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Etiquette

dear venue, i thought we were cool...

Ok I officially have my first vent moment and it’s loooooong. ;-) My venue is at a ski resort in January.  Originally when we visited they told us that FI, our photographer and I would be able to take a snow cat to the top of the mountain for pictures after the ceremony.  I said yes, we definitely want to do that, we had already looked into it before we went to the venue as it was one of our reasons for choosing it.  In this same conversation we worked out the timing of the ceremony and reception.  The ceremony is starting at 4:30 pm.  I just emailed our venue coordinator this week to voice a concern that if we go on the snow cat after the ceremony, at 5:00 pm it could possibly be too dark outside.  I asked her to let me know the sunset times for that time of year to quell my fears or possibly to decide to move the ceremony up a half-hour.  She just wrote back to me and told me that “so sorry for the missunderstanding [sic] but the only time the snow cat can take you up is before the ceremony either at 3:30pm or 3:15pm, so let me know which time you want to do it so I can put it in your file.”  Umm, first of all it should already be in our file since we said we wanted to do it back in April, and second, why the eff would I want to go up a mountain and trudge around in the snow in my wedding dress and let the wind go crazy on my nicely styled hair before I even walk down the aisle?  I was happy to do that after the ceremony and family pictures, but definitely not before.  I know the timing is not a safety thing because they run the snow cat until midnight in the winter.  I’m sure it’s just that another group is now using it at that time and she forgot/didn’t write down that she had already told us we could use it.  I really wanted that picture on top of the mountain, but now it looks like there’s no reasonable way for us to do it, AND I feel like a total bridezilla for being as angry and sad as I am right now.  So please come to my pity party and if you have any choice words for our venue coordinator, I’m all ears.  
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Re: dear venue, i thought we were cool...

  • My eyes hurt.Sorry your coordinator sucks. I'm sure you can take plenty of other awesome snow pictures without being at the top of the mountain.
  • oh yeah, yikes, sorry about the crazy one-paragraph-weird-font thing.
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  • Try to avoid C&P from other programs.  That's what makes wonky font.I'm sure others here will have better advice for you, but honestly, it's just a few pictures.  You'll still be married, you'll still have pictures of the ceremony and the reception.  It's not really that bad.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • Well, as for sunset times - here you go: [url]http://aa.usno.navy.mil/data/docs/RS_OneDay.php[/url] Did you have anything in writing about doing pics after the ceremony? Can you move the ceremony earlier? Is there anyone else you can talk to about it?
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  • Get over it.  I don't have a single picture of my H and I kissing at our wedding.  Not a single one.  My photographer missed 90% of my must take photos.  You know what?  It's okay.  I'm married to my best friend and I have the rest of my life to make great memories with him.  A few pictures don't matter.
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    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    That is why you put everything in writing and not assume that everything was noted.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I remembered after I posted...you might want to check out expatpumpkin's bio for some alternative photo ideas. She also got married at a ski resort, I think, and has plenty of gorgeous pictures in the snow.
  • Do you have emails from April where they said you could do it later? I'd totally be biitchy and try to back her into a corner and admit it. Say, "During one of our discussions in April, I was told it runs until midnight and that after the ceremony would be fine. Why can't we do it at 6?" Play dumb, like you don't know it's her screw up.And that sucks. It sometimes seems like all venue/event coordinators are disorganized. I mean, really, you've already booked with them. They should be on top of things!
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  • I mean, really, you've already booked with them. They should be on top of thingsWord. My catering manager takes 2-3 days to return emails. I finally decided to just nail down all of my contract details at once so I could stop dealing with her.
  • But even if you could go after the ceremony, it will almost definitely be dark, or getting too dark to take photos at least.  Don't know what state you're in, but in Colorado, in January, you can bet on sunset around 4:30.
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  • Opal, I passed on several venues when I was looking because they just wouldn't communicate with me. I second-guessed the one I booked because it wasn't the MOST unique or awesome, but the event coordinator (who's also the chef - it's a country club) called me the same day I inquired and actually sat down to meet with me, at which point I saw he had a little folder with all my info! Which shouldn't be too hard, especially when I want to give you $$$, but apparently it is.
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  • Yeah, mine only turned flaky after I signed the contract. Seems she's good at sales, and not so much on following up.
  • That sucks, but I'm not sure there's a lot you can do. I will also laugh if we get a post on here in a few days about "my venue canceled my snow cat because another bride complained that SHE already had it!".Now I'm not a photographer, or a skiier, or really even know what a snow cat is, BUT I think a photo on top of a mountain at night could turn out looking really really neat. Plus like others have said, I don't think 4 and 6 will be much different. I think even here (VA) its dark dark by 6 and getting there by 5ish.My doc was on top of things, but very relaxed, which drove me nuts. She contacted us at 60 days, 30 days, and the weekend before. Mom and I were doing all the decorations, setting up the ceremony, etc, so talking to her once every month wasn't cutting it. The day of the wedding she pulled it off though and everything went wonderfully (including switching to our rain option as I stood up to walk down the aisle)
  • Which ski resort? We got married at Beaver Creek in February. Bummer about the pictures, but honestly, it might be a blessing in disguise... You would be really cold and probably mess up your hair riding on the snow cat ;) You can get lots of mountain pictures without actually going to the top. Take a look at the Bride and Groom tab in my bio for ideas. All of those pictures were taken around the base of the resort :)
  • yeah, unfortunately i didn't get it in writing, rookie mistake.  If it ends up not happening I'm sure I'll get over it, it just sucks because it was a big reason we chose the venue in the first place.  That said, I totally should have followed up before now.  Oh well, I'll probably complain (sorry to any other bride trying to get on the snow cat!) and if she won't budge maybe I can wrangle some lift tickets for the mix-up. ;-)  The whole thing just made me really cranky, it was something I was really looking forward to.
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  • Yeah, mine only turned flaky after I signed the contract. Seems she's good at sales, and not so much on following up.Yeah, our sales guy was awesome, our DOC is not so much.  Seems to be a pattern :(
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I do not want to defend the coordinator per se, but most coordinators have  a lot of different programs to work on.  As soon as the get off the phone with your another bride/meeting planner is on the phone and then another.  I've seen our coordinators spend 4 staight hours on back to back phone calls/meeting for programs. Human error comes into play. In the future it's always a good idea to ask for everything in writing just to make sure you are on the same page.  I know our coordinators sometimes have piles of documentation on any given program.  Some brides change their minds so much that they have to.   Even then something might get missed.  They might have taken something as a 'might want to do' apposed to a it being a definite yes. because of this missunderstanding.  I would look at your contract so nothing else does not have a missunderstanding.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • expat, i've totally looked at your bio before, your wedding was absolutely gorgeous.  trying to attach a picture of what it would look like from the top of the mountain but picasa is giving me attitude, i'll try again later.  
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  • Thanks :) But where are you getting married? I'm so curious!
  • we're getting married on Mt. Hood in Oregon.  not to jack my own post, but are the orchids you used at your wedding cybidiums?
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  • I've never been to Mt. Hood, but I've heard the skiing is fantastic :) I'm sure it's also very beautiful! Yes, I believe those were cymbidiums - my wedding planner was the flower guru, and she said we used several different types of orchids, but I'm not even sure which is which.
  • Are you staying overnight at the resort?  If so - what about getting back into your dress & taking those mountain top pics the next day before you go home?  Sort of like a trash the dress session. . .
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  • I think squirly has a really good idea. I've seen some people do that and it comes out looking great. That is totally annoying, though. I can understand having your heart set on certain photos.
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