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Reception Only Guests

kassie411kassie411
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in Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul
Our guest list has gotten out of control with our friends.  My fiance' is a gutiarist in the local scene and we've made a bunch of great friendships through the years.Problem is, I can't justify paying $27 a plate for these people, but I'd love to have them come to the reception for the dance and celebration.SO.. has anyone ever split the guest list like this? is it rude? How do you word the second invite?I don't want to offend anyone but I'd love to be able to have all our friends celebrate, and honestly they are more "reception" type people anyway.

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Re: Reception Only Guests

  • kassie411kassie411
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The only reason I can't justify paying for food for everyone is because the budget we have left is small and we can't afford to invite everyone for dinner.

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  • LittleSweetieLittleSweetie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    IMO it's rude.  Would you invite them to the ceremony?  Isn't that the most important part of a wedding?  And if you do, you're basically saying they can't come to dinner - fend for yourselves - but come dance with us afterwards. I think a better solution would be to host a party at your house after your wedding to involve all these peripheral friends.
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  • kkaew816kkaew816 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My friend did this and it was well received, she sent a seperate invite and I'm not sure how she worded it but just said they were invited to the dance at 8. Their friends that were only invited to the dance didn't mind, from what I heard at least. It all depends on your friends your inviting to the dance.
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  • emilyj77emilyj77 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I've actually had people approach me and ask if they can come to the dance, which I really appreciate. They know that we're not close enough for them to receive an invitation to the wedding, but they still want to help us celebrate (and spend time with mutual friends). So I just plan to let people know word of mouth, and only if they ask.But one thing to remember is that this is your wedding and you should do what you want. When you picture your big day, who do you see yourself surrounded by? That's who you should invite. Maybe you could ask a couple of them how they would feel about just being invited to the dance? Test the waters.Good luck!
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  • kkaew816kkaew816 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    BTW if you decide to do reception only invites and want some help with wording I can ask my friend, just send me an email  arikakae at hotmail dot com
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  • kelcloekelcloe
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I think most of your friends will understand that you still want them there to celebrate, however can't afford the expense for dinner.  Depending on the amount of people you are just having come to the dance portion, I would tell them in person and more casually.  I would also let them  to please not bring a gift them coming to celebrate will be enough :) That being said, I would make sure all family is invited to the entire reception, dinner and all.  I think friends understand more than family would.
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  • huwehotalinghuwehotaling
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My opinion is that it's rude to invite some people only to the reception.  Friends of ours are getting married next weekend and made separate invites for those.  I would rather not invite them at all because I wouldn't want to offend anyone.
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  • AimothyAimothy member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You can be rude along with me then, because we ended up doing this.  Our guest list was already at 400+ and I'm having it in my small hometown.  Things just work differently down there, anyway....so I figured if they got offended, then they weren't really that great of "friends" anyway.  Those that were invited were few and far between (obviously, with a 400 guest count!), but we invited co-workers of my parents, my little brothers friends...people that I could care less if they were there or not, but were important to my family to have to celebrate with.I sent a completely separate invitation and would gladly share the wording I used.  I kept it very similar to my regular invitation layout, and just changed the wording slightly.People are going to get bent out of shape no matter what you do.  Who cares what "they" say, what do you feel is right?
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  • sjs0018sjs0018
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We did it. Co-workers and some other friends were invited to the reception only. They did not mind and had a great time. We did pay for open bar (beer & wine) and a late night snack so they still ate and drank on us just not a dinner.
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  • polichikpolichik member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's up to you, but I think it's incredibly rude. If they're not important enough to you to invite them to your dinner, please see them another time.Small weddings with big receptions (20 at wedding, 200 at reception) are fine. I don't think this is. JMO.
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  • littlemissfliplittlemissflip
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I also think it is rude--especially if you have LOTS of people who are invited to the dinner and only a few people who only get to come for the dinner.  It makes it seem like they're second-class or something.  Especially when you say things like "I can't justify paying $27 a plate for these people"... Of course, this might be another one of those regional things that are accepted among certain circles.  I personally would never do it though--it just seems impolite to me. I do know a couple who did this at their wedding (before we knew them), because they had such a large immediate family and yet still wanted to invite their friends.  Our mutual friend was only invited to the after-dinner dancing, and she did feel a little...I don't know... like she wasn't important enough to be invited to the dinner.  So it's not like she was all "how rude of them! they are awful people", but her feelings were hurt a bit (though she'd never tell them that to their face!).
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  • kassie411kassie411
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well FI family is HUGE and my family is HUGE, so beyond our super close close friends the total of this bill for food alone is going to be HUGE.I guess honestly I thought they are our "party" friends so why not invite them to the "party"!Maybe my wording of "justify paying $27 a plate for these people" was a little misstated.  I'm overwhelmed with how fast the costs come up and sad that I have to eliminate friends due to family.  FI will not budge, his whole family MUST be invited.Anyway if you have an working ideas (Jim&Aim09) or anyone else please email me at Chaoskitty09 at yahoo dot com

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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    IMO I'm with the others who have said it's rude...  OTOH, there are circumstances where it's the cultural "norm" (i.e. work does reception only as their "norm")...  If you are going to do reception invite only to this core group, at least provide them with a slice of cake...  It's not $27/pp, but it's still the gesture and won't cost you a fortune to do (you can order a small undecorated kitchen cake from your baker that you keep on the cake table but your caterer knows not to cut because it's for a snack later in the evening) that you cut up yourselves later in the evening for this group so your caterer won't charge you extra for the late service - you provide disposable plates/forks/napkins for the job and if anything else it's a snack for the rest of your guests who are still around..Also BE UP FRONT with the people who are getting these invites of the situation.  People tend to be less annoyed (I hate to use offended, because it's really just annoyed) when they know what the full situation is.  OTOH, people get downright PO'd when they DON'T know some people are getting fed a full meal, they aren't, and there are enough empty dinner spots that they could have sat down and ate if it's only a small group and you're not done with dinner service at the 8:00 spot...  Though it sounds cliche', Honesty is the best policy...
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  • wittyschaffywittyschaffy member
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Kinda late on this one (got married Friday) but we ended up with a few of these folks although not intentionally. There were some peripheral friends of friends who asked us if they could come to the dance because they'd love to see us and our other out of town shared friends. It ended up being totally fine.
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