Communication

Re: Communication

• Alisha.Roper

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  The walk into another room and count to 100 works for BF and I pretty well, and when we come back we let it go, most arguments aren't really worth it. I also having a saying which is kinda cheesy bit it works for me, anytime i am mad or upset i say to myself, is this going to matter in 5 years, or 1 yr or even 6 mons? if not then i just try to forget about it.

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• dreamingblue

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  I am VEEEEEERY sensitive as well, so I understand that. I think you need to sit down and say to him "When you do/say X, then it upsets me because I feel X, and then when I feel that way and say/do X, I feel like you get all angry and impatient. I don't think that's fair to either of us, and I wonder how we can talk to each other a little better."I worked really hard at using lots of 'i feel', because it kinda makes whomever you're talking to go 'Oh, what I'm doing hurts their FEELINGS...I should stop.' And tell him you feel like he's difficult to talk to, and that bothers you. He might not have any idea that you feel that way, at least to the extent that you have those feelings.However- I'm curious how you guys ended up living together so early on? GL!

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• KD+BC

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  I agree with dreamingblue. I am also very sensitive. If I'm sad I cry, if I'm mad I cry, if I'm frustrated I cry....etc. Pick a time when you are not arguing and discuss it with him. Don't do it when you're in the middle of fighting or just finished because (if he's like my bf) he'll get defensive. Calmly tell him that it makes you feel _____. I did this really early on in our relationship and I haven't had to deal with it since! GL!

  

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• alianne87

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  Thanks for all the great replies! To answer the question about how we ended up living together so soon, it's sorta complicated, and sounds super weird, but this is how it happened. I was a junior in college and decided to move back in with my mom for a while, which ended up being a huge disaster. I started dating my BF during that time, but he had a roommate issue. See, his previous GF and he had signed a lease for a rental house together shortly before they broke up, and neither one could get out of it without someone else taking over the other part. So he told her that she needed to get out after I said I would take over her lease. She was more than happy to leave. Fact is, if she had ever seen me there, it would have ended badly for me. I am not a big girl, and she is a rugby player with a lot of anger issues. Not saying that I haven't been in a few ugly fights before, but it was just easier to kick her out and move me in. On a slightly different note, we have been working on having more mature discussions, which means a bit less yelling and a bit more talking. We also have started praying together, which is the biggest help in our relationship getting stronger. I really love that about him. He's always willing to spend time with me doing things that are important to us both. We both feel like living together is not the ideal situation, but for us it was the only way to make it work. That is why we want to get married as soon as we are financially stable, which right now we are not. So, I'm learning to be patient and fight nice.

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• jeanacorina

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  We both feel like living together is not the ideal situation, but for us it was the only way to make it work. That is why we want to get married as soon as we are financially stable,Maybe this came out wrong, but do NOT get married because you think living together is wrong and you need to get married to make it right. Marriage is a big deal, and you would be doing yourself and your beliefs a huge disservice to say "It'll all work out, we just need to get married so that we're not scandalous anymore."Get married when it seems like the natural, most normal thing to do and when you're ALREADY completely satisfied with your relationship. If nothing ever changes between FI and I, we both agree we'll be happy for the next 75+ years.If you jump ahead and say "Yeah I'll be happy! Despite the communication issues... and blah blah blah" you'll just be cheating yourself. Forget about marriage right now, just enjoy your relationship as-is and see where it goes. 11 months is a drop in the bucket. You're already together. Marriage doesn't make anything easier, it's more challenging.

  

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