In Laws and DRESS

olive11583 · September 2009

My future mother-in-law and sister-in-law are very opinionated, overbearing (and melodramatic at times) women. They have been obsessing about dress shopping since I got engaged 3 years ago. They "absolutely have to go, they dont want me to look like a slob walking down the aisle, they want me to get white, not ivory, etc. They only want to go so I get the dress THEY like. I always thought of dress shopping as a mother-daughter event. I went with only my mother over the summer and found my dream dress and bought it complete with the veil, shoes, sachet, bra and slip. Am I wrong to only want to share that day with my mom? The in-laws still dont know I have the dress. Can I just come out and tell them? Should I be honest and tell them I only wanted to do this with my mother? What do I do if they overreact (as I suspect they will)? AAAAHHHH Drama! Help!

Deidra123 · September 2009

Just be direct and casually look them in the eye and tell them that you have already found the dress that you love. The fact that they have said they don't want you looking like a slob tells me that they see you as a child that they can just say anything to (b/c that is a very offensive thing to say). Best way to handle it is to let them know that you want them out of your business NOW. Don't tell them that directly but let them know through your confidence and the fact that you are not apologizing for having gone dress shopping without them, that you are an adult and demand to be treated as such. If you don't nip this in the bud now, overbearing MIL and FSIL will be in the marriage business the same way after the wedding is over.Of course you can tell them the truth! What makes you think that you can't? You're not a 10 year old and don't need their permission to do anything. If they start overreacting, just don't apologize, don't do anything, just be very quiet and look at them as if they have two heads. They will realize that you are no longer feeding into their silliness and will be quiet and sit down somewhere as they no longer have a captive audience that they can boss around (or at least think that they can boss around). Remember, don't apologize.

mbcdefg · September 2009

Don't bring it up unless they ask. No use throwing yourself into the lion's den. It seems like they're just people who like to criticize things that they don't personally pick out themselves. So realize that this is not personal. They're just negative people. You don't need to explain or apologize for going with just your mom, or for not including them. If they complain, just say, "It meant a lot to me and my mom to go together." Then change the subject or walk away. If they make the "slob" reference again, either ignore it or just say, "Come on, surely you know me better than that. I'm a bit insulted that you think of me that way." If your FI is in earshot at that point, he should (hopefully) be sticking up for you as well. If they get to be too much, politely end the conversation and just walk away. Again, don't take it personally and don't apologize, and don't get upset. Just shrug it off as two Negative Nancys who have nothing better to do than criticize people.

vjcjenn1 · September 2009

I feel like you have already indirectly implied over the 3 years (long engagement BTW) that you would take them dress shopping...I feel like at some point you should have been honest with them and told them you preferred to go with your mom alone. Since you didn't and already bought the dress, you still have 2 people very eager to go shopping with you.I think you should tell them right away, I want to let you know that my mother and I shared a special day together and I ended up buying the dress of my dreams, I hope I can show it to you when it comes in

junelley · September 2009

I apologize that you have to deal with that kind of attitude from your future-in-laws! I went through a similar situation and I survived.I am glad you shared the shopping experience with your mom, and don't feel bad you didn't include your in-laws. They can have their own mother-daughter event when your sis-in-law gets married (if she hasn't, yet). To prevent them from pestering over this dress thing any longer, I'd mention that you got a dress already the next time they start it up again. I'd say that it meant a lot to you to do the shopping with your mom, and you had a great time doing it and it was a great mother-daughter bonding experience. Do not apologize and don't even feel that you left them out, because they were not there to be left out in the first place. GL!

ring_pop · September 2009

I agree with mbc 100%. You have no need to explain or justify yourself. If it comes up, just answer them casually and honestly: you went shopping with your mom and bought the dress, and you love it. Clear and simple. Don't bring more drama into it than necessary.

Googs79 · September 2009

I'd be honest, since it's really none of their business what dress you wear. If they overreact, then you have to remind yourself that this is their problem, NOT yours. Tell them, "I'm sorry that you are reacting this way, but I feel that buying a wedding dress is something special between a daughter and her mom." And if they keep acting up, I'd leave them alone to enjoy their own drama.

Aimee8314 · September 2009

Also - I'd like to add, where is your FI in this scenario? Does he care that you didn't include his mom and sister? Perhaps if it comes up he should say, Oh Olive already has her dress - she and her mom spent a special day shopping and she fell in love with it. At which point you can say, "I can't wait for you to see it when it comes in!" or something - and then make sure you ignore any mean comments they might make.

swim1011 · October 2009

It sounds like you did yourself a huge favor by not asking them to come. I actually did most of my trips alone, but more because of geography factors than because I didn't want fMIL there. She was there the day I got my wedding dress (as was my mom) but you can share that day with whoever you want to. You don't need to justify wanting to do this with your mom only, and I'd probably keep that to yourself, just to not add fuel to the fire. Eventually, they will have to find out you bought a dress, but it's up to you to let them know when.

olive11583 · October 2009

Thanks ladies! This is just what I needed to hear!

My fiancé understands his mom and sis are too much at (most) times and has offered to tell them. I will taken the given advice and tell them without apologizing. Afterall, it is my wedding. Thanks Again!!

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