Head Tables

Liz4444 · October 2009

i've never heard of the bus thing either... we are going to take pictures before the ceremony begins. why do you need pictures all over the city that you live in? (not trying to be obnoxious, i have really never heard of that before and i'd like to know)

KJDOHERTY · October 2009

Babbling - That's why I love theknot, it's just fun to me to learn about different wedding traditions in different areas. Here, basically all brides (if they can afford to) rent a party bus or limo to drive around to different locations in the area to take pictures. Probably because so many people here are Catholic, which means a 3-5 hour break between the ceremony and reception. It's usually a ton of fun since you bring a cooler full of 'adult beverages' and snacks, play music, etc. When we offered it to our SOs they all decided they wanted to come except for one who had to work. Good times. Although I've thought of an argument why head tables are worse than bus exclusions, not doing a head table can be done at no additional cost to a the B&G, while including SOs on the bus may cause the B&G to pay more for a larger bus.

bablingbrooke · October 2009

Ah. We just took them at the church and at the reception site, which had these large grounds w/ beautiful trees that were great for taking photos.

aerinpegadrak · October 2009

A lot of the girls on the Vegas board are doing photo tours. For ours, we're only hitting two or three stops that are pretty close to each other. The party bus is mainly for the sake of convenience; even though everything is so close, it takes a while to get anywhere, and the bus can just wait for us out front instead of us having to walk back and forth to our cars. I think the extra expense is worth saving everyone's feet.One of my BMs just attended her BIL's wedding, which her H was in. I guess the SOs called the (extensive, post-ceremony) photo tour "the booze cruise," since they all just hung out in the limo drinking since they weren't in any of the pictures.

Liz4444 · October 2009

ok, now i'm going to have to think about where in the hotel the pics are going to be... central park is across the street, but i'm not sure if i want to be that bride...

bablingbrooke · October 2009

KJ--Exactly, you learn something new every day

stina93446 · October 2009

I would think that the only reason to have a head table is to get more pictures of the BP together. But honestly, the tables always look so long. You can never get everyone in those shots.

KJDOHERTY · October 2009

Sry, I wanted to edit my post and may have hit delete too late. Liz - I think people just like getting different atmospheres/looks for their pics. A lot will do a scenic location like a park, and maybe some downtown for an urban look, or go to where the couple had their first date or where they proposed, show the city they got married in and love at landmarks (here, the Arch, Busch Stadium), etc. I dunno, clearly I think it's fun and so do the people I know who's done it, but Champagne hated it when she was a BM so obviously opinions differ :)I think Aerin and others have summed it up well, once you know your decisions for your wedding are making others uncomfortable or unhappy, then you're crossing into bridezilla territory if you refuse to accommodate them if you can do so at little expense or inconvenience.

jewls261521 · October 2009

I just wanted to put my two cents in on this topic, because I've been reading an awful lot of these head table posts. We are going to be having one, but our WP isn't that big, and everyone knows everyone. The only two that won't have dates are my MOH and FI's BM. My other two BM's are dating FI's other two GM's. I love how that worked out (: But if my situation were any different, I probably wouldn't be having one. Because if it were me, I definitely wouldn't want to be separated from FI for any length of time. I'd just have to agree with everyone else, that if a bride knows it bothers someone and still does it, that's a pretty awful thing to do to them.

emilykathleen511 · October 2009

Just because this question was posed, I'll bite. I should say first that I agree with above posts that head tables should be used with caution and with an accommodating attitude if anyone would rather not sit at one. That being said... So what exactly is the benefit of a head table? The whole point of a head table at any banquet (wedding, award ceremony, etc.) is to have a table for the most honored guests. The "head table" is the basically the table of honor. I sat at a head table a few months ago for a spring banquet for an organization I was in because I served as the District Lt. Governor for the organization. I have also seen head tables at other banquets I have been to. The head table at weddings is the same concept. The bridal party is seated at the head table because they are the guests of honor. I have a bit of a devil's advocate question for you ladies... If you were in an organization and you were serving on the board and there was a banquet where they seat the board at a head table, but sig other is also invited, is this also rude in your opinion? Would you request to not sit at the head table or to allow sig other a spot at the head table? Okay, devil's advocate moment aside, I definitely agree that for weddings at least, which are a celebration of marriage, it doesn't make much sense to separate spouses.

LarissaAnn · October 2009

"If you were in an organization and you were serving on the board and there was a banquet where they seat the board at a head table, but sig other is also invited, is this also rude in your opinion? Would you request to not sit at the head table or to allow sig other a spot at the head table?" I"m assuming at these banquets there's no dancing? In that case, I'd leave H home and just go myself. I go once a month to a bar association dinner (general seating) without H. It's just not that sort of dinner. But every May there's a formal dinner/dance, where awards are given and such. The guests of honor are seated with their families and friends, not at a head table. H comes with me because I want a dance partner, and if he couldn't sit with me for whatever reason, I wouldn't go.

Simply Fated · October 2009

"If you were in an organization and you were serving on the board and there was a banquet where they seat the board at a head table, but sig other is also invited, is this also rude in your opinion? Would you request to not sit at the head table or to allow sig other a spot at the head table?"I'm so incredibly shy, i'd most likely opt out of being at the head table and sit with my SO elsewhere.

MrsCanes511 · October 2009

Im a little late in the convo here....but its really interesting, and something I am on the fence about so I like hearing your opnions and varying points of views....I just dont see the big deal in actually having a bridal table. (please dont flame me....Im here for your opinions) I have asked all our party if they would prefer to sit with their so (there is only two of them that have so's that will be there, and they will be sitting with alot of their own friends) so they said that they are cool with the head table. Plus, I like the idea because it is tradition in MY family at least. Also, my reception site (PIB if your interested in what Im talking about) has the entire wall of glass, with the water behind it, so I thought we could set the long table there to look nice with the great background (for pics). I just dont really see what the big deal is if you choose to have one. (I also dont see the big deal if you choose not to, its just a personal choice).

LarissaAnn · October 2009

The bigger deal is the people who don't ask their wedding parties or who know there are members of their wedding parties who *don't* want to do it and who say, "Tough luck, it's my wedding and I want it, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you." That's being a crappy host. There's a girl here who had a GM back out rather than sit at a head table, and she's choosing to keep the head table over the GM! That's a crappy host AND a crappy friend.

MrsCanes511 · October 2009

Oh yeah, after I saw this post, I was wondering what prompted it so I saw that one...and I totally agree that it is very rude and a bit bridezilla esk.

banana468 · October 2009

If I was in an organization where I had to be split from my husband for the sake of the organization it's different. It's still not a purely social function. It's a social business function but the emphasis is on the business and not on the social units. Plus, the event wouldn't be FOR me. I'd be working the event and not the 'Pre' event (the wedding ceremony in the case of weddings). Even then I wouldn't like it however depending on the group, I wouldn't make waves - my job can depend on that. HOWEVER, a wedding is not the same thing. At a wedding, the bridal party are guests of the couple and they shouldn't be honored to be split from their significant others.

bablingbrooke · October 2009

Mrs. Canes, you will probably not take those photos you are thinking about. You won't want photos of you and your WP eating. No one takes the photo. As I said in my first post in this thread, have you ever seen a wedding album that included a shot of the WP at the head table? If the photo op is the only reason you would do it, and you are separating the couples, I'd rethink it. Plenty of people will go along w/ it and not say anything (DH and I have both done that) but that doesn't mean they like the situation. DH and I have done it but have never been thrilled about it. And we're pretty extroverted people who have no problem chatting up strangers; imagine if we were shy. Plus you can totally gather the WP along that glass wall for photos at any other time during the reception. Or even go outside for pictures against that backdrop.

MrsCanes511 · October 2009

bablingbrooke, yeah I totally understand, and I am rethinking the head table for a couple of the reasons yall mentioned. I dont want to do a sweetheart table because I dont like all the attention on me anyhow, and FI doesnt care either way, so should we just sit at like a parents table? Like we could have FI and I, his parents, and mine? Its stressfull trying to rethink this....the seating chart has been stressing me out, but Im glad this post has come about.

bablingbrooke · October 2009

I think that would be a lovely idea. And your parents will love it. Very special memory. Just remember you'll be lucky if you get a full 20 minutes to sit and eat! That's something they don't tell you about your wedding! I wanted 20 minutes, was promised at least 15, and think we got 18. And we must have had 20 visitors to the sweetheart table during those 18 minutes. Which was fine w/ me, though I hope those visitors didn't mind I was wolfing down food while we were chatting!

banana468 · October 2009

If you're anti-being the center of attention I recommend sitting with parents or siblings (and their partners). Just keep in mind that you probably won't be sitting with them for too long.

MrsCanes511 · October 2009

Thanks girls for the advice!

IrishBrideND · October 2009

You really can't talk to the people at the table. (other than those next to you). So I don't get that justification.

rainedrop6 · November 2009

You know what I find more rude than head tables and spouses not being offered to tag along on party buses? Forcing your opinions on others and being judgemental when they are doing something differently than what you would do. You don't know the dynamics of another bride's relationship with her bridal party and what works best for them. Just because someone is having a HT doesn't automatically mean they are a controlling bridezilla, it may be a family custom, a way the bride/groom feels they can honor their attendants, or just something everyone is looking forward to. Please remember when you're posting, that there's a difference between voicing your opinion about what you think is ideal and being a tyrant who ridicules others for having a different view. BTW, in case you also assume I'm a HT bride, I'm not. I just values other people's points of view and don't believe everything is black or white.

banana468 · November 2009

Rainedrop, I don't think anyone is saying that those who have head tables are bridezillas. What people ARE saying is that it's important to re-examine WHY the head table was the idea in the first place. There are certain family customs that can work but other family customs that can be considered rude. As others have pointed out, as these people are very close to the bride and groom, the bride and groom should do what they can to please these people near and dear to them. That means seating them in a way that THEY (the BP) prefer and not in a way that the couple prefers.

ellenb09 · November 2009

I am going to do a head table, but we will be at a round table, just like every other table and my wedding party consists of couples, so no spouse/significant other will be sitting alone. I wanted a round table so we could talk with each other and not just the person on either side of a long rectangular table.I am not a bridezilla at all ( I have let my WP pick out their dresses, shoes, hair style, etc....) I just want them to be comfortable and have a good time. They all know each other so I am looking forward to that time together at the table, even if it is only 20 minutes.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

Ellen, that's an excellent idea. The point people are making is that if you're separating people from their SOs, it's rude. You aren't doing that. It's a great idea. Many people have said that they want a head table for photo ops and for a "focal point" in the room. The reason I bring up the amount of time is that most, if not all, brides don't get to even sit that long to take the photo.

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