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Who is divorced? i'm confused...

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Re: Who is divorced? i'm confused...

  • Oh wendy. I wish you the best of luck. I am sorry to hear this and I cannot imagine how hearwrenching it must be to have Connor thrust into it too.
  • Is this tied at all to the bipolar disorder or is that comopletely unrelated?
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  • It's pretty tied together fallin and it has escalated so much over the last couple of years. I don't know at what point you draw the line that says 'disorder or not, I can't live like this'. Oklahoma is a community property state, so, for example, he defaults on his truck payments or student loans, that's on me too.
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  • I hope things resolve peacefully. Is he on any medication?
  • It's pretty tied together fallin and it has escalated so much over the last couple of years. I don't know at what point you draw the line that says 'disorder or not, I can't live like this'. Oklahoma is a community property state, so, for example, he defaults on his truck payments or student loans, that's on me too. Mental illness cannot be easy to live with.If you feel like it is inevitable, I strongly suggest visiting an attorney to find out what step you can/should take to prevent damage to your credit/finances.Best of luck.
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  • Oh Wendy, that does sound terrible. I'm sorry. My cousin has bipolar and it is the only reason I feel remotely bad for his wife. In all other aspects she's a succubus. I hope you find a good resolution.
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  • I thought there were only 9 community property states - I didn't know Oklahoma was one of them?
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    For less then ten cents a day, you can feed a hungry child.
  • He is medicated. I'm not positive on the community property thing, but that was my understanding.
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  • I did a google search wendy and it looks like community property was repealed.
  • stupid question of the day... is CO a community property state?  I have an ex who is just god awful with money and has created a financial hell for me. 
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  • I love you BFF Cali. Thanks for doing my research for me too Wing-Ed. I took it on face value based on experiences of family members, friends, and such. I know my aunt is currently getting sued b/c her exH defaulted on a property loan that was awarded to him during their divorce. That is what I'm afraid of since he is literally unable to manage money (or stay out of casinos for that matter)
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  • I can imagine the financial part is rather scary. I co-signed for an ex years ago and it was awful. I realize that is small beans by comparison.
  • What a crappy situation I'm sorry.Connor is such a big boy! How old is he now?
  • He's 2 Aliza. While the financial stuff is scarey, the single mom stuff is terrifying (and heartbreaking). He comes home at night and connor runs to him squealing "dadeeeeeee!!!!" and I'm taking tha away from him.
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  • It won't be the same but you'll find the new normal.
  • i am sorry about that. i don't know what to say beyond you have to do whatever it takes to have a healthy environemtn for yourself and your child. You are not going to be the first to go through this with a child. You are a good person and you are smart and sane. You can do this and things will be ok.
  • Aw Wendy, you aren't taking that away from him. This isn't your fault.
  • I wouldn't say it's not my fault, I realize that I have my faults that have contributed and ultimately I'm the one making the call now since his current stance is to do whatever it takes to repair the marriage and I've all but given up.
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  • He comes home at night and connor runs to him squealing "dadeeeeeee!!!!" and I'm taking tha away from him. Aw, that's tough, Wendy.  I was a Daddy's girl as a kid and I'm sure that played a part in my mom staying.  I was too little to realize that my dad was an alcoholic and the situation was unhealthy for everyone.  My mom didn't take away the daily contact but what she traded to give me (and probably her) that relationship was peace and security (not in the physical sense--my dad was not abusive at all, more a happy drunk) for both of us. Living with someone who is unstable is damaging, so is living in a situation where you know your parents aren't happy.
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  • =( That just broke my heart. My parents split when I was 3, then my mom split from my stepdad when my sister (his daughter) was 5. We all went through some rough patches, but now that we're all grown up I think we'd definitely say that we'd rather our parents be happy on their own than together for our sake and miserable. I don't remember my parents' divorce very well, but I was a pre-teen/teen when stuff started to go south with my stepdad. The constant fighting and fear of when something was going to blow up was awful. Just awful. I'm so sorry you have to go through this Wendy. I wish I could give you a hug.

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  • This makes me so sad for you and for Connor, Wendy. But remember, it's no good for Connor to grow up in a home where two people don't want to be together anymore, either. You both can have a quality relationship with your son if everyone is willing to put in the work it takes.
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  • I am so glad my parents are not together anymore. I know it is different because I was 14 when they split but honestly it was the best thing for all of us. Connor will be okay and grow up knowing he is loved. 
  • I know these things in my head.  It's still a very hard decision to make and I appreciate the encouragement.  I think half of why I posted this was so that I won't back out :(.
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  • Is it cliched to ask if you've tried counseling?  
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  • It can't be easy but nothing really ever is. You will do it when your ready and things will be okay. There are tons of families that figure it out and make different things work.
  • I think in this situation, you're smart to gather support on as many fronts as possible, even interwebz friends.  I'm sorry it has come to this, what a gut wrenching decision.  First and foremost take care of yourself so you can be the best mom for Connor.
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  • Not together Fallin.  On one hand I feel like I owe it to Connor to do everything I can to make it work, but on the other hand, even with counseling, both parties have to be committed to making it work.  I'm not sure I am anymore.  We've had these discussions before and things change for a week or two, but it never lasts and I feel like I've emotionally checked out lately.Someone told me that they thought we were doing better lately, turns out I had just stopped fighting back.
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  • wendy, I think I became a better mom after leaving my son's father because I wasn't angry all the time and didn't have to deal with his crap every day.  It wasn't always easy but it was definitely the right choice for us.  good luck.
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