Change of date...QUESTION!

pinkchikis · October 2009

Well, we were going to have the wedding in Feb 2010, but due to our budget, we were stressing about it alot cause we were going to pay for the whole wedding ourselves. My dad talked to us & told us that we can wait until Oct./Nov. 2010 (since I want it cold) to have the wedding & our budget would be way more than it is right now. The only thing is that we have to get legally married since we are already living together. My question is (it may be a corny question), can I still have the father/daughter dance & the first dance as a married couple if we get married way before the wedding?

SarahandAlex2010 · October 2009

I dont see why not. I would.

juliebug1997 · October 2009

Just to be clear: you're going to have a JoP soon and then have a reception way later on?

nae82 · October 2009

I'm not clear as to why you have to get legally married because you are living together????

pinkchikis · October 2009

Julie- Yes, we are getting married (JOP) & having a church ceremony & reception later on in Oct./Nov. 2010.My dad wants us to get married since we are already living together & in our religion, he doesnt want us to be living in sin....he wants us living right. We understand what he is saying tho...

llc_lauren & chris · October 2009

My friend from high school got married at the JOP because her husband was deploying, and then they had a big wedding a year later when he was back in the states. They did everything that they wanted at the later wedding. There's nothing that says you can't have a dance just because you're already married. I say do all the wedding things you want in your Oct/Nov wedding!

lyndie_beth · October 2009

I would just not tell anyone and then the ceremony and reception would be, to everyone else's knowledge, the real deal. If you're doing this because you don't want to live in sin (I struggled with this too) why does anyone else have to know? We decided against it because we had already been living with each other for so long and everyone that thought it was wrong got over being so judgemental about it.

nae82 · October 2009

ah.. gotcha!

shananagins · October 2009

If it makes you feel better to have a JOP wedding now and a big wedding later that's up to you. I would just suggest that you don't try to keep it a secret. Call your big wedding a vow renewal because that's what it will be. People will find out that you were already married, and they will be hurt that you tried to decieve them.

appletango85 · October 2009

I agree with Lyndie.The ones that are being judgmental and having a hard time accepting that you are living together will get over it. Me and FI have been "living in sin" according to some people for almost 4 years now. We haven't gotten struck by lightning yet

All joking aside, if you have already commited yourselves to each other to God, then to me you are married. I honestly don't think the lack of a piece of paper from the government invalidates a marriage. But that's just me.It really bothers me that you are going to get married and then have a wedding 6-8 months later. Not even a year! A vow renewal (in my opinion) should be saved for at least 25 years and later. But you know your guests and family so if you think they will still come then great. I know I wouldn't try AS hard to make it to a friends "vow renewal/re-wedding" if they were already married. But that's just me.A nice wedding can be done on a low budget. If people are waiting 6 months already for you to get married...seriously...what's 6 more months? Or you can say well since it's important to YOU that we get married so soon, why don't you help pay for it? (in nicer words of course...that is what I would be saying in my head LOL)Good luck.

appletango85 · October 2009

Or you can stop living together.Or abstain from having sex which is what the "living in sin" thing is about and sign a document or take a pledge in front of your father or something.

emimayor · October 2009

I would just do whatever you feel the most comfortable doing, without deceiving anyone. You'll never be able to please anyone, regardless of the decision you come to. People will have mixed feelings of the situation, but if it works for you and your FI, then do what makes the most sense. And as far as the traditional wedding things, I wouldn't even worry or think about that yet. You really can do whatever you want. GL.

Mariah&Steven · October 2009

I would just not tell anyone and then the ceremony and reception would be, to everyone else's knowledge, the real deal. I disagree with this. Honestly, I think you should do the JP thing. And then if you want to have a reception in 6-8 months do that. I would not do the ceremony part since you're already going to be married and a "vow renewal" doesn't really make sense since you'll have only been married for less than a year. Being deceitful to your friends and family members is not the way to go.

juliebug1997 · October 2009

Ditto, Mariah and Shannon. Don't be deceitful.

lyndie_beth · October 2009

I don't think it is necessarily deceitful. I'm not saying lie to someone if they ask. Just tell them you did for religious and personal reasons. The only reason I mentioned not telling anyone is because when our pastor was discussing that as an option for future couples going through premarital counseling I said I wouldn't get married before premarital counseling and I would have a hard time justifying an actual ceremony afterward (my personal opinion). He said we didn't have to tell everyone we were already married. You aren't doing it to lie to people. You are doing it to make yourself right with your beliefs. That's just my opinion.

Mariah&Steven · October 2009

I would just not tell anyone and then the ceremony and reception would be, to everyone else's knowledge, the real deal.How is that not being deceitful? And OP to answer your question, you should definitely still do a father/daughter and first dance at your reception, even the cake and toasts.

JustinandLindsay2009 · October 2009

My friend and her husband did not want to live together before they were married but her lease was up in February and she has no family here. She was going to live with a friend but that fell through too....so they discussed it and prayed about it and went to the JoP. No one thought to ask them if they were already married so when their real wedding came about in April, we all just assumed that was the real deal. It wasn't until afterwards that they let a few of us know about it and their reasons for doing it. I personally did not feel deceived or hurt. They did what they needed to do and it wasn't a big deal that I didn't know before hand that that wasn't the "real" wedding. ' And I think you can absolutely still have the first dance, father/daughter dance, etc. It's your day, you can do whatever you want!

Tiffany618 · October 2009

I'm totally torn on this issue but I'll save that for FFF.Pinkchikis- I think you should do what you feel is right. If it were me, I'd get married as originally planned and set a budget that is attainable for us to achieve by February. That way you share your actual marriage with those that are closest to you If I wanted a larger celebration, I would just wait to get married when I could budget for it.Question for you though... if you are already living with him now and were planning to get married in February...then why not just live "in sin" for 8 more months? I don't think there is a time limit for that sort of thing?

Jay&Marissa · October 2009

Just to add another dimension to this--some religions (i.e. Catholics) wouldn't consider getting married by the Justice of the Peace actually married anyway, so if that is the case, you'd still be "living in sin" depending on what your religion believes

almoyo · October 2009

If you can't afford a wedding, there is nothing wrong with eloping. You can have a party afterward, but I do believe it is tacky to have a do-over wedding just a few months after you get married.

Tiffany618 · October 2009

Marissa- that was the issue I was saving for Friday.

untsing · October 2009

It is RUDE to lie to people. Trust me. I spent $300 on a plane ticket to go to my cousin's wedding, only to be told at the reception "Surprise, we got married back in December! Hahaha oh aren't we so clever?!" and it was because my Nana didn't want them "shackin' up" if they weren't married. Whether I found out THAT DAY or later on that they were already married, I still would have been just as pissed off. People will be buying you gifts, spending money on your wedding, etc., and it is INCREDIBLY rude to deceive them all that way.

almoyo · October 2009

And to actually answer your first question:If you are just having a reception way after you are married, by all means act like it's your wedding reception because it is. That means dance, cut cake, have toasts... the whole nine...If you are having a ceremony as well it is such a sham to have your daddy give you away to the man who is already your husband.

Mariah&Steven · October 2009

Finally, voices of reason.

pinkchikis · October 2009

We are Christian & we do consider getting married by JOP actually married. The bible sais that you can get married by any judge & not necessarily in a church. My dad was a pastor before & thats how come I know & he wants us married since we are gonna be living together. Thanks for all the advice ladies. I wont deceive or lie to my family & friends. I talked to several of them & have told me that if I want I can go ahead & get married if I want by JOP & just have the ceremony & reception later in Oct./Nov 2010 when our budget would be better.I really wanted the father/daughter dance (since my dad is really my best friend) & our first dance as a married couple (since Ive been waiting to dance to our song).Thanks ladies.=)

pinkchikis · October 2009

Almoyo- I understand what youre saying about my daddy giving me away to the man that is already my husband but we will be going to JOP to make it legal & we are just saving to have an actual wedding & he'll be giving me away to my husband...even if he already is my husband.I guess everyone sees it different & I was getting advice on if it would be fine to still do the father/daughter dance & our first dance.I am going to get married JOP & have the wedding that I really want late next year. It will be my wedding & will do it all as if I was getting married for the first time(meaning no JOP). -Thanks JustinandLindsay2009

untsing · October 2009

I guess what I don't understand is why you can't just have the real wedding sooner, and on a smaller budget? If the marriage is the most important, which it seems to be, why wait just so you can have a bigger budget?

juliebug1997 · October 2009

But if your marriage is recognized by the Bible, according to you, then you are not actually going to be married in November of next year. It will be a vow renewal. It either counts as a real marriage according to you (and the Bible) or it doesn't. You can't really have it both ways.

Tiffany618 · October 2009

Juliebug said that really well.If you see the JOP as being recognized by God, and therefore will make you not "living in sin" any longer ... then I don't see the need for a second ceremony.But in answer to your original question .. I don't see anything wrong with doing all the typical traditional wedding reception dances and stuff.

Mariah&Steven · October 2009

I agree with Mandy and Julie

Mariah&Steven · October 2009

I'd also love to know how old you are.

Change of date...QUESTION!

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