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SIL

karibassett1976karibassett1976
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in Moms and Maids
My fiance's sister just revealed to him that she has serious reservations about me.  The past two years of my life have been extremely rocky with health problems, long term unemployment becuase of said health problems, home foreclosure, etc.   The kicker is, that she has made no effort to get to know me in the 3 1/2 years that her brother and I have been together.  She has never initiated conversation with me, nor has she been responsive to my attempts at making conversation with her.  I guess I am glad that what I have suspected is finally out in the open.  HEre is my dilemna...she told her brother that she would not be offended if I did not include her in the wedding party (which I had wanted to do before this happened).   Do I not include her?  We all know how women are and I think not including her would have a negative impact on my relationship with her and my MIL.  But having someone in my wedding party that doesn't care for me and isn't supportive doesn't make sense either.  This completely hurts my heart.  Any thoughts?
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Re: SIL

  • FutureJilliannDFutureJilliannD member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What did your FI say to her reservations? Was he able to make her feel better about his decision? Is this something the rest of the family feels as well. To me, this is a much bigger issue than whether or not the SIL should be in the wedding party.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Since your wedding isn't until August 2012, you still have plenty of time to decide who to include in your wedding party. Don't ask anyone until your about 6-9 months out. In the meantime, visit the wedding party board where you will see plenty of posts from brides that asked far in advance and regretted it later.

    It would be awkward having a bm who has made it known that she doesn't approve of the marriage. So if your relationship with your fsil doesn't improve, don't ask her to be a bm. But you have time to work on that.

    Good luck.
                       
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  • jerseydeviljerseydevil member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:99702668-d7f7-41b4-9d6b-280281daaaf9Post:00252428-1631-4e64-86f2-26fe67fd05bb">Re: SIL</a>:
    [QUOTE]Since your wedding isn't until August 2012, you still have plenty of time to decide who to include in your wedding party. Don't ask anyone until your about 6-9 months out. In the meantime, visit the wedding party board where you will see plenty of posts from brides that asked far in advance and regretted it later. It would be awkward having a bm who has made it known that she doesn't approve of the marriage. So if your relationship with your fsil doesn't improve, don't ask her to be a bm. But you have time to work on that. Good luck.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    This.

    And what does you Fi have to say about her reservations? Do others in the family feel the same way? I would suggest delving more deeply into improving your relationship with her and making sure your Fi is not having reservations, himself.
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  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I mean... it's your BP, so you don't have to include her at all. If FI wants her in the wedding party then he can have her on his side.

    But i hope he reassured you and told her that he has no reservations.
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  • Shannon1011Shannon1011
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with waiting to closer to the wedding to choose your BM.  It will make things tense in the future if you end up not asking.  But if your Fi knows how she is things may not be that tense after all. 


    But I really know how you feel. I asked my Fi sister to be in my wedding, and I went knowing she is a royal pain.  I am damned if I do adn damned if I dont.  Hopefull you will have better luck. 
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  • karibassett1976karibassett1976
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone.  Yes, he has reassured me and actually (we have a family event this weekend and so he apparently felt like he needed to fill his parents in) and THEY have also reassured me that I am loved and welcome in their family.  He really didn't want to tell me, but I pretty much beat it out of him.  I wasn't terribly surprised given how she treats me generally when we see her, but he was pretty surprised.  Anyhoo...thanks for the well wishes and kind words!
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