My FMIL is a controlling bossy woman to begin with so some of this stuff didn't surprise me, but her final act is leaving me wondering if I'm crazy and overreacting or if she really is that vindictive. (BTW, groom and myself are paying for the wedding - not the families)
Originally FMIL was supposed to go to Italy for 2 months arriving home the week before the wedding. I told her that they would miss all of the pre-wedding fun and the shower. So they decided to reschedule and returned 3 months before the wedding.
While they were in Italy I asked FMIL for the names of those on their side that should be invited to the shower and she said that I have to wait for her to return. I told my Mom and BMs to send invites to my friends and close family as they started planning for the shower.
Upon her return she told me that every woman on the grooms side must be invited, and that since it was a large number of people that she would help kick in some funds towards the shower. However after talking with my Mom she said that she would only contribute dessert. Her rationale was that since she wasn't included in planning the shower she shouldn't have to kick in money. This was after I explained to her that my BMs couldn't wait until after she got back from her vacation to start planning. It was her decision alone to travel for 2 months the year her son is getting married (her only son and she has no daughters so this is her only chance to be involved).
Being upset my fiance called her and yelled at her (which probably was not the right approach, but he was upset that the families were making it about them and not me), but he even apologized the next day.
Well she took it upon herself to call all of the grooms side that was invited to the shower (after everyone had RSVPed) and told them that my family did not plan for so many people and that the shower would be crowded, would they mind not coming. She didn't call my Mom first and say that she would be doing that, she didn't ask whether it was necessary, and if I hadn't found out my Mom or BMs wouldn't have know and they would've wasted money and food for 50 people when only 25 are showing.
Honestly, I'm not a bridezilla and rarely anything is about "me". The shower is one of the few things that is and she can't handle it. What's best is this is a church going 60 year old woman who's already had 2 weddings of her own. Please, am I crazy? Am I overreacting? What would you do? I have taken a deep breath and am currently ignoring her because I feel that she's having an adult version of a temper tantrum. Thanks!
Sincerely, Mother In Law Needs a Beat Down in NY