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Michigan-Detroit

SO upset right now

So I was going to be sending invites out this weekend. About 6 weeks in advance. With a November wedding I'm thinking this isn't a problem as I have sent save the dates and pretty much knew who is attending. Today FI has some big news. He has been offered a promotion (sooner than expected) with a nice increase in salary. Re-location would be mandatory. Where we would be moving we could still live in the country and he can commute to the city for work each day. Here is where the problem comes in. They want him to move immediately and he would have to give up plans to be off work in November because of the project he would be working on which means postponing our wedding plans which is just over 6 weeks away. We knew the mandatory re-location would probably happen so I was prepared to go. But this is totally unexpected. If he turns it down it may be a career killer. Truth is I am in tears and beyond words for how I feel. A decision has to be made and quick.

Re: SO upset right now

  • liza0828liza0828 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    How much time does he need off? Won't they give him any leeway? A wedding is only one day...
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  • edited December 2011
    I have no words of advice. All I have to say is that I wish I could give you a valium and a nice glass of wine. I'm sorry about the terrible timing. And, I hope you both make a decision that you're both happy with. Good luck, lovely lady!
  • edited December 2011
    Ugh that sucks.  So sorry to hear about the trouble but yay about  the promotion.  Like pp said can he maybe negotiate just that one day?  Good luck and keep us posted.  Positive vibes being sent your way!!
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  • jujubee455jujubee455 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow!! That is all I can say is wow! When would you have to postpone it to? That is really tough... you of course want him to take this job. But honestly he can't even take on weekend off? You would think they could at least offer him to be able to take the weekend of the wedding off, and then you postpone the honeymoon and everything else... do you think that can be done?
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  • TruchanaTruchana member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Won't they at least give him the weekend off?  I mean it's his wedding...Do they really expect him to postpone his wedding for his job?  If it means postponing the wedding, i would seriously tell them to forget it.  I don't think it's good to start what is supposed to be your marriage off by post poning it for a job.  If it just means that the honeymoon stuff needs to be delayed, well then just delay them,
  • TruchanaTruchana member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Think of all the money you would lose!
  • edited December 2011
    Oh man that totally suck,I hope they will give him the weekend off!GL
  • edited December 2011
    He is going to make the effort to be able to come back on the wedding day but there is no guarantee of it which is why it may be safer to postpone. We had a nice honeymoon planned but those plans can be changed and we wouldn't lose any money on it. We would lose deposits with at least some of our vendors. The project he would be working on is very time sensitive and a lot of people's jobs would be riding on the completion of it as well as some nice bonus $$. It makes him as upset as it does me but it's the career he chose and he loves doinig it so it's not just any job. The people he works for have been very good to him in many ways so it's like being between a rock and a hard place.
  • edited December 2011
    If they know he’s getting married in 6 weeks, don't you think they’d have the decency to give him ONE day off???  What if he was a she and a  baby was due at the time?  Can't stop birth of a child, right?  So why should they F him on his wedding day?  They have to have some kind of leeway with this.  If they don't, it's sh8tty business practice.You can always keep the wedding day as is and take a delayed honeymoon….
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  • edited December 2011
    I would have him talk to them again.  He could fly back to MI Friday evening, wedding on Saturday, return on Sunday.  If they will not let him do that, then I would still take the job (a career lasts longer than a wedding day - not the marriage obviously), but I would ask if they will pay for all of the money lost to the vendors for postponing.  Maybe that will have them realize "hey, give the guy a weekend off or else we pay $X,XXX"Congrats to him on the promotion though, that's awesome!
  • edited December 2011
    Congrats on the promotion, too bad its not with better timing. I think a promotion is similar to a job offer - things are negotiable. Obviously they want him for the position so he has some bargaining power.My suggestion is to have him discuss with the person(s) who offered the promotion what you told us. This is something he wants to do and is willing to do under the condition that he can get married. Most people are reasonable and would realize this is not an outlandish request. He can mention that he is willing to delay the honeymoon but its not feasible to rearrange the ceremony and reception this close to the date.If they cannot give him a Saturday off to get married he may want to think about that in terms of the company's views on their employees. Because if its the only way they function be prepared for a lot of heart ache in the future. 
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  • moeoscarmoeoscar member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Rebecca, a career is hopefully another 30-40 years for him. Your wedding is one day, an important one, but still just one day.I would see if they'll let him fly home Saturday morning and then back Sunday morning. Maybe see if he can promise to do a lot of overtime leading up to the wedding date so he won't get behind?With this economy anyone that is getting ahead in their career should be taking every opportunity they can, I would advise him to take the job and worry about the wedding second.Sh!tastic timing though, huh!??!
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  • edited December 2011
    You know what, booger, you are totally right.  If they won't let him have off for this, what is it going to be like when you have a baby?  Or if there is a death in the family (knock on wood)?  Especially if he will have to travel back to Michigan to see family and friends, I can't see them ever letting him leave for a few days to go back.  He'll be the poor guy working the night before Christmas and early morning the day after so that he can't fly home......
  • edited December 2011
    Congrats to FI for getting the promotion! On the other hand, what horrible timing. It seems like he means alot to the company. He should be able to reason with them. It's just one day. He should offer to work overtime to make up for the day he'll miss. I understand he really likes his job, but if they can't be understanding about one day, what happens if he needs to take time off for an unforseen event (death), or if he gets sick? They should be a little bit more understanding. Good luck with everything and hopefully you two can make the right decision!
  • TruchanaTruchana member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    my point is the same as booger...If they are going to do that to your husband for his marriage, you better be prepared that this is how it is going to be for the rest of your life.  This isn't going to be a one time occurence.  It's a decision the two of you need to make together.   He will definitely be making a statement to his company that his family will come second in his life if he post pones the wedding, so the decision really needs to be made together so that he presents it to his biz as a joint decision.I personally would not have wanted our wedding to be a super stressful time that you can not enjoy and have to wonder if FI will even make it to the wedding because of plane delays that morning, etc.What does your fiance do, if you don't mind me asking?
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