Hello everyone!I came here because I thought what better group of women to ask for advice on this than a bunch of mom's!
I've been lurking a little bit and you all sound so kind and sensible, so I'm hoping you can help me with this problem I have...My BF and I have been talking engagement. He is a wonderful man (everyone who has met him heartily agrees)- he is not the problem. My mother is the problem. I've had some perspective on this from potential brides to be around my age...but I'm wondering what other mom's think.The problem, according to my mother, is that the man I love is black, and I'm white (and Italian no less). She wants absolutely nothing to do with him, more or less writes him off as trash, and flat out ignores the mention of his name when I bring it up. When I told her we were dating, the only things she wanted to know were if he was 'a normal looking black, or an ugly black' and if he was 'black black or brown'. She didn't want to know that he treats me like gold, makes me laugh all the time, is considerate, intelligent, and fun...she didn't want to know that we have the same interests, share lots of the same opinions, and that be brings out all of the best things in me. That stuff was not important to her- just the color of his skin.Now that he and I are talking engagement, my dad told me I should tell her NOW because she will flip out if I wait until I'm engaged. The rest of my family doesn't care about the color of his skin- even my dad likes him (although he's only met him briefly and would like to know him better if my mom could get over herself)- the problem I have is my mother. I love my family, and I want to share that with him, but I don't know how to talk to my mother about her attitude.I have dwindling respect for her knowing how deeply her racist attitude goes, which isn't right, because she's my mom...but I can't help it. This should be a happy and exciting time for me- being able to tell my mom we're talking about engagement and going ring shopping- instead, I'm sweating bullets about the nasty, cruel response I'm going to deal with instead. Any of you mom's out there have any advice for me? Am I asking too much of my mom to try to get to know him for the person he is instead of the color of his skin? I don't even know what to say or how to say it right now. I'm in knots. Thanks for any advice you can give,JS