Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Re: Taking "when you know, you know" to the extreme

  • next time someone who doesnt know me & fi gives me crap for our quick engagement, im directing them to that post.
  • That's nucking futs. 
  • Your point?
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  • I actually know a couple that has been married for over 10 years that got together because their mom's both wanted them to be roommates (weird right?) the guy proposed to the girl after 4 days of knowing (and living) together.
  • Tide, if she's talking about you, I'm fixin to be pissed.

  • Tide, if she's talking about you, I'm fixin to be pissed.I think she's referring to the first story where they were engaged the second day they knew each other.
  • **side note** I think Tide's story is romantic!
  • There are a few regs on this board who were together less than a year before they got engaged.  Vogt, Tide, I can't remember who else.  The chick in that post, 2 days, yeah that's fast but they've been engaged 16 months so I don't think it's so bad.  It's not like they ran off and got married after only knowing each other for 2 days. 
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  • hmmm, DH and I had "been together" for 1 yr and 2 months when he proposed, but in reality, the "face to face" time was only an aggregate of 3 1/2 months.
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  • **side note** I think Tide's story is romantic!^^Ditto^^
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  • Oh I was NOT talking about Tide!  eek.  no, the girl who got engaged after two dates and didn't know the guy previously. It's extreme.  Just glad they're having a long engagement.  Hope it works out for them and all but I personally don't understand how you could love someone after two dates.  Be infatuated?  Sure.  But love??  You barely know them at that point, how could you love them?Tide your situation is TOTALLY different. You guys had a history.  Wasn't directed at you in the least.
  • I'd be a little weirded out if someone asked me to marry them that quickly, but it sounds like they are doing the smart thing by having a longish engagement.
  • In the book "The Five Love Languages," there's a chapter about what we as society define as love.    Part of the problem is that the English language doesn't have different words for love.  You can say "I love hotdogs," and you can say "I love my husband," and those two things don't mean the same thing.  Similarly, that flighty, walking on clouds, hormone charged feeling we have early in a relationship isn't "love," or at least, not in the lasting sense.  There should be a different word for that, too.The chapter goes on to say that it takes around 2 years to fully come down from that lover's "high" and see your partner for who he/she really is.  I'm not saying that people who aren't dating for at least 2 years first are doomed.  If I was, I'd be a huge hypocrite, as Mr. Heels and I were engaged just under a year of dating, and in hindsight, we were definitely still on that lover's high period.  But it takes more than "love," in any sense of the word, to make a relationship work, and I think people don't realize that.  TV, movies, and cheesy romance novels tell us that "if you really love eachother, it will work out," and frankly that's just not true.
  • [quote] There are a few regs on this board who were together less than a year before they got engaged.[/quote]Yep, same here!
  • FWIW - In regards to 1st poster's story about having dinner w/ the family on the first date - I always took my BFs to meet my family (dad/sister) within the first week of dating (sometimes the first date).  I considered it a good way to judge who was/wasn't worth my time, since my family is so important to me (and, about the extent of my social circle.)  If they jumped in, had a great time and were comfortable, then great.  If they acted wierd or uncomfortable, it was always a sign that things weren't going to work.
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  • I posted it over there, but just for the sake of conversation (which is happening here) :I dated a guy that asked me to marry him 2 weeks after we met. I flat out said "No way." I do not think that's long enough to know if that person is the one you want to spend your life with. And thank god I didn't, because he dumped me when he got tired of me 3 months later- and married his next gf less than 6 months after that. Also found out later that he'd been engaged 3 times before I met him.So you know.. some people have issues.
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  • Sabina, I've seen other people quote posts like that - how do you do it??
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  • But it takes more than "love," in any sense of the word, to make a relationship work, and I think people don't realize that. TV, movies, and cheesy romance novels tell us that "if you really love eachother, it will work out," and frankly that's just not true.Agreed!!
  • Well, the proposed on the second date folks did have a 16 month engagement, so I tend to think it's OK.My parents married after knowing each other for 10 weeks, but they're BSC. They *have* been married for 37 years now, though.I definitely stressed out over whether FI was "the one"...we had only been dating for a couple of months before we started talking marriage (we got engaged 10 months in, and married 7 months later). With a failed marriage behind me, I was nervous that I may be missing something...like just wanting a family so badly that I would sacrifice something essential for it.I read a lot of dumb articles on Oprah.com and did some journalling, which helped. I didn't feel fully comfortable with the decision 'til a couple months into the engagement. Once it clicked for me, though, I stopped having doubts...not that there was reason to doubt to begin with, just that things went kinda fast.

  • I was engaged within 4 months of meeting my husband, and we were married within a year.
  • whoops, he's DH now !!! :)

  • I agree, at least they have the long engagement to get to actually know each other.  My engagement story with FI is also a little unconventional timing-wise.  But, similar to Tide, we had known each other for 10 years and been in a relationship previously.   
  • arbolita it's just *quote* */quote* before and after, but use [] instead of **.  Same way you do urls and imgs
  • DH asked me to marry him about 6 weeks after our first date.  We didn't tell anybody for quite a while though (I know, really mature, right?).  And we were engaged for almost 2 years and there were a few rough spots along the way.
  • Haha, Sabina.  That's ok.  It took me a second; I was like, "what is she trying to say?!"  I agree that it is a bit extreme, but with a long engagement, they have as good a chance as anyone else. Heels - I totally agree with the whole "Love isn't enough" thing.  It would be nice if it was, though.  
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  • Ditto Heels. That is why I use ♥ to express my true feelings of love. It does better than any words.
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  • J & I were engaged after 4 mos and married 7 mos after that. And had our renewal 11 mos after that.

  • No one said anything about 4/6/8 months (I got engaged after 8).  4/6/8 months is slightly different than two days.But like I said, hope it works out for them. 
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