Is it okay to just have a MOH and Best Man? No bridesmaids?

sugar03lili · October 2009

Help!I am planning a wedding and have asked my older sister to be my MOH, as we've always been close. My fiance is having his grandfather as his BM (his grandfather filled in as a father figure when he was young). Neither of us have additional friends that we feel deserve a spot in the wedding party, so we were just planning on having the two (MOH & BM). However, I also have 2 younger sisters that i've never been that close to. One of them confided in my mom this weekend that she is upset that she's not a bridesmaid. My mom is pressuring me now to put my other 2 sisters in the wedding. I dont even feel like she even wants to be a bridesmaid for the right reasons, just to get attention.I really don't want uneven sides and I really dont want to feel obligated to put my other 2 sisters in my wedding, but I dont want to look like the bad guy or cause drama in my family. Should I put them in anyways? Are there any other roles I could give them, like personal attendants or something? Its a small wedding so i dont think ushers or guestbook attendents would be needed. I feel like whatever I ask her, she will feel insulted if she is not a bridesmaid!

ecsmiles · October 2009

I wouldn't put them in the wedding as bridesmaids - There is nothing wrong with only having the MOH and BM. Its completely your call, and since there aren't any other bridesmaids, its not at all like you are singling out the sisters. They could always pass out programs or give a reading to make them involved.

CTGirl30 · October 2009

OK, lots of issues here...1. Yes, it is fine just to have just a MOH and a BM. You do not need to have ANY attendents if you so desire - they are not necessary to get married. All you need to get married are a bride & groom, an officiate, and a marriage license. 2. Even sides are a moot point not worth worrying about. Read over this board and you'll find SO many posts asking about that (and an equal number of responses telling them WPs are not about having matching sides but about asking the people that mean the most to you if they would be a part of your day in a special way). 3. WPs are also not about asking people out of guilt, a sense of obligation (well, I was in her wedding so I should really ask her to be in mine...), or to make sides even. People are not props in your wedding - they are friends and family. Think of it that way. With that said, including a sibling (even if you're not best friends or especially close) may honestly be worth it if it's going to cause a lot of hurt feelings in the long run. She's family - she's going to be around for a very long time in your life. Think carefully about this one.Personal attendent or guestbook attendent are not honor roles in the way that being asked to be a BM is an honor. They suck and it's an insult to ask someone to be a "personal attendent" but not a BM. You could ask your sisters if they'd each do a reading and involve them in the ceremony that way, if you really are dead set against asking them to be BMs. That would be much better than "personal attendent"...Really - the only duties a BM has are: purchase the required attire; show up on time for your wedding day; and smile in the photos. She doesn't have to do much more than that - any parties planned or extra stuff is nice but not a requirement. So if it will preserve the family harmony, let go of the notions of even sides or any of that. It is annoying that your mom is pressuring you to make a choice and the choice is really up to you. I'm just saying choose carefully since they are family.

megk8oz · October 2009

Having just a MOH and BM is fine. Really, if you and FI didn't want ANYBODY standing up or 7 people standing up, that would be fine, too. That's your choice, you need to be happy with it. I know you said you don't need a guest book attendant, but I am just throwing this out there: don't have one. Guest book attendent is a job and a chore, and nobody that gets asked ever feels "honored" by it. Punch pourers and flower pinners also fall into this category. I have no idea what a personal attendant is ... but to me it *sounds* like its more "work" than an "honor", imo. I don't believe in being obligated to ask people when it comes to friends and extended family, but I do think siblings are a special case, and sometimes, it is just less of a headache in the long run to ask them to be in the BP. If you don't want them to do that (Don't worry about the numbers, they really don't need to be even), then I would suggest having them do readings, or maybe have one sister light ceremony candles or something. I know some people do something that involves pouring sand (I never heard of it before my life on TK, so I really don't know the details), maybe one sister could be involved with that somehow. I, personally, would find something to honor them (Like the readings or etc) because they are your sisters, and while you aren't close now, maybe someday that will change.

brndmrkl · October 2009

I am only having a MOH and BM. Which leaves out a lot of siblings and niece/nephews. It's not about trying to inlcude everyone in your ceremony. For me it's just a symbol of who I want to stand up with me as I vow to spend the rest of my life with someone. All of the others are just perks. I also wanted to keep my wedding day simple. More people to worry about = more stress.

bablingbrooke · October 2009

Since feelings are being hurt, I'd ask them to be readers, bring up the gifts if you're having a nuptial mass, or even just having them as BMs. Yes, they're being brats. Yes, it's your wedding. Yes, they shouldn't feel like they are entitled to be BMs. BUT, I look at it as buying some family peace. If this is something that will rear its ugly head in the future, I personally think it's worth it just to have them as BMs. Think about it: They'll probably be at the showers/bach party anyway, right? So what's the big deal about having them wear the dress and stand up during the ceremony in addition to that? This is from someone who asked her only sister (with whom I am NOT close) to be MOH purely out of obligation and has no regrets.

mbcdefg · October 2009

Yes, it's O.K. to have one attendant apiece. No, siblings don't HAVE to be included. (Some people find it easier to keep the family peace and include them, others would rather stick to their guns. Find the approach that works best for you.)No, don't give them a "job" to make up for it. Being put to work is not an honor, so the guestbook thing is out. If "Personal Attendant" means that the girls will be running errands for you, doing work, being go-fers, etc., don't do it. If it's just a token title in your inner circle where the people are in the formal photos and don't really do work and people really like the title, that's another story. They could do a reading, sing, usher special relatives to their seats, give a toast, sign the license if they're over 18, light candles or participate in religious rituals (bring up Communion, hold huppah poles, etc.). If nothing else, get them corsages and have them seated as persons of honor in the processional, maybe before your mother is seated. And to play Devil's Advocate ... are you sure it's the sisters that want to be involved? Maybe it's your mom that really wants them to be in it and just fibbed to you that the one sister talked to her about it. Maybe your sisters couldn't care less. My personal opinion - I'd talk to your sisters and see if they want to be involved. If they'd be really upset not to be bridesmaids, I'd just ask them to be BMs. Expect nothing more from them than to get their dresses and stand up in the wedding. And your FI does not need two more groomsmen ... he can keep his Best Man, the Best Man and MOH can pair up for the processional/recessional, and your sisters can walk side-by-side or single-file.

ffmaid · October 2009

It depends on your family dynamic. In some families it is no big deal. In my circle not including a sibling is a clear message that either the sibling does not matter or the family as a whole does not matter. In others nobody cares. I would say it will depend. Will your sisters forever feel insulted you did not ask or will they be happy they can wear whatever they want and look pretty instead of like a bridesmaid

megk8oz · October 2009

I would also like to agree with the PP that asked if its total taboo in either your family or region to exclude siblings before finalizing this decision. In my particular region, you're more-or-less expected to have your sibs stand up with you. Also, even if it wasn't that way in my area, and I totally hated my sisters, I'd have asked them anyway as my mother and grandmother would have both had a complete stroke if I didn't ... frankly, it would not have been worth it in my family.

banana468 · October 2009

If you're citing even sides as the reason for not asking them then IMO that's not a great reason. However if you don't feel close to them then just don't ask them.Instead, asking them to be readers, bring up gifts, or to do something else is fine.And unless you think there will be family outrage, it's OK to disappoint people. Because someone was sad not to be in the wedding is not a reason to ask her. Because YOU can't believe that you let even sides sit between you and two extra BMs is.

cherryT87 · October 2009

In my honest opinion if you are not close to the other sisters then NO. You mother shouldn't be throughing a guilt trip on you either. Its YOUR day not theirs. I only have one sister we do not get along well at all. Sometimes we do but not often enough for her to be a BM. She called me and wanted me to stop trying on dresses and take her to get a tatoo.(if that tells you anything about her personality) I totally agree with you on choosing who deserves the spot. I chose my bf of 8 yrs bc she is just like a sister to me more so then my own. If you do decide to not use them as BMs you should sit down and talk with your mom and explain to her why you feel the way you do. Then explain to them that you don't want hard feelings but you just don't want mulitple BMs. Surely they will understand that its your day and its about what you want not what they want. ( unless your sisters are like mine and are so spoiled that not getting what they want means you just out to get them) Good luck with what ever you decide

Is it okay to just have a MOH and Best Man? No bridesmaids?

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