New Jersey

How much $$ to give for a wedding?

I'm MOH in a wedding on Friday and have no clue how much to give.  I got married 6 years ago and the average was about $200.00 from our friends.  As our friends got married around the same time we always gave $222.22 and wrote "For the "two" of you" in the memo.  Now it's 6 years later and we make a significant amount more and feel like $200 just isn't as much as it used to be.  I was going to do $222.22 and a gift - but I couldn't find one on her registry.Options:  Give my usual cute amount and pick up something like crystal candles sticks or a bowl from Tiffany's or Waterford.Or give more.  But was is average?  $300?  $400? I know it's not black and white - let me know what you think.Thanks!
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Re: How much $$ to give for a wedding?

  • uppereastgirluppereastgirl member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We usually spend around $300, but for very close friends and family we spend around $500.  That's about what we spent when I was the maid of honor in my friend's wedding this summer.
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  • edited December 2011
    I typically do around 300, my sisters wedding I was MOH and I gave over 300 and that was 8 years ago.
  • LolyalyssaLolyalyssa member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    A general rule of thumb is that you at least cover the full cost of your plates. ($200-$300 depending on the venue for 2 ppl). Then I add more depending how well I know people. Ususally for work people I just cover the plate. Friends I add $50-150 more. Family I usually give a min of $500.
  • kewltifkewltif member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I personally would rather have more cash than cash plus a gift.From my friends it ranged from $100-$300, with most people giving $200.
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  • edited December 2011
    ditto uppereast, DH+me standard is $300 and go up from there depending on family/very close friends, etc. give what you can afford; if that is $200, 222 whatever, that is certainly fine and generous.
  • uppereastgirluppereastgirl member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    "give what you can afford; if that is $200, 222 whatever, that is certainly fine and generous"Agree with this-- what feels comfortable to you is right.  You do NOT have to cover your plate/pay your own way.  It is a wedding, not a fundraiser.  And besides, you don't (or at least, shouldn't) know what anyone else is paying for your wedding and it is silly to give people who have more expensive weddings bigger gifts because they could afford more per person.
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm starting to feel cheap...FI and I usually give $200...
    ~Chelsea~
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ditto allie and uppereast - give what you can afford. Plus, as MOH I'm sure you've already put in a lot of money for a shower, bachelorette, your dress, etc. Not to mention your time and support. If your bride friend expects a big cash gift from you on top of all that, then I don't think she's a very good friend.
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  • DS0305DS0305 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We've only been to 2 weddings and gave $250 between the both of us both times.
  • kewltifkewltif member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Chelsea- you're not cheap.  The only people who reply to these polls are people who tend to give more. I've noticed in polls asking what we give vs polls asking what we received there is a several hundred dollar discrepancy :)
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  • edited December 2011
    We usually do $200 unless close friends then a bit more.  Give what you can afford and you absolutely do not need to cover your plate.Between your two options give more $$ and not a gift.
  • edited December 2011
    I think that's cute. :) I usually give $200- $250.
  • uppereastgirluppereastgirl member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh, and between your two options I pick giving something nice rather than more money, unless you know your friends really would like the money.  I hate giving money for weddings because it seems impersonal, but it seems too impersonal for a close friend in my opinion.  I love that I can point out the gifts that friends gave to me. 
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  • kewltifkewltif member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    A lot of people would disagree and might say they enjoy walking into their new house that they used their gift money as a down payment on.
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  • MyeMye
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    agreed Tiff....Thats why there are bridal showers, so people can give gifts, and cash for the wedding I used to give $250 but now I am up to $300 (for D and I) - but that will def change now that i have seen how cheap some people are
  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    As long as we're answering what we give ... we try to give at least $200 between the two of us, maybe $250-300 for closer friends & family. I don't necessarily buy into the "cover your plate" thing. We went to a wedding at a place that was easily $200pp, maybe more. If they pick a fancy schmancy place then that's not my problem to help them pay for it. That being said, we once went to a wedding where it was the two of us as college kids and an unemployed FFIL and could only give $100 between the three of us and we felt like shiit about it. That's a situation where I felt bad about not being able to cover my plate. I think it's a guideline more than a rule.
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  • kewltifkewltif member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My typical gift is $250-$300, but for the next year or two I'm just going to give people whatever they gave me at my wedding, so I should be saving a bundle on some weddings, LOL.
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  • edited December 2011
    FI and I always give about 200-250, unless it's family or close friends.
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  • edited December 2011
    Ditto Chelsea..lol I felt cheap. When FI looked over at post and read the dollar amounts, he said you're all invited:)
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  • kewltifkewltif member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    By the way, I hate to sound so ungrateful.  I really do believe in giving what you can afford.  I think the bitterness/cover your plate thing came into play when people were nervy and added on dates or children that weren't invited. Then suddenly it was, "Oh, how nice of you to add yourself a date and not even cover one plate nonetheless two."
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  • DMLJDMLJ member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The last wedding I went to I gave 200, but we were OOT and also had to spend money on a hotel. Compared to you all, i feel cheap, but the people I was there with gave significantly less. It was an out of state wedding if that means anything........
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  • edited December 2011
    Lately we've been giving $250, $300 if its someone we're close with. It depends a little bit on whether we had to give a shower gift too - like if its one of FI's guy friends getting married and I'm not invited to the shower, we might give a bit more for the wedding. We do have a destination wedding next week and I've been thinking about what to give. Its a really close friend who's in our wedding, but we're paying about $1000 to attend the wedding so I'm thinking maybe we'll give a little less than usual.  Hmmm, need to think about that...
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  • edited December 2011
    @ Tiff - lol you made me crack up...b/c that is exactly how I feel! Some people may be receiving a card with $37 dollars in it. We try give a min of $200
  • edited December 2011
    I helped a bride&groom fill  out their deposit at the bank (where I work) when I first started in GA. Their checks were mostly for $25, $50 and $75. I had asked my co-worker if that was customary down here and he was confused. His usual gift at a wedding would be $50 for him and his wife. I felt bad for the couple bc even though things are certainly cheaper down here, there's no way it's $25 pp. I had asked him if he heard of "covering your plate" and he said that's ridiculous. So I think the cover your plate thing comes with the fact that NJ and NY weddings are so ever the top.
  • edited December 2011
    I give $200 for the both of us, for more expensive places and good friends it has gone up to $250.  If I had $300 I'd give it.  People know we aren't exactly rolling in the dough, so I think it is appropriate for us.
  • edited December 2011
    Fi and I usually give a standard amount if not more. 300-400 per couple is the norm in our circle. We generally take into account pp ranges, which isn't totally off considering we have some sort of idea.I don't think it's over the top at all. It's all relative. I do however agree that you should give what you are comfortable with but I do not like the idea of actual gifts for the wedding at all. With that said, we are going to give what people gave us from here on in:)
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  • uppereastgirluppereastgirl member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    To me, if someone gives you cash for their wedding, and then a few years later you give them cash for their wedding (particularly if it is the same amount), that isn't a gift, it isn't a down payment -- it is an interest-free loan.I know I'm in the minority among the NJ crowd.  But there are plenty of people who appreciate getting nice non-monetary gifts for their weddings.
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  • edited December 2011
    Oh I also wanted to say-if that's what you can afford, I think the 222.22 thing is really cute!
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  • edited December 2011
    $300-400, damn rosie...want to come to my wedding? ;o)
    ~Chelsea~
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  • edited December 2011
    Uppereast, I totally agree with you on the loan thing. Actually that's all my dad talked about. how all this money we got in gifts he had paid throughout the years for his friends kids weddings...haha. With that said, a lot of  people were overly generous and we at least need to and would match them, most gave us about what we would give them anyway/or gave them. For the very few that were unable to give close to the others, I would probably be embarrased to return that favor anyhow.:)
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