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September 2009 Weddings

Name change woes

I am having issues with my middle name.  I am taking my husbands last name but I'm really struggling to completely give up my maiden name.  I'm 30 and have my own business so changing my name is an expensive nightmare.  I didn't think that keeping my maiden name as a second middle name would be a problem but dh got a bit upset when I told him before the wedding.  We talked about it and I was just going to get rid of my maiden name.  Well, now it is 2 months later and I'm really having a hard time letting go.  It is hard to have a name for 30 years and "build a name" for yourself just to be asked to give it up.  I was married before and didn't change my name at all.  I think that may be why dh is making a big deal about this.  No matter what, I'm takin his last name but the middle name issue has me stuck.  Any advice?
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Re: Name change woes

  • start with talking to DH about this again. See if his feelings have changed, then go from there. It doesn't sound like you don't want to change your name because you are ashamed or regretting or anything. Bring it up again then give him some time. GL!
  • When my stepmom married my dad at 50, she was a well-known local artist and teacher. She didn't want to lost business when everyone asked where "she" went and where this "new" person came from. She dropped her middle name and replaced it with her maiden name. Professionally she still uses her maiden name, or FirstName Maiden Married (not hyphenated), but casually she's just FirstName Married. For her it was important to maintain that connection with her maiden name for her business, and it works for her.Anyway, I think you need to do what works for you. I think the fact that you own your own business and people know you by one name is a good reason to keep your maiden name in some respect. Maybe if you mention to your husband the practicality of keeping it for business purposes, he'll like the idea better. I think it's too bad he's pressuring you on this issue. :(
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  • many professional women -- including those with established businesses, prefer to maintain their maiden names professionally and their married names personally.there is no reason you can't do that if it'd make you more comfortable, he should understand that.  Maybe you just need to talk to him about it without including the emotional stuff, just business/practical sense.  Can't argue with that!
  • I agree with all pps - just because the name will be change legally doesnt mean you need to go by it professionally.  If you have a name for yourself, continue to have that name, but if you're changing to DH's name, make sure to use it around him, family, friends, etc.
  • I was in the same situation.  And due to my profession contemplating keeping my maiden name professionally in case I have kids...so their parents couldnt link me to my job if there was ever an issue.  I spoke with my now husband about why it was so important to keep my maiden name.  Our choices (since my happiness is important to him) I can hypenate my last name or have two middle names...he chose the two middle names :) (The lesser of the two evils for him lol).  GL!!
  • I have pondered this also.  Is it possible to keep your maiden name professionally?  I have a professional license that must be the same as my legal name.I haven't yet though this through but can you have business accounts that do not match your legal name?
  • I gave up my middle name which was Anne, and took my maiden name as my middle name! I am happy cuz I still have my maiden name, but still have my husband's last name!I went to the Social Security office first and changed it there, then the DMV without any problems!!Good luck!
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