Engaged (Ring's in the Works)

maggielou1980 · October 2009

Hi Ladies, Congrats to all the newest brides to be out there first of all. I had no idea who else to ask this question to so here it goes. MY FI and set a date (late next summer) and booked a hall a month ago and I still haven't gotten my ring yet. He's an engineer so he's treating the project like it's building a car from scratch or something. He always takes his time with major things but this is starting to try my patience. He has the money, he knows the style I like and my size. So what's the big deal? Our 1.5 year anniversary is tomorrow so maybe I'll get lucky then. He's promised I'll have it my early January. So at least I know an absolute deadline. Any advice on dealing with this patience issue? Thanks!

allakarasik · October 2009

Just be patient.Dave and I had celebrated our 5 year anniversary on June 13, he proposed to me on June 20.I knew that it would be sometime in the summer, and it was kinda exciting to me to know that it would happen soon, but not knowing exactly when.He also messed with me by continuously showing me rings online and asking if I liked them, when all along my ring was being made. Let your guy do it on his time. What I realized from the process is that it's not an easy thing to do as a man. No matter how sure they are that they want to marry us, there are so many things that can go wrong just in planning to make the proposal special. From the first time that Dave and I looked at rings he got a bit of sticker shock. Yeah, as girls we know how much the rings cost, but I think most guys are clueless.Than since my ring was custom made he was stressed the entire time to find someone who would make not only a quality ring, but would make it to his specifications.And finally the proposal. Dave is not romantic, and our relationship has never centered around romance. It was really hard for him to figure out how to propose in a way that would be unique and not cheesy. He consulted with every woman in his life to help, but he finally figured it out on his own.It really isn't as simple as we think, it's not just buying a ring and proposing. Your FI sounds as detail oriented as Dave and I'm sure he's spending a lot of time stressing over the little details. You know what, if the roles were reversed, I would be really stressed out if I had to propose to him, cause there is a lot of pressure to make this moment in time special for us.You guys have only been together 1.5 years, that's not that long, imagine waiting for 5 years, just saying. Your lucky your guy is well off enough in this crappy economy to buy you the ring you wantThink of this,proposing to you is also a special moment for him, maybe that's what you haven't been thinking about. After we got engaged Dave was so proud to tell the story to his friends because it was a special moment for him too. I work in a male centric office and all the men remember really well how they proposed to their wives, and all of them tell the stories with such pride. The guys get something totally different from the experience than we do, but it's a special moment for them too, so be patient and think of his feelings too.

maggielou1980 · October 2009

Thanks for the insight. We've been friends for couple of years so the newness and our respective ages is kinda why I wanted to move forward. But overall, I totally appreciate your feedback and it assured me that it will totally be worth the wait!

BubbleJ · October 2009

I went ring shopping by myself, found one I wanted, took him to the shop and said "that one". But that is the kind of relationship we have, it might not work for everyone! Other then that you will just have to wait.

lookame3639 · October 2009

Well I'm in the situation you are. During the summer I found myself longing for more of a commitment and he also began hinting at a further commitment also. We started looking at rings on a whim when I wanted to clean my promise ring. After a month of starting to push he began hinting that he was going to propose before our 2 year anniversary. Then I pushed that we go look at rings so he'll have an idea of what I like. Well we ended up finding an amazing ring at an unbeatable rice and it was bought while I was with him. Now I'm waiting on a proposal. He's got this special plan of what he wants to do and on a special day he;s going to propose and well I guess I'm getting impatient. We've begun planning a lot and so it's annoying that I'm not actually engaged. It's very hard to be patient and I tend to push more than I should but I know when the time is right for him he'll propose and it'll be good

rinny f · October 2009

Well, it seems like this situation is more common than I thought! I too am in the same situation- we've already had that talk, booked a venue, and I guess now I am patiently awaiting a ring. We both decided not to tell anyone until we're officially engaged with the ring to seal the deal, but wanted to book the place to ensure we could still get it (and with this year's prices!). Congrats to you both, and I'm sure it won't be long now!

maggielou1980 · October 2009

Well it didn't happen last night because my FI has been home sick all week with a cold that turned into the regular flu. I was so upset I just vented on him anyhow and he took it like a strong guy and didn't yell back. I told him I was mad at the situation of the sickness, not him. We can always celebrate this week or even on Halloween next weekend

I got a manicure anyway yesterday with Opi "PS I Love You" and will continue to wait. In the meantime, my MOH got my borrowed veil from our friend yesterday and I met with the DJ and my FI is siked about the planning the music. I'm really glad I'm not the only one in this situation of waiting (patiently...errgh)

Phoenix10 · October 2009

Wow, I had no idea others were in the same situation! (I felt like the only one, lol.) We moved in together in July, with the understanding that he would be proposing "soon"- he even called to ask my dad before we moved in together. About a month ago we firmed up that we wanted to get married July 2010, and I booked meetings with venues- and I finally got the ring and proposal Friday!! (So incredibly happy- I cried, lol.) The patience thing is rough; we also didn't tell people, except my best friend. Didn't want to deal with the "ohh let me see your ring!"- and have nothing to show them. Just remember that he has made a commitment to you already, and you're marrying HIM, not the ring.

My aunt went through her entire engagement and two years of marriage without a diamond. (I could not have waited that long, but she sure did!) The best advice I have in those moments of frustration is to take a deep breath and think about how happy you are that you'll be spending the rest of your life with this man.

lovedbymark · October 2009

I, too, am glad to know I am not alone. My FI and I have decided we want to spend the rest of our lives together, set our wedding date, and are already making a lot of plans for the future, wedding, etc., but no ring has surfaced as of yet. I know it won't be long now, I'm thinking he's probably saving for it and planning a perfect moment to present it to me and formally propose, but waiting can most definitely be rough. I, too, am just trying to be patient and wait on him to choose the perfect moment to propose. I know it will be a moment I will remember the rest of my life.

I just have to be a good girl and wait patiently

jrgoogrl · October 2009

It's so nice to know that I'm not alone in the situation! I've been going through exactly the same thing! Chris and I have been together for 8 1/2 yrs, and that's what I've been doing....waiting. It can be very frustrating especially if alot of your friends are getting engaged, married and having babies. You kind of feel left out, but all in all you know you're getting married. Chris and I have talked about getting married for about 4 years, but it's only been within the last 6 months that we've actually started talking about dates, locations, etc. So at least that's been helping with keeping me a little sane! LOL! The best advice I can give is to just be patient. He wants to plan the perfect way of asking you to spend the rest of your life with him. You'll be happy in the end! It'll be his moment, so just hang in there. Best of luck! And early congratulations!

christinapayne · November 2009

Whew! What a relief! My guy and I have been planning our wedding for the past couple of months, and I haven't gotten my ring yet either. I am so excited, and want to tell everyone, but I don't want to have to deal with the, "Oh, let me see the ring!" I know he is going to get it very soon, but the wait is killing me! It's nice to know I'm not the only one planning my wedding before the official engagement : )

Anon I. Mouse · November 2009

My perspective is that it is not the ring that "makes" you engaged or not. It's the agreement between you two.The ring is just the "consideration" (a contractual term) and traditionally was also the way which the groom "proved" he would be able to financially "take care" of his intended bride.It's not necessary to be engaged, or to tell people you are engaged! I don't have an engagement ring - and I am not getting one. For me it does not make sense for practical reasons - our engagement is short and I would not want to wear something that I would fear catching on something forever, and it does not make sense for me to have one and my FI not, etcetera! Instead my FI and I both searched for beautiful wedding rings we would both really love (even more untraditionally - his cost more than mine!). To me it is not important either that everyone take a look at my finger and note I am engaged - I share it with those I care to know!If people ask to see the ring once they know I am engaged, I simply tell them I chose not to have an engagement ring, and that we are not wearing our wedding rings until the day of the wedding. You can on the other hand simply say you are waiting for yours. I don't see why you need to hide the engagement or such from everyone simply as you are waiting for the ring still.

tafft1 · November 2009

My boyfriend keeps asking and telling me about what he thinks about our wedding , and what he cant wait to experiece , etc and yet we aren't officially engaged yet either. The ring has a deposit and he keeps saying he dosen't know how long he can wait to just buy it. Money isn't an issue for the ring i think he just wants to surprise me but even said yesterday "i'm thinking of picking up something Saturday.." , and when i asked what that was being oblivious he said the ring , and i was beaming feeling lucky he is just as anxious to tell everyone as i am.We are planning a long engagement , and for a wedding in spring/summer of 2011 but he asks me daily about ideas for the wedding and such. Though of course i am not making actual reservations or decisons on venues. etc , what i am doing is trying to figure out a guest list even though it will be small - 50 to 75ish most likely - i think it's a good place to start. More than anything i am compiling ideas , looks i like , color schemes , the basics if you will. Once it is official is when i will start taking more steps but i am just thrilled knowing this is real , i am not dreaming and we are insanely happy in love.As in a post above , a ring in my eyes is only a symbol not a binding contract or telling of the commitment shared between two people. Of course i cant wait to wear the ring we picked out together for the rest of my life , but at the end of the day knowing i have his love , happiness and future with him IS what matters to me

Engaged (Ring's in the Works)

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