A Touch of the Bridezillas?

LaFleurs · September 2009

Ok - I gotta add one last thing (because it's almost 2 am and I am obviously losing sleep over this - how sad right?) I think the reason I am being so defensive about this, the reason I can't process why this is such a big deal - is because if my girlfriend asked me to stand up for her on her big day and asked I did something special for her... I'd do it in a heart beat. If my girlfriend asked me, "Loves - I really want to celebrate our day by doing matching henna tattoos" or "Hon, I'd love for all the girls to wear goofy wigs" or "Babes, we're doing a Pimps and Hoes theme, I need you up there in some F*ck me pumps" - I would not hesitate to say yes. After all, she's my friend and I accepted to be there for her.She's my friend after all and she thinks highly enough of our friendship to ask me to be there for her on such an important day, why would I ever deny the girl such a small request?Now, please note, that NONE of my girls have said no. In fact my BFF's have all said yes and "girl - that is so you". The wall of defiance I am hitting is my fiance's unwillingness to ask the groomsmen to do the same. I would walk on fire for my girlfriends and if that makes me a selfish b*tch to ask the same in return (ok maybe not walk on fire... but walk on grass without any shoes) then I am completely at a loss. My hubby to be can wear a pirate's costume for all I care - so long as he's marrying me. I guess I'll sans shoe it alone.

banana468 · September 2009

LaFleurs, this has been one of the LEAST snarky threads on here in a while.You have to understand that your wedding is your FI's wedding as well. Why on Earth do you want to put HIM in the place of asking his friends to do something that may make them uncomfortable? I know my own husband does not go barefoot anywhere except the house. Even at the beach, he has to reach 'in the water' before the shoes come off. He hates how his feet look and he's missing a toenail on one foot so he will NEVER show his feet off to others. To add to that, almost every doctor will say that it's simply not healthy to go barefoot. It's a way to catch diseases and also not great for the feet as well. You don't need to have a medical condition for that to be a bad idea. It already is.The bottom line is that it appears you're looking for someone to say that it's perfectly fine for you to force your FI to ask his friends to do something that he doesn't want to do and most likely they won't want to do. The issue is that what you're wanting is rather selfish - and there's no day that you get to be selfish where others get to turn a blind eye. That day just doesn't exist despite what sort of sentiment has been drummed up in magazines or movies.The ladies here are giving you sound advice. Please listen to it and not just the one person who fed you the 'do what you want' line. Make it 'shoe optional' but please don't force people do look any way that does not make them comfortable. That's not the mark of YOU being a great friend to THEM.

tinydancer842 · September 2009

agreed with banana -- she is spot on you need to worry about being a good friend to them not them to you. Just because you did something nice for another bride doesn't mean everyone has to do it for you -- that's not how life works. I have to disagree about not wearing shoes being unhealthy -- eventually your feet become so tough nothing can penetrate them lol (I have a good friend to prove it) & he is very healthy! It's not even about whether it's healthy or not healthy it's about people feeling comfortable being in your WP -- that should matter to you!

mbcdefg · September 2009

It's your FI's wedding, too. And if he does not want to ask the groomsmen to go barefoot, then that's his right. Respect his wishes and don't push the issue. If you want to personally be barefoot, go nuts, but don't force others to do the same. And if any of the BMs aren't comfortable with being barefoot, let them wear shoes and don't take it personally. I've known for years that my best friend hates feet and doesn't wear sandals or go barefoot (even on the beach). When I asked her to be a bridesmaid, she said to me (and I quote), "I'll do or wear anything you want, but PLEASE don't make me wear open-toed shoes." And while it's my wedding, that doesn't give me carte blanche to ask her to do something I know she'd be unhappy with, and especially to make her feel bad if she doesn't want to do it by pulling the "It's my day" line.

CCforever · September 2009

I know you don't want to hear this, but I think you should let this go. If I were one of your BMs (or groomsmen for that matter), I would feel very uncomfortable with this. Having my feet feel dirty makes the rest of me feel gross, and I certainly wouldn't want to feel that way at a wedding. I've always felt that the whole point of a bridal party is to have the people you love and cherish the most standing beside you as you make one of the most important commitments of your life. If those people are important enough to take part in this, shouldn't their feelings about not wearing shoes be important to you?

LaFleurs · September 2009

Moderator: So MsFLickas personal attack towards me is a-ok?All: So, etiquette wise - were this a beach wedding, asking the WP to go barefoot is ok, any where else is not?

LaFleurs · September 2009

Oh and is me thanking someone personally for their input against thread etiquette too?

banana468 · September 2009

LaFleurs, the other personal attack is also not OK as well however your posts were deleted by Retread for going beyond just the one personal attack.If you had a beach wedding you can request or encourage the WP to be barefoot but you can't make it an issue or tell them that footwear isn't allowed. Just say that you'll be going that way and if they want to you'd love them in or out of shoes. Beyond that, what they wear on their feet needs to be their choice. Thanking one person for posting isn't improper. Thanking the one person who validated you though makes it appear as if you only wanted validation - and that's rather childish behavior.

BelhurstBride · September 2009

You're being a control freak and need to chill out.

LaFleurs · September 2009

Banana - thanks for the clarification, but I was thanking others for bringing up good points (like the post about medical concerns of my WP) not for agreeing with me (because the poster wasn't agreeing). I also thanked a poster for the suggestion of flip-flops. Apparently I created a space of extreme defensiveness and sensitivity (including myself). Calling my behavior childish is hurtful as well, albeit your opinion or not.

MsFlicka · September 2009

I apologize for the personal attack. It just really hit a nerve with me last night. I've known women who are demanding of their friends, and as someone who works in mental health the casual use of schizophrenic was deeply offensive. Not an excuse to be personal though.

bablingbrooke · September 2009

I can certainly appreciate the point of view "I know I'd do anything short of setting myself on fire for my friend's wedding, so why is this such a big deal to ask?" The problem is that not everyone has that same standard. Like I've been saying, it's fine to say " feel free to not wear shoes" but as soon as people start to have a problem with it because it makes them uncomfortable, and TELL you so, it crosses a line to insist on it. It's always disappointing when people don't have the same above-and-beyond attitude that we have toward our friends. I totally get that. But I also think it doesn't help the situation to insist on something that you know is already a touchy subject.

banana468 · September 2009

LaFleurs, if you were only looking for validation then that WAS childish behavior. I apologize if your feelings were hurt particularly if you were thanking others. That's not how it appeared.

LaFleurs · September 2009

Thank you MsFlicka - that means a lot. And I sincerely apologize for being so careless with my words.Actually, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I'm rather sensitive about this topic (as hard as it may be to understand why) as it is close to my heart. Being barefoot does represent something to me, as I suppose does the whole gesture of our friends and my fiance going along with the idea. But, with the clarity that comes with a brand new day - I can see how I am taking out on this board my frustrations here at home. It hasn't been the most delightful of weekends.I will certainly approach this subject with my fiance and WP with a whole new light and will respectfully accept their wishes. Thanks for your input.Love and light to everyone~

banana468 · September 2009

LaFleurs, I commend you for coming back here with a different attitude and for thinking about the advice given.Not all brides who post seem to do that. Good luck with the planning!

melishka716 · September 2009

There's a difference between asking someone to do something and demanding them to do it. If your girls said no problem, then you're in the clear on that.BUT, this same rule on asking, rather than demanding, goes for anyone, including your FI. Let him know that he can wear shoes, if he wants. The next step? Well, letting it go, which by the rest of your posts, seems to be the case, or maybe I'm hoping it is.A lot of us have or are dealing with these wedding issues. In the end, you get married and hopefully learned a lesson, or two and can help a friend in the future.GL

LaFleurs · September 2009

RetreadBride - what you just wrote melted my heart. You absolutely touched upon why being barefoot means so much to me. Marriage in itself is sacred ground; I want to feel connected to Earth and my partner and everyone who is sharing this day. Thank you so much for posting this. I will absolutely talk with my Fiance about this and should we decide to put it in our ceremony I'll think of you :-) Thank you!Well... all of you... haha. Loves~

meaganbrand · September 2009

if shoes/no shoes causes this much drama.. good luck to the future of you and FI

swans alive · September 2009

Just my two cents, I know I'm jumping in late. I don't mind being barefoot. If I was in a friend's wedding and she asked me to go barefoot, I would think it was weird, but I'd probably do it. I tend to wear as minimal shoes as possible, and have been known to be the crazy person wearing flip-flops in January. My FI, on the other hand...HATES being barefoot. Even around the house, he usually has socks or his slippers on. He hates his feet and just feels more secure wearing something on them. If he were asked to go barefoot for a friend's wedding, he would be very unhappy about it and I think a lot of his friends would feel the same. Also, guys tend to have ugly feet, usually kinda hairy, and do you really want that on display? And I completely agree with the others in that YOU don't get to dictate what FI's groomsmen do, and FI is raising serious objections. If everything goes as planned, you have a long life with FI, full of love and, yes, arguments. Do you REALLY want to die on this particular cross?

Lauren Exley · September 2009

You're FI is right. It's not appropriate to ask your WP to go barefoot in the garden People normally walk barefoot on the beach, and with good reason. people do NOT normally walk in a garden without shoes. I, frankly, think the idea is out of place. Find other ways to incoorporate the beach or better yet, find ways to embrace the garden setting. Asking anyone to run around in dirt and grass (btw some people experience contact allergies...) where bugs have sex and the whole circle of life is brought around with decomposition is not OK. These people are your friends, remember that. Do you want them to feel uncomfortable??

nda_roxybabe · September 2009

I would feel so uncomfortable being barefoot. Why can't you let those who are ok with go barefoot and those who are not wear flip flops or sandals?You're being a major bridezilla

banana468 · September 2009

This is why you really need to read the ENTIRE thread before posting. Issues can be resolved by the end of it and then comments become unnecessary - and still against the rules.

mbcdefg · September 2009

I don't think it's a bad thing to ASK them if they would go barefoot, as long as you make it 100% clear that it's up to them and that there will be no hard feelings if they'd rather not do it. Just be careful not to guilt them into it (none of the, "I have my heart set on all of us being barefoot, but if you say no then I guess that's O.K. too, *sigh*" talk).And going back to what I said earlier, it's your FI's wedding, too. He absolutely has the right to refuse to ask the groomsmen to be barefoot. You may have a "vision" for your wedding, and that's fine, but HIS vision (or at least his ideas and personal taste) need to factor into the day as well.

LarissaAnn · September 2009

I have to say, I'd do nearly anything for my friends... but no way would I go barefoot to their weddings. I hate being barefoot in the grass. I'm vaguely phobic about anything with 6 or 8 legs, and I don't care how manicured the lawn is, those critters are still there. And I'd spend your entire ceremony, shifting from one foot to the other, rubbing them off on my legs, looking at them to see if anything was crawling on me, and freaking out if a blade of grass tickled me. You REALLY wouldn't want me barefoot in your wedding. Oh, I also don't do pedicures and would be upset if you tried to get me one. I don't like people touching my feet in general, but am EXTREMELY ticklish besides.

alliebride2be · September 2009

I've been a bit of a lurker but I had to throw in my two pennies, sorry I'm doing it a bit late.I can't say anything that hasn't already been said about the bare feet requirement or the location. But I have to say that I'm a little disturbed about how many ladies here think that going barefoot outside is gross and dangerous. If you don't like to run around barefoot outside, that's your decision.But bugs having sex? Decomposing insects? Dirt? Germs? Worms? Are you serious??I don't think I'd go barefoot in a public park either, botanical or otherwise, if only for the possibility of stepping on broken glass. But come ON- how paranoid can we be? Are you the same ladies who hose your houses down in Clorix Cleanup because you fear germs, or freak out if your child (assuming you have one or will some day) gets a little dirt on him? Germs are vital to the building of healthy immune systems. Kids might get sicker because their parents strive to keep them away from dirt and earth, rather than letting them play in it.And your toothbrush harbors fecal germs. Time to get out the Clorox cocktail, ladies!

banana468 · September 2009

DH also brought one good point to my attention: bees.He's been stung multiple times because he stepped on them.

aggiebug · September 2009

alliebride:your comment is a little exagerated. I am not know in my family for being the germaphobe. in fact a lot of my habits freak out my sister, but yes I do take caution with where I go barefoot. And even more so after my microbiology and parasitology course.Worms are no laughing matter. Hookworms for example enter your body through penetration of the skin and then they can crawl around under your skin for months causing pain and leaving nasty tracks wherever they roam. SO yes I can understand why some people do not like to roam barefoot outside. Fungus is another one, its everywhere and can cause some pretty disgusting (and painful) disease of the feet if not careful. Not to mention bacteria...

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