Crazies!

bablingbrooke · October 2009

Has it ever occurred to either one of you that the reason such advice is given is that 1) we all followed it and had wonderful weddings so we're passing on tips that work, 2) people aren't being mean but rather trying to talk you out of a bad idea, and 3) it's catty to call other people catty?

banana468 · October 2009

SG, I AM a mod! I will delete posts that are out of TK's rules. I take that as a deliberate insult that Retread and I aren't doing our jobs as mods - not cool. If you see something that's absolutely anti Knot rules that I haven't spotted, page me.Attacking the POST is part of the great debate that occurs on the forum. Attacking the POSTER is NOT OK.I've called out regs for doing so. Being a regular on this board is not license to go against the rules.Part of being a public forum is that anyone can post and anyone can respond. As long as the response is within the rules, you may get responses that aren't indirect answer to your question. That's just a risk that you have to assume when you post on an international board.And keep in mind that in many cases, the posters are offering solid advice based on experience. In the 'find this Disney style dress' thread, the posters were offering very solid and constructive advice. Because it wasn't "here is exactly what you're looking for" doesn't make it bad. It means that many ladies here speak from experience on body types, timing and dress designers. We do try to help brides have the best wedding planning experience possible - and that can include preventing those brides from making rather common mistakes.Calling the regulars catty or other insulting terms however is not OK, and is catty behavior. You don't have to like what's stated but if it's in the rules it gets to stay.As a note to ALL posters - both regs and anyone else, you'll catch more flies with honey. If you are the indignant one on the board and your posts are phrased in a hostile way, it's going to create an argument. You can avoid that by refraining from the use of personal attacks.

sgstraub · October 2009

yes, banana I was aware that you are a mod... What's the difference between calling someone crazy and calling someone rude? I just think that the rules should be applied fairly, instead of threatening to remove the posts of people you disagree with. A sarcastic "who would that dress look good on?" is not a helpful response. Then everyone assumed that she wasn't taking her BMs feelings/wallets into account. Saying that she is using her BMs as props. Dismissing the question by telling her it's too early to look for dresses isn't helpful either.

bablingbrooke · October 2009

"A sarcastic "who would that dress look good on?" is not a helpful response." Fair enough. "Then everyone assumed that she wasn't taking her BMs feelings/wallets into account. Saying that she is using her BMs as props." No one assumed. If I remember correctly she said she didn't think her BMs would be willing to pay that much (which indicates that she didn't ask) and said she picked it because it had the "wow factor" she was looking for and the dress her BMs picked didn't (indicating that she overruled their preferences). If she, by her own admission, picks a dress w/o asking the BMs for their budget, overruling their choices because it isn't fancy enough, or even having them try it on, she's not taking those things into account. "Dismissing the question by telling her it's too early to look for dresses isn't helpful either." Actually it is because her BMs could get pregnant, lose/gain weight, may need to save up, or the bride could totally change her mind when she sees something she likes better in 6 months (this happens more often than you'd think).

aerinpegadrak · October 2009

There are plenty of bridesmaid dresses out there that don't look good on anyone, no matter what body type. That's the fault of the designer, not the bride. Several girls here have said before that a dress that they liked online looked horrible on every one of their girls.And yes, it can be too early to shop. Both my sister and my MOH got pregnant after I asked them to be in the wedding. They'll both deliver before then (my sister is due any day now), but their bodies will be quite different than they were a year ago when I first asked them. If I'd ordered dresses then, I'd be kind of screwed.

banana468 · October 2009

Careful Retread! One might think the next thing you say is, "I feel sorry for all your husbands/fiances!!"To sg and this response, What's the difference between calling someone crazy and calling someone rude? I just think that the rules should be applied fairly, instead of threatening to remove the posts of people you disagree with.It's not OK to call out specific individuals and to make statements to them that are inappropriate.As others have said, saying something that isn't what the OP wanted to hear can be fantastic advice.If I was a BM in a wedding next Sept, I'd avoid buying a dress for a LONG time...and I guarantee you I'd avoid a strapless dress like the Disney one posted. In six months, you'll be able to see new styles, markdowns and you'll also be able to get a feel for the dress that the BMs would prefer to wear - and yes, THEY get a say too.

sgstraub · October 2009

Wow, Retread... that was un-called for. I'm going to assume that wasn't directed at me since you know absolutely nothing about FI or me. Please correct me if that's a poor assumption.OK, Brooke, so I didn't get from the OP that she intended on ordering immediately. Just that she was looking for similar dresses. She said that she was not comfortable asking her BMs to spend that much -- so obviously she is taking it into account. And I don't see anything wrong with asking them to try on a different dress to see how it looks. I did that for my fam/friends when I was trying on gowns. She never said that she was going to make them wear a gown that they hate and that is too expensive."It's not OK to call out specific individuals and to make statements to them that are inappropriate."I'm glad we agree, so this entire thread calling particular posters crazy (and yes, specific individuals are called out here) is "not OK"Look, the OP isn't really related to me, I gave my BMs two color swatches and a type of fabric... I'm just saying that there's quite a bit of attitude on this board (and a few others) and it's not really conducive to creating a welcoming environment for brides to ask questions and share information.

bablingbrooke · October 2009

sgs, read the rest of the thread. She posted a couple more times. She specifically stated that the BMs picked a dress but that it didn't have "the wow factor" she was looking for, so she was picking the BM dress herself. She also said that she "had to order them NOW" because she works full time and volunteers so if she doesn't do it now it can't possibly get done in the next year.

bablingbrooke · October 2009

Anyway, I guess there's just no pleasing you. Do you think it's polite and helpful and welcoming to tell a dozen people what evil witches they are? Do you think you're really practicing what you preach? I personally would rather have a bunch of strangers make me feel bad for an hour than make a big mistake that will hurt my friendships in the pursuit of my "perfect day". I would rather keep my friends than have a bunch of people tell me every idea is brilliant because I'm The Bride.

sgstraub · October 2009

"She specifically stated that the BMs picked a dress but that it didn't have "the wow factor" she was looking for, so she was picking the BM dress herself."No, she did not pick the BM dress herself. She was looking for dresses with a little more beadwork on them for the BMs to try. You said earlier in this post that she was treating her BMs as props, simply because she wanted the dresses to have a little more to them. Finding the BM dress is a joint decision between the bride and all BMs; the BMs should respect the brides opinions just as much as she should respect theirs."She also said that she "had to order them NOW" because she works full time and volunteers so if she doesn't do it now it can't possibly get done in the next year. "That is not a direct quote from her response. Her wedding is in September, according to The Knot timeline I'm supposed to be looking at BMs dresses now (about 8 months out). If she wanted to make a decision by Christmas (like she said), she's not that far off. "Do you think it's polite and helpful and welcoming to tell a dozen people what evil witches they are? Do you think you're really practicing what you preach?"When did I tell a dozen people that they are evil witches!? I particularly remember saying "SOME" people acted this way. Did I say "Hey you, Brooke, you are rude!"? I just stood up for ginger's right to say what she did when this entire thread was made to call a bunch of girls crazy.And you all keep going back to that same reasoning -- like nice people should just let rude people be rude because otherwise they're just like the rude people. At some point someone has to stand up for themselves. That doesn't make me a hypocrite, that gives me a backbone. "I personally would rather have a bunch of strangers make me feel bad for an hour than make a big mistake that will hurt my friendships in the pursuit of my "perfect day". I would rather keep my friends than have a bunch of people tell me every idea is brilliant because I'm The Bride."I highly doubt that you would be OK with a bunch of people on this board picking at you, calling you crazy, saying you treat your friends like props, etc etc. My entire orginial point was that Ginger should be able to say what she said if you all can sit behind your computer screens and call out specific people and call them crazy. If you honestly don't see anything wrong with some of the insults people throw around on this board (see Retread's last post), then you have proved Ginger's point.

bablingbrooke · October 2009

Well, I hope saying all that made you feel better. Did it make you feel better?

sgstraub · October 2009

Haha, you're the one that is apparently all riled up by what I've said. Maybe you thought you could just keep "babling" and I would let you make stuff up and put words in to my mouth and the Disney dress girl's mouth. Maybe this was the only response you could think of because you've finally realized that I'm right? Does it make you feel better to talk down to people? These boards must be the only chance you get.

bablingbrooke · October 2009

No, I'm not riled up. If I was riled up, you'd know it. I'm just curious if bashing all the regulars on this board has made you feel better about yourself. Because I'm trying hard to figure out why someone would do such a thing. Are you waiting for us all to repent, throw our arms in the air, and thank you for helping us see the light? Short of that, the only motivation I can think of is that must make you feel better. So that's why I ask. Since you have now started pointing and laughing, I can only assume it has. I'm glad you feel better.

sgstraub · October 2009

You must be a little riled up, considering I didn't mention you once and you inserted yourself into my conversation with banana to argue with me.Does it make you feel better about yourself when you make fun of other knotties calling them crazy and saying they are bad friends?I wasn't trying to "feel better" about myself, I wasn't trying to show anyone the light, I was just agreeing with Ginger, sinnedambition, and aldarr. I was just saying that a little restraint could be used when talking about other knotties, there's no reason not to use constructive criticism in place of getting carried away with mean remarks.

bablingbrooke · October 2009

Was not aware this 52-post thread was a private conversation between you and banana. My apologies.

sgstraub · October 2009

There you go reading between the lines again. I didn't say it was private, just that something I said must have riled you up or else you wouldn't have felt so compelled to start arguing with me when I never said anything against you.

bablingbrooke · October 2009

By accusing someone of inserting herself into a conversation, the necessary implication is that you considered it private. But alright, you win. I give up.

banana468 · October 2009

EVERYONE!!! COOL IT.This entire thread is getting out of hand. You don't have to like the advice but the comments are now beyond the point of civility.Let's agree to disagree and MOVE ON from picking apart the posts.Now if you'll excuse me, I have a baseball game to watch!

megk8oz · October 2009

Brooke, you're crazy. And rude.Just thought you should know that. I'm a giver like that.

bablingbrooke · October 2009

You know me, one big ball of crazy.

BJsGirl827 · October 2009

Wow! And to think I'm one of those 'crazies' this was started in honor of. What was that about AE's and someone not having time because they have a job? Funny I have a full time job too. Whaddyaknow?Maybe instead of writing everyone off as a troll who you disagree with, maybe you should step out from behind the rock under the bridge?

stina93446 · October 2009

BJ, I am in no way calling you out as a troll, I was just making a comment on how we are getting a lot more brides this week that want to fire bms.

stina93446 · October 2009

Oh wait a minute, yeah sorry, this post WAS about you....lol

stina93446 · October 2009

I know....whoops! If it makes anyone feel better (BJ) I wrote you in as an example. There are way more people on here that have similar issues.

BJsGirl827 · October 2009

Nah, its fine. I enjoy reading the stuff you 'ladies' write about me. Its entertaining. You know, since I'm a troll and all.

stina93446 · October 2009

Ladies was in parenthesis which means that we're not ladies. I didn't see any fangs come out.

Crazies!

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