Pre-wedding Parties

Not sure what to do...work party...

My FI and I moved to MD about 6 months ago for new jobs and we are getting married 4 hours away in WV where we are both from.We love our jobs and have made alot of friends here at the new jobs and when I told my boss that we are getting married she asked where and if we were going to do anything here for our friends that we have made here.So...we can't really afford to have two receptions, I won't ask someone to throw me an engagement party or anything like that and I won't host one myself, but what to do?  I really think that they will feel left out especially since they see us planning and ask us about it all the time.Our wedding is in March, but I was thinking about a small get-together dinner party type thing at our house before or after the wedding, but what would I call it? Ideas? 

Re: Not sure what to do...work party...

  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Your boss is setting you up for a real etiquette faux pas.  It was kind of rude of her to ask you that and put you on the spot. It would be rude to host ANY kind of wedding preparty for these people if they are not invited to the wedding.  I think the greater majority of people do undertand that everyone can't be invited to a wedding.  If you were to host a party for them that was wedding related, they would feel obligated to give you a gift.  It is also a glaring reminder that "Hey, you didn't make the invitation list." Don't get me wrong, I don't think you have done anything wrong here, but I do think your boss asking if you are hosting anything wedding related for your new friends/co-workers is in bad taste. About the only thing you could do is host a party after the wedding, do not make anything about it wedding related, and just get together with these people and host a breat BBQ or something.  You really can't do something wedding related if they aren't invited to the wedding. Don't feel bad about your bosses comment and don't let her back you into a corner.  
  • edited December 2011
    You shoudl just say no on wedding related events in MD if they were really close teh drive to WV is easy. Anyone invited to a prewedding wedding party needs to be invited to the wedding Why not take your wedding out of it and start an annual party tradition. Say May when the weather is nice host a casual annual bbq you can invite people over and socialize with out it being wedding related which would make people feel obligated to get you a weddiing gift when not invited to the wedding. Just have a party
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    That sounds like the sort of thing Michael Scott would ask if he wasn't invited to his employee's wedding and wanted to strongly hint that he felt left out. Your boss feels left out and that she's entitled to be included in some sort of wedding event but doesn't want to drive to WV. Your coworkers understand that you are getting married out of state, have just moved here several months ago, and that they shouldn't expect an invite to the wedding. At my old, pre-law school job, people got married both in-town and OOT all the time and no one expected an invite unless they were good friends of the couple outside work. No, don't throw anything back home for the sake of your coworkers. If your boss keeps bringing it up or tells you that you should, go to HR because it's very inappropriate.
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  • beardce722beardce722 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If your boss/coworkers want to celebrate your wedding with you they should host some type of shower/party for you, not the other way around. End of story.
  • edited December 2011
    If you really like these people, invite them to the wedding. They probably won't make it to an out-of-town event, but the gesture would be nice. THEN they are also free to host a shower for you and invite coworkers. I loathe "work" showers for this reason. And others. If I'm not close enough to someone to invite them to my wedding, I don't want a tacky shower in the conference room that everyone feels obliged to attend.
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  • edited December 2011
    If your able to invite them to your wedding, I say, invite them. If you cant, then dont. Just let them know (if they ask) that its a small wedding or a limited wedding. Dont throw a party for them b/c then they will expect that they are invited to the wedding (if they arent). You can always do a get together or like a bbq after the wedding. Like the others said. But I do agree with kmmssg. Good luck!
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