groomsman hates church

Re: groomsman hates church

• Calypso1977 member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  IMO, your fiance never shoudl have asked this person to be in the wedding to begin with.  your attendants should respect the sacrament you will be receiving, and the Mass they will be witnessing.  clearly, he does not.taht aside, your FI should make ti clear to him that he needs to refrain from negative or insulting comments to you (and him) regaring your religion and faith on your wedding day. you are well over a year away - have you actually asked your party yet?  if not, then i would encourage your FI not to ask this person for the reasons i stated in my first paragraph.

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• Sydney.O.Rutledge

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  I don't think it's unreasonable of you to ask FI not to have this guy stand up for him--what does FI think? I am all for one person on each side--that's what I'm doing.  One of many reasons this was a good choice for us was to stop the string of "well if we ask X, then we have to ask Y."  Honestly, FI has a close friend I really didn't want to include for my own reasons, and that was another factor.I agree with Calypso that your WP should respect and support your reception of the Sacrament.  If this guy has not been supportive and has been outright disrespectful, I would not be comfortable with having him next to me on that day, either.

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• mbcdefg member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  It's his right to believe in - or not believe in - whatever he wants, but I agree that it's rude of him to just slam others' faith. Apparently nobody taught him that there are some topics you just never discuss with most friends (religion, money, politics, sex). I don't think that disagreeing on religion necessarily makes him a bad friend, or that he doesn't support your union. Even if he doesn't believe in the religious aspect of your marriage, as long as he's supportive of you and FI as a married couple (and doesn't bash you as a person) then I would just try to concentrate on that and let the religious disagreements go. Change the subject if it comes up, or walk away. As far as your attendants go, you just pick who you want and let FI pick who he wants. Don't try to match up the sides. And who knows, maybe in a year he'll wisen up and learn to keep his beliefs to himself (especially if he's a younger person, like under about 25).

  

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• ootmother2 member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  This groomsman sounds immature to me.  Common courtesy should keep him from faith bashing of any religion.  I would absolutely tell him that whenever he starts on the subject.   Also tell him that it's insulting to you as well as your religion.  Change the subject immediately.Your FI should tell him now that he respects you and your religion and to keep his opinions on this to himself around you or the wedding.He's your FI's best friend, he should get the idea and work on keeping the friendship by shutting his mouth.  A good person and a good friend will do that.  Friends don't have to think the same or share the same religious beliefs.Just an observation from my advanced age, people who were raised Catholic and droppped out are usually the most vocal about disliking it.  Probably half of them do a turnabout when they are older and return to the church.

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• tnspight member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  You should make sure fi understands how you feel about him.  I agree with pp that you could just have one attendant each and not include him.  If he gets upset about it, just tell him you didn't want him to have to violate his personal beliefs just for you two.  A traditional Cath ceremony only has one each anyway.  My FI is an only child and asked a life long friend to be his best man.  His friend hates women and told him once, right in front of me and a couple other people, that FI shouldn't get married.  I couldn't believe it!  I was hot, I think my face turned red I was so mad (my face is brown).  Fi had already asked him to be the bm so I didn't have a choice.  Since then he hasn't been rude to me but I am concerned about the bachelor party.  FI says he doesn't want one though...  GL with

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• RockChickPiXie member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  I'm in almost the same position except that it's my friend who is the groomsmen who doesn't believe in Religion of any sort. I know how my friend feels and he knows how I feel and though yes he does make rude comments at times I know that he will not disrespect our friendship to the point of making faces on the altar or anything like that.

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• IrishBrideND

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  I think its up to your FI.

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• Leah&Christian09 member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  While it is very rude of him to say things like that about religion, I don't think that his beliefs have anything to do with him being a GM. I would suggest that your FI needs to cut him off the next time he says something about religion. "Look, I know you have different beliefs than Sue and I do, and that's great. I would never attack your beliefs, and neither would Sue. Please do not make these sorts of comments in front of Sue or me again." I think that if your FI confronts him directly like that, he'll stop. His faith, or lack thereof, should have nothing to do with him being in the wedding. Your WP is there to support your marriage, not your faith. Our WP included non-Christians and a couple of atheists. There was just a post on this board about this. Most people had someone who wasn't Christian or atheist in their party.

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• alliecarrie41 member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  he can think and believe whatever he likes, but for your wedding, he needs to STFU and stand up there like an adult.  this is not your issue; tell your FI to make sure his "friend" wises up or he can not come.

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• canary11 member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  I can TOTALLY understand how annoying that is to deal with. However, I worry that if you put the axe on him, it may cause you even more troubles. I know that this may sound kind-of obnoxious, but pray for the guy and let your fi decide what to do. In an ideal world, all of our attendants would share our beliefs, but that is just not the way it is. My MOH is agnostic and I pray all the time that she finds God. At least she's not obnoxious about it.

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• cms4mf

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  Thank you all for your understanding and advice! Right now I'm leaning towards having my FI talk to his friend and telling him he wants him in the wedding party but only if he can avoid making comments against the Church.    Luckily I have time to figure this out   Thanks again!

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• Laura&Kieran

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  I think FI needs to make it very clear that while you want him to be a part of the wedding, you don't want his personal views affecting the day.  That you both respect his views and are just asking the same in return.  Yes your wedding party needs to respect the sacraments but that's hard to say to someone who isn't religious.  I think of it more along the lines of your wedding party needs to have respect for the WAY you two want to be married.  Whether it be in a church, on a beach, or in a park, kwim?

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