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February 2010 Weddings

What to do about Maid of Honor?

I'm really torn about an issue I am having about my MOH. She and I have been thru a lot together over the years so it was no question when I got engaged that she would be the one. She knew it too. Well, I got engaged a month ago and am getting married in 4 months. Things are moving really fast. Here is my issue. Since I have told her and asked her to stand up, I have had 1 conversation with her. We originally were doing Vegas and in March. Since then we have decided to do the full blown wedding in our town (she lives 8 hours away) and the date has been moved 3 times due to family conflicts. I have called and called and texted trying to make sure the dates and location could work for her. Maybe 2 or 3 days later I'll get a text message from her but nothing of substance. If I call back, she is not around. I've even written her asking if everything is ok and if this is a bad time in her life that I would understand if she didn't want the honor but, hoped she will still come. She said no no, she wants it. So after that little conflict..... this happens..So, one night she texts me and asks alot of questions but, says she cant call. Another time she asked me a wedding question but, said she was out to lunch with "peeps" and couldnt talk. Another time she was in line for a concert. Another time she texts to tell me two girlfriends of ours that she is out with say hi. Another time she was mowing grass.  Then her and her man get into a fight and I get HUGE text messages from her for like 3 hours during  a family event. But it was all abou ther and her man. Last night we schedule to talk on the phone at 2pm today. Well 2, 230, 3, 330 and no call. At 430 she says she is still at work thru text. Now its 10 pm and I know she went in at 8 am and am sure she is off. I know she has had a tough year and my fiance' says to give her the benefit of the doubt but, I need help just chatting about colors, times, food just to giggle, vent and be friends with and she is not around. She doesnt even know anything about the wedding other than we decided not to do Vegas. I have another girlfriend who isnt even in the wedding that calls me everyday asking me if I need help, giving me ideas and offering to fly in and help as much as I want.  She's a great friend but, not as tight as my other. I don't know what to do..Anyone have a thought they care to share? I don't want to lose my friend or lose her coming to the wedding.ThanksSalina

Re: What to do about Maid of Honor?

  • Why don't you ask that friend to be a bridesmaid.... the one calling and helping. If she says yes.... e mail BOTH of them saying how excited you are to have both of them a part of the day... blah blah. I think your friend (the MOH) is going through some things, and needs a friend, not a bride, to talk to. Try to be there for her even though things are crazy with you right now, and help her through what ever she's got going on. If she's 8 hours away from you.... you are on two different time schedules, even if there is no time difference. As you said, she's constantly texting you, so she's showing interest...E mail is a good way to sit down and spend time writing conversation without you both needing the same time. My girlfriends and I rarely speak on the phone because we are all so crazy... we e mail a lot, we text, and we try to meet up 1 time a month (hard for you because she's so far away).I'd ask your other friend to be a BM, talk to both of them via e mail about plans/thoughts/ideas.... and go through things that way. I'd also take time to talk to your MOH about non bridal stuff. Good luck! I'd def. keep the MOH in that position, but maybe adding the friend as a BM will help jump start the MOH interest as well, if she see's the other BM with ideas/thoughts.
  • I'm sorry things have been so difficult. That's a great idea from the pp. I've had BM issues too, so I understand how frustrating this can be. I've realized w/ my BM issues that she isn't in the same place as me right now (bad boyfriend) but wants to be, which makes it difficult for her to be supportive. For the time being, I've tried to stay away from wedding related talk w/ her & saved it for people who are interested (like my mom, sis & other friends). When my BM brings it up, I fill her in on what's been going on wedding related but try not to stay on subject for too long. This seems to help a little, but I wish she would be more involved.
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  • someecards.com has some great funny cards... one is a woman on the phone saying"wow, your wedding must sound really interesting to you"Just try to keep in mind that as much as you LOVE your wedding, your friends are happy for you and want to share with you on that DAY... it's not their life. I have to keep myself in check with it when I get disappointed some aren't doing as much as others. This isn't their life like it is mine... they want to be there for you, but put bride aside.... and be friend. :-( it stinks.... but just remember that for all the weddings you will be a BM in...
  • Well let me add a few more things. 1) Originally when I told her this guy and I were getting serious, she asked me if she was going to be MOH. So, she wanted the job before she had it. 2) I asked her if she thought this was bad timing for her and said I would understand if this is too much right now.. I told her all I really want to do is have moral support and enjoy the *giggles* about the day. She said no no no she will be involved and plans to come visit 3 times before the wedding. But I can't get her to hold a 4 min conversation with me now. 3) She knows NOTHING about the wedding. I have had 1 conversation with her to TELL her we were getting married and to ask her to be MOH. A few small things here or there in text. Like telling her it wasnt in Vegas anymore, it was a big ta-do.4) About adding the other girl that is helpful as a bridesmaid. Well we are having like 65 people and I already have 2 girls standing up with me a flower girl and a bell girl. I don't want anymore ladies standing up with me. I'd like a few in the audience =). it's 80% his family and my closest friends and family. I did text her ask her what a good email is for her several hours ago and have yet to get a reply ( shes not at work). I was going to email her and explain I know things are tough right now and I understand. I told her to call me and lets just talk about life and that I miss her about a week ago. Still nothing. Arghh!So this is what I'm thinking.To just let her do what she is going to do. If she doesn't get with me about the dress in a reasonable amount of time then I think its safe to say she is stepping down. My soon to be sister in law already put a shower in order. My sister is here running around with me. My girlfriends here are all about throwing the bachelorette party and my girlfriend Chris that lives in IOWA loves to decorate and said she'd help in any way and would have fun doing it. If my MOH needs to talk I will. She is my best friend after al, just a bad time for her I guess.THEN in the wedding program, the friend that has helped me alot, maybe I can say a special thanks to her since I don't want to add another BM or have her as a backup only if someone fails. I really just want to stop stressing about my friend not participating and just have fun. I'm really not a bridezilla and mad at her. I'm just more hurt that she SAYS all these things but has yet to follow thru. Either do it, or don't offer.*sigh*...Salina
  • I don't think you are a bridezilla at all! It's really frustrating/upsetting when she's supposed to be there with you and isn't. :-( looks like you found a good alternative... and have ton's of girls helping.
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