Guests by invitation only?

fairy_diva · October 2009

How would I go about making a wedding by invitation only? FI has some family and casual friends we do not want there for multiple reasons. I was wondering how to go about having a by invitation only wedding?

trix1223 · October 2009

You don't. This is incredibly rude. Anyone invited to the wedding must be invited to the reception.

mbcdefg · October 2009

Are you afraid that they're going to show up anyway even if they don't get an invitation? How are they going to find out the date and location of the wedding ... are other relatives telling them about it, or do they already know? If you just keep it a secret, won't that work?Hire a security guard and give them a list of people who are invited (and the names and photos of people who are not allowed in), and have the guests check in with him as they arrive.

ExpatPumpkin · October 2009

I don't really understand your question... Aren't all weddings by invitation only? Just send out invites. Address them to the people invited. Those not invited don't get an invite... Is this what you're asking, or am I missing something?

duckie1905 · October 2009

I'm with everyone else, I'm not really sure what you are asking. Most weddings are invite only. You send invitations to those invited and anyone not invited doesn't get one. If you are worried they will show up without an invite that's something that you need to discuss with him so that he can handle any potential issues. If you are thinking of including them only for the ceremony, don't. If they get an invite to the ceremony they must be invited to the reception. Also, a previous pp is right about parishes and their rules on weddings being public events. Some churches require that the ceremony be open to anyone that would like to attend, regardless of whether or not they were invited. Maybe if you clarified we'd be able to answer better.

chosen175 · October 2009

It sounds to me like OP is worried about people she doesn't like "crashing" her wedding. Whether they're unruly, drunks, or whatever, apparently she doesn't want them at the wedding or reception. In that case, your only bet is to hire a "bouncer" or put someone at each entrance to make sure nobody gets in that isn't invited. They would need a list of all your guests and possibly photos of people who you definitely do NOT want there. To be honest, if I went to a wedding that required security guards at the door, I wouldn't feel completely safe and probably wouldn't have a very good time because I'd be eyeing everyone up, wondering if they had a gun or something. I'd only do the security thing if you REALLY don't mind scaring the poop out of your guests.

fairy_diva · October 2009

Its a handful of people that are loud, obnoxious and rude. we are having a dry (no alcohol) wedding just to cut down on some of this behavior. I don't want them at either the wedding or reception, FI is in agreement, and will more than likely handle it anyway. I'm just worried about some ruining our day. I don't think I would go as far as a security guard planted at the entrance. I'm just nervous about any potential problems

megk8oz · October 2009

I'm confused. I thought ALL weddings were invitation only. As in, you send invites to people you want to come, and don't send them to people you don't want to come.If there's people who know WHEN you're getting married, they will take the hint you didn't invite them when they don't get the invite. If anybody asks, just say "Well, while it would have been nice, we just couldn't invite everybody"....Though, I'm still not sure what the actual question was, because it never occured to me that I could just show up at somebody's wedding without receiving an invitation.

fairy_diva · November 2009

Stagemanager4:You have the idea. Most people would never show up for a wedding or any other event uninvited, but there are a few that would no matter what. These people would do whatever they want no matter what, including not getting an invitation. Some people would never understand what people without any type of manners would do.

banana468 · November 2009

Are you having a plated dinner?Have a matre'd seat guests by table. If a guest shows up and he isn't on the guest list, he doesn't get a seat.FWIW though, if you're having a 'dry' reception to stop the drinking but dry receptions aren't the norm for your social circle, it may not work.

Catwoman708 · November 2009

Send invitations ONLY to those you want invited. Include guest's specific names, not "and family". Make sure you include response cards for them to send back, and keep track of everyone who responded. Call those that did not respond. Do not talk up the wedding or share information, don't post anything on Facebook or Myspace, and spread it word of mouth through family that certain people are not invited due to their past behavior, and that you are having an alcohol free wedding (not free alcohol, lol). Ask a couple of guests (preferably big strapping young men), like brothers, uncles, or cousins, and explain the situation. Ask if they will be your unofficial "bouncers", to please be on the lookout for any uninvited or unruly guests, and to escort them out discretely and gently.

[Deleted User] · November 2009

I agree with Cat woman you need to list each person on every invite, no and guests. Make sure you keep an eye on RSVPs as well. I didn't know people are dying that much to go to a wedding.

Leah&Christian09 · November 2009

Do a seating chart and don't leave any empty space. Hire someone to serve both as security and a venue host that will seat people as they come in, but will be dressed in a suit rather than a security guard get up. If you're proactive about making sure these people can't get in, there's no reason to have a dry wedding.

mbcdefg · November 2009

If people are really that obnoxious and ill-mannered, having a dry wedding really isn't going to make them act like angels. Plus, it's not fair to punish all the people who DO know how to behave just for those few people who don't. Of course, if you want a dry wedding then that's your right. But if you're ONLY doing it to potentially avoid bad behavior from people who might not even be there, I'd really reconsider.

Kristin789 · November 2009

We had a friend of mine, stationed at the door to the reception venue - like the hostess stand at Bonefish - with a clipboard. Each person/family would "check in" with the "hostess" - and she'd smile, look at the clipbard, look up and then say, "You're at Table Number Four, it's this way" and she'd point. Worked great.

melissa<3bryan · November 2009

When I think of "invitation only" I think of that My Super Sweet 16 show where guests are required to show their invitations at the door to get in. ...Just chiming in since a lot of people are confused about what the poster means...

banana468 · November 2009

I think we're trying to show the poster how to handle things in an appropriate manner.I have yet to meet an adult who wanted her wedding to be like a sweet 16.

melissa<3bryan · November 2009

I know, and I agree with all of you. I was just saying what invitation only is, at least what I've come to think it is.

slbriz34 · November 2009

Someone mentioned that if they went to a party with security or bouncers, they would feel uncomfortable. However, most places have someone in charge that serves in the capacity of security without looking like a bouncer. After all, the facility has to watch out for your belongings, gifts, etc. Our venue includes supervision; I plan to provide a guest list, though I don't anticipate any issues. I'll also have a seating chart, so unless you are on the chart, you will not have a seat and therefore will be ushered out. If you are concerned with an invited guest bringing a guest without permission, then you issue your invite only to that person. If the person is dating or in a relationship with someone, you also add that person's name to the invite. You can also personalize all your rsvps so it indicates to folks that only the names on the invite will have seats reserved. I am making my own rsvp cards and for a few single folks that I don't wish to extend an invite to a guest, their card will be obvious (without breaking etiquette) so he/she will know they are not allowed to bring a guest. Aside from this and not mentioning specifics about your wedding for folks to hear about it (location, time), there's not much you can do.

Guests by invitation only?

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