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ADVICE -- How do I talk to my Mother about this?

saedavissaedavis
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in Moms and Maids
Hi Moms.  Maybe you can give me some advice.  I have been engaged for just about 2 months, and am getting married in July 2010.  I'm basically just starting to get really thick into planning everything.  On top of that, my brother, his wife, and their two kids just moved to within an hour of my parents.  My mom is constantly inviting my SIL to do things with us (SIL and I aren't really friends, but we're civil), and is constantly going over to SIL's house.  Also, my brother and SIL are around almost every weekend staying with my parents (I'm a college student and am going to school in my hometown, so I live in a room at my parents house to save money).  All that to say...I feel like I am the new daughter in law, and my SIL is now the daughter.  My mother hasn't even asked me how the wedding planning is going.  She knows we've gotten our e-pics done but hasn't asked to see them.  But yet, she's always talking about SIL.  I'm too hurt to even mention this to my mom, because I know she'll just call me selfish for wanting the attention.  What do I do?  I want my mom to be MY MOM!  And I want her to be excited for me.  Any ideas?
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Re: ADVICE -- How do I talk to my Mother about this?

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    dianenjnjdianenjnj member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i'd say tell her what you're telling us here.  find time to be alone with her...maybe go to lunch together or whatever, but do talk to her.  she's probably caught up with the grandkids and the newness of having them close...but you have to be honest and tell her exactly how you feel.
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    ootmother2ootmother2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I would sit down with your mom and say exactly what you wrote here.   If my daughter felt left out, I would want her to tell me about it.  I'm sure she isn't doing it to hurt your feelings but if she is, tell her!
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    mob2006mob2006 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I want my mom to be MY MOM! This sentence caught my attention. It sounds like you only want her to pay attention to you, but you are not her only child. Your brother and SIL are her kids too. She can be excited for you and still want to spend time with her other kids too. It's unrealistic for you to expect her entire attention. I understand if you want some time alone with your mom and you should tell her that. Also tell her how you want her involved in your wedding planning, if she is interested. I didn't have to "ask" to see my children's e-pics. They just showed me and I was happy to see them. Mothers can be accused of prying too much if they ask too many questions, so maybe your mom is trying to give you some space. Sounds like a conversation with your mom could help you understand what's going on.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ditto the ever wise MOB. Please re-read her post, because her advice is excellent!
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have to agree with MOB.  She's excited about having your brother and his family there, true.  But, they are coming to her house and soliciting her time and attention!  You should do the same instead of waiting in the corner to be asked to dance.  Plan a lunch or some other activity with your mom, bring the e-pics, and TALK to her.  Contrary to popular opinion...mom's ARE human and ARE NOT psychic :)
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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