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FI keeps saying the unmentionable

Words can't describe how sensitive I am these days. Sensitive and moody. Even still, I think this is wrong but, here goes...Naturally, sometimes I worry about money. I worry that our parents will pitch in what they said they would. So I bring this up casually to FI. I just don't like the responses I get. It's been about 3-4 times that I've heard - we should just cancel and elope. Do we really have to do the wedding?  Mind you, our wedding is low budget, 75 people. That's it. I'm tired of hearing this. It makes me want to say, fine, forget the whole thing. I mean, I'd like to think this is "our" wedding. This isn't just MY wedding. I want him to love things just like I do. It's for *us*, not for me.WTF.

Re: FI keeps saying the unmentionable

  • edited December 2011
    awww hon, I hear you on the frustration and fully understand how that can hurt your feelings and make you feel crappy but try not to take it personal.Not all guys are into weddings. Doesn't mean he won't be so glad you had one when you do or that he won't appreciate it in the long run but it's not the thing guys dream about it's what we as girls do!If it were up to Matt he would have taken the "take the money and run" option my parents gave us... but I just knew I'd always regret not doing this. Maybe he says it more out of frustration for how much time and energy and of course money it costs, but don't let it bring you down... if it's what you truly want, and you can figure out a way to do it, and he's not AGAINST it... do it!
  • edited December 2011
    Ok, I am your FI! I've tried to get Ben to elope on multiple occasions and he just won't go for it. I don't think he's trying to say he doesn't want to marry you, or he doesn't care about all the time you're putting into planning, I just think it's about not wanting to deal with all the BS that goes along with planning a wedding. The opinions, the insane amount of $$, the little details that usually don't matter to guys. So, I'm not saying that it should piss you off. You should get the emotional support from him, but I don't think it's coming from the wrong place. I bet he just doesn't understand or want to deal. HTH And I'm sorry!!!
  • photonbugphotonbug member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Same as pp.  I just didn't want the hassel.  FI told me I would regret it and deep down I know he is right. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks, guys. It's different for me, though.I've been living in a different city for 2 years and have not had my family to share certain things with fiance and I. It hurts when he says that b/c I don't have my family and friends. He does have his family. I'd like for my side to share this moment with us and would never dare elope.
  • edited December 2011
    Sorry your upset about this.  From my experience (and talking to some of my guy friends), I've learned that the actual wedding doesn't matter as much to them as being married.  And that most guys just aren't into the details and the nitty gritty of planning.  They also don't understand all the hard work that goes into the decisions you make.  But don't let it get you down!  He probably thinks he's just solving the "problem" of money and stress. Talk to him about how you feel when he says that.  He may become more sensitive to you and what you're going through during this planning process.  If he keeps it up, just ignore it.  He still wants to be married, hence asking to elope.  
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  • edited December 2011
    Sorry you're going through this. I agree with PP and believe he's prob stressed out thinking about all that needs to be done and the money it takes. I know FI when he starts to think of too many things at once he gets to the point like he wants to run and hide. heheI also can't share hardly anything with my family because we're in different states. Now I would really talk to FI about your feelings and help him understand that he can't 'run' from this because you need him. Hopefully, he'll come in to comfort you and you guys can make a plan with goals on how to move forward with little steps. Most guys want to fix everything and a wedding is a very big overwhelming project to take on...especially for a man!GL babe!
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with PP, i bet talking about it could help. But also remind him that though the wedding is about you two, its for everyone else too! (friends and family). This is the chance both of have to throw an incredible party for everyone you care about to enjoy. Skipping the wedding is not only something you'd prob regret 50 years down the road when you have money, but it'd also be a disservice to all those people who want to watch their son/daughter/family member/friend walk down that aisle! I hope you feel better! Boys are stupid.
  • babytecbabytec member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i def. see where you're coming from. I actually had to deal with a lot of this with my FI in the beginning stages of our engagment...but as pp said, try not to take it personally. having delt with the same situation, i think he'll come around and start being more excited as the day approches ;) GL
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