Moms and Maids

Children at the wedding

Are you all inviting children to the weddings?  If not why not?  Is it the noise or the cost or something I never even considered?

Re: Children at the wedding

  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No, we excluded children from my daughter's reception.  It was an adult affair.  It was held in my home, which is not kid-friendly, but even before we decided to have it at my home we wanted it adults only.  The thought was that we would have dinner at an up-scale restaurant.  I think having adults only lends a more formal feel to things.  Plus, not knowing many of the guests, I wasn't sure if they would be smart enough to remove themselves if the child started acting up, or if they would sit there and disturb everyone, which is more what I see, even in a lot of casual restaurants I visit. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • edited December 2011
    I am inviting children to my wedding. No offense to anyone who is not but I never understood why people would refuse to allow children to be at their wedding. I have always thought that if someone didn't want children at the wedding they should provide a babysitter or two and a place for kids of the guests to go during the ceremony and reception.
  • edited December 2011
    My FI and I are inviting children over the age of 10, but that won't apply to the kids in our wedding. We chose that age b/c it's a round number. My wedding is going to be big so adding a few kids won't affect the noise level, plus if people are traveling from out-of-town their kids can come, if they are the right age.
  • missmelis17missmelis17 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have a huge family, full of lots of little cousins. We invited "kids" over the age of 13 (which I guess means they aren't really kids any more). As much as I adore all of the little ones, my thoughts were that first and foremost, I wanted my adult guests to have a great time and not be worried about chasing after their children. I'm also not a huge fan of having kids take over the dance floor. Basically, I wanted a formal, adult party where my guests could feel free to have a few drinks and cut a rug. All of my friends/cousins with little kids were actually relieved. As for providing a baby sitter for everyone, we started to go down that route, but it became a logistical nightmare and everyone was coming to me (the bride) for answers, so we just decided it wasn't a stress that we should be taking on.
  • missmelis17missmelis17 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Also, we took a "more the merrier" approach to the wedding, so those families with young kids were more than welcome to bring their kids to the ceremony if they wanted.
  • TruchanaTruchana member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No children at the reception although they were allowed at the wedding if parents wanted to bring them.  The reason we did not have children is because we really don't have any children we are close to in our families anymore.  I am the youngest grandchild on one side, Fiance is one of the youngest in his.  Any little kids we invited would have been 2nd cousins we didn't even know but would've added almost 20-30 people to guest list.  None of our friends or siblings have children either. If we did have some children of family members or friends that we were close with and wanted there, we most definitely would've invited them though. With the costs of weddings, we just had too many adults that we wanted there to accomodate our cousins kids.
  • edited December 2011
    Children were not invited to my daughter's wedding.  It was a formal, evening event.  I've never felt that it was appropriate to have children at an evening event of this type.I also disagree that the B & G should provide baby-sitting services.  If you go to your company's holiday party, do you expect the CEO to pay for your babysitter?When my childrent were young, I never expected anyone else to supply baby-sitting.  If we were invited to an OOT event, we either made arrangements for the children at home or we took them with us and made arrangements ourselves to have someone watch them in the hotel.  When they stayed at home, either a friend stayed at our home to watch them or the children stayed at the home of a family friend.  We lived hundreds of miles, and many states away from any other family members.
  • edited December 2011
    We are having children, but they are limited to family.  My husbands family (huge) brings children, always have and always will.  So, we just rolled with it.  So, we have 16 under the age of 21...12 of those are under the age of 13...all family.  We did explain to our families about the venue.  Heather is getting married on a huge dock/landing that seats all 160 people on the water...minimal railings.  The reception area is arranged around a swimming pool.  We told them that we were hiring a babysitter that would be at the hotel, and that we would pay for it.  If they brought their 3 year olds (there are 3) and insisted on bringing them to the event, we were not responsible for their safety.  Two of the three took us up on it.  We love our family, this is what they do.  My daughter was at all the weddings when she was young...paybacks are a &*^%$ !
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • edited December 2011
    We're having kids but mostly because they belong to people coming from out ot state. The people in state have gotten babysitters, except for the one whose daughter is in the ceremony and she's 12. The ones who did get sitters did it so they can have a kid-free night :-)
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm with MOB on this one.  I've been MOG and MOB, and both weddings were evening affairs, open bar, dancing, more formal than informal.I don't think that kids belong at an event that isn't going to end until later in the evening.  I also don't think that kids NEED to be at every event-sometimes it's okay to have an adult evening.I also don't think that the couple has to pay for babysitters.  I love MOB's analogy of the company party and not expecting the CEO to pay for child care.When our kids were small, we would never have dreamed of expecting to take them to all events.  And when we went to parties, weddings, company functions that were adults only affairs, we hired our own babysitters and paid for them ourselves.When did providing for other people's kids become an entitlement for their parents?
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We are having a small wedding (~80 guests), 10 of whom will be children, including FG & RB. We have invited only close family and friends, and most are OOT. Each child invited is an important part of my family (blood or otherwise) and I wouldn't imagine having a family event without them. My venue has a bridal room with a large bed and a groom's dressing room with at TV, so I think Ill get  a babysitter just in case the kids get bored or tired and want to watch TV/Sleep. The extra expense of the babysitter is worth it for me to be able to include my whole family in the event. However, if you are having a more formal event, I can understand not wanting children there. Its your call, but I happen to like kids, and I think they are fun, so I can't imagine excluding them!
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  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    There were no children invited to the wedding under the age of 12.  Those 2 cousins of the groom and the youngest in both families.The flower girls was the 7 year old cousin of the bride and she stayed throughout the entire reception, well behaved and had a great time.I've only attended two weddings that included children.  First case was the half brother of the bride and the son of the groom, both 6 and they behaved horribly!  Second case was a day time wedding where the parents brought the children uninvited.  I had to tell the mother to take them out of the church during the vows because they were so noisy.  MOB thanked me later!I consider evening weddings formal affairs and not appropriate for children.
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    SarahP:  I'm pretty sure you didn't mean it the way it sounded, but people not wanting kids at their wedding doesn't mean they don't like kids or think they're fun.I love kids.  I have three~plus two "kids-in-law".  I've been a preschool teacher for 22 years.  I think kids are awesome.But there are times and places that are inappropriate for kids to be.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    I feel that if you can't have any kids at your wedding you might not be having a very good affair. I know some people just prefer not to but I think it should be left up to the judgement of the parents whether or not to bring their kids. I would never dream of putting family members in the situation of possibly not being able to attend my wedding by saying that their kids couldn't come. This just seems rude to me. We have a child so therefore children are a must at our wedding. Children are a gift and often become the life of the party in a non-alcholic party. I guess its really a matter of opinion but think about the people who might not be able to come if they can't bring their kids. 10/10/10 Bride!!
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yikes KS.  I'm glad we don't go to the same functions. I like kids, but I'm done raising them.  I LOVE the time I'm away from children.  And those are always great functions, including my professional society's banquet, my Scottish Society formal,  my wedding last year and DD's reception last week!  I also truly object to the times when I'm at a restaurant, or on a plane, and someone else's child is out of control.  Yeah, I like adult time.
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow KS!! My DD and SIL's wedding was fabulous! My son and DIL's wedding was terrific. They didn't invite children. How can you possibly say that an adults only function can't be a very good one? There's just no correlation between the two things.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    I'm going to defend KS. I can't think of a sinlge wedding that didn't have kids and was fun.  Our family always invites the kids.  I don't expect adult friends to invite my kids.  I remember a wedding where hubby and I were stuck at the table with "all the other grad students" Boring! I would rather do the Macarena with a group of giggling teens.
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with Shellysmom. Its fun to have a kids at a wedding. Sometimes they are better off at home such as a company party (which is totally different than a wedding by the way) And I think it should be up to the parents whether or not to bring the kiddies. If the wedding is obliviously formal and the parents bring kids anyway its their problem and why does the bride even have to worry about it? I don't think I would ever forbid kids though. It seems so rude to me and adds stress and awkward situations where the bride has to tell a good friend that her 6 month old new baby is not welcome.
  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What is appropriate about bringing a 6 month baby to a wedding? The infant won't remember it, mom's going to worry the entire time that it will start crying in the middle of the ceremony.  She won't be able to really enjoy herself at the reception. I just don't get it.  There are children appropriate events, but for the type of weddings I have been to and have had, nope.  Not appropriate.  They are formal, evening affairs. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • edited December 2011
    But a wedding is the joining of two families and families include children.  My kids go to weddings and funerals.  That is just the way it is.  My daughter was a lovely flower girl at 2 and again at 7.  And my 10 year old will be so cute in a tux as an usher! 
  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sorry about that earlier post. In re-reading it I realized it sounded more harsh than I intended. I guess I need more sleep.  I'm still not sure that I would have brought my own 6 month old to a wedding, but that's me.  Everybody needs to decide for themselves what type of wedding they want, when, etc.  
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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