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Oh No what do I do?? eeekkk!!

Hi ladies I was just checking my voicemail and had a message from my dads gf. Before I get into the vm let me tell you briefly my relationship with my dad.We do not get along. We had it out about 2 yrs ago and it has never been the same. His love it just fake and I am sick of getting hurt by him. Every since I got engaged he really hasn't asked if I need anything..Not that he has done anything for me since my parents divorced, I as 4 yrs. ago. Any who my mom passed away 10 yrs ago and since then my grandparents have been there for me and my bro..they hate my father bcuz how much he hurt my mother. My wedding is a dw it's on a cruise as most of you know. Well I have not invited my father to the cruise since I really think he will try to ruin my special day, my grandparents get hurt every time they see him, all my family members and friends dislike him, and he will be disappointed when I tell him he wont be walking me down the aisle or having the first dance. Every time I see him his gf always ask about how the wedding planning is comming along he never asks. Well my brother mentioned to me the other day that he CALLED MY BRO not me to ask for the contact info of the travel agency and where was the cruise going.Since my brother knows how I feel he told him to call me for the info. Well sure enoug he such a coward his gf called and left a vm asking for the wedding informaton. WTF do I do... I truly think he will ruin my day. My heart would love for him to go but my mind tells me I should know better not to be fooled. I dont want to have any regrets...Wishing my mom was here to give me advice. :(sorry so long.

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Re: Oh No what do I do?? eeekkk!!

  • babytecbabytec member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    ahhhhh Arlyn!!! sorry you have to go through this...This is a tough one! but honestly, i'd go with your instinct...you know your relationship with him and if you feel he will ruin the most special day of your life, you shouldn't risk it. I'd call back and just say that you're not planning on inviting him. I know that's easier said than done as this is obviously tearing you apart...Sorry hun!knottie vibes that it all works out...keep us posted ;)
  • edited December 2011
    OK, I don't want to tell you what to do because this is such a personal choice. Think about your life 5 months, 5 years and 25 years after your wedding. Would you be hurt to think about your special day without your father, or would you be happy and content knowing that he wasn't there to ruin it? Will you be OK knowing that you won't have any pictures with him?? You know him best....if he is going to ruin it there is really no need to have him there. But, he is your father. He deserves at least some consideration. I am so sorry that you're in this crappy situation. Whatever you choose, make sure you're comfortable with it today and years down the road, too.
  • edited December 2011
    i have zero helpful advice because i can't even imagine how awful this is to go through. i just wanted to say that everything will work out, and you should go with your instincts! good luck!
  • edited December 2011
    Ayyy Arlyn... How tough. I wont read any responses so I'm not distracted from my thoughts. I think you should sit down with your dad and explain to him how you feel. That you would really love for him to be there but that unfortunately there are hard feelings between your grandparents and him and you do not want to cause drama and anguish to anyone attending. This is your wedding and you would love to have him there as long as he understands that all the drama HAS TO BE PUT ASIDE. If he can agree to forget everything and be there for you, GREAT... if you can't have your mom there it really would be nice to have him there and you dont want to go through life regretting it like "man, i should have given my father the info for my wedding"...(Or maybe talk with the gf first... but i dont know how close you are with her... maybe you can tell her all this stuff first and have her talk to your dad and sort of be the one to keep him "in line"?)  HTH and good luck! *hugs*
  • atizonatizon member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    thanks ladies.. I am really torn on what to do. I have been trying to ignore this topic but BAM it's comming my way sooner then I thought. ::sigh:: not sure what I will do. I definatly don't want to regret 5,10,25 yrs later.It's just...I keep thinking why would I give him front row seat to my day of happiness when he has nothing to do with it. I dont seem to come out mean is just that he really has never been there for me as a father. I might talk to him straight forward and explain my situation. His gf is a sweetheart if I cant come around to talk to him I just might talk to her. But damn why cant he call and ask ME for the info. I think its cowardless from him.

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  • avmn10avmn10 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ugh, that's tough, I'm sorry.  I agree with Monica, think about the future, would you regret your decision not to have him there? But on the other hand, you want to enjoy your day, as well as your grandparents and other people who have always been there for you--and not worry about is he going to do something to ruin it.  If you decide to invite him, sit him down and talk to him.  If you decide not to invite him, maybe right him a letter and explain why you don't want him there?  Tough one...let us know what you decide.
  • edited December 2011
    Hey,Sorry I'm late posting this and I hope you read it :)I'm actually going through the same thing. My father was not the best person in the world and he has caused a lot of hurt and damage in our family. I won't go into full details, but you really got to go with your gut instinct. I decided not to invite my father. My mind set was "if he wasn't there my entire life, good times and bad, why would I invite him to the most special day of my life". I'm sure it would be awkward for him not walking you down the aisle or having your father-daughter dance and IMHO that should be enough for him not to be inclined to go. At the end of the day, do what makes you happy. Don't do it because you feel forced to do it. I'm sure he is more than aware of what he has done to your family and that should be reason enough not to have the honor of having an invitation to your wedding.Good Luck with everything!
  • edited December 2011
    That's terrible.  I'm so sorry to hear that.  It sucks that you can't spend your wedding day with your dad because of the way he is and the ugly history behind it all.  If I were you and I didn't want him or her at my wedding at all, I wouldn't call back. 
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