end up surprising me by the when/where/how. I didn't tell him, I think it would have hurt his feelings. It sounds like you know your FI and he took the news well.  Best of luck to you and your FI. :)
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • uh no. definitely don't say anything. 
    omg i can't believe people actually do that! yes you're curious & it was completely stupid of him to put it there but seriously? like you can't control yourself? you should be happy enough to know he bought the ring & it's coming. why would you even want to know exactly when? that ruins it. i can't believe your friends & mom told you to open it either. anyway i'd say don't tell him.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards