Pre-wedding Parties

Out of State MOH Who throws the Shower?

Who throws the shower if the MOH lives in a far away state? And does that mean that it has to wait until the MOH is there? I know that the people in my department throw Wedding/Baby showers without any of the WP - the FI invited.How does all this work?

Re: Out of State MOH Who throws the Shower?

  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    No one is required to throw a shower, whether they live in the same town, or they live far away.Ideally, your MOH, or whoever is hosting your shower would contact your WP and find dates that are compatible for all, or if not all, most of the party.Sometimes people, even people in the WP cannot make a shower.  That's just fine.But please don't assume that anyone has to throw a shower for you, because they don't.  A shower or any other pre-wedding party is a gift for you and you don't dictate the terms of the party.  You can, if asked, suggest dates and/or people you'd like included.Beyond that, stay out of it.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Traditionally, the MOH hosts the shower, assisted by the bridesmaids. If you have someone else jump in front of the MOH because she "lives in a far away state" or another planet or whatever, then you will be facing some trouble - see below: Q&A: Bridal Shower: Bridesmaid Overstepping MOH Q.I'm the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding, and I was excited to plan her shower until I received an email from another bridesmaid. It announced that she'd already planned the shower and that help from the other attendants wasn't necessary as she has everything "under control." Do I talk to my friend about being blindsided by this wannabe MOH? A. Though admittedly this situation is unusual, as maid of honor, it'll often be your job to grin and bear it. Yes, it's traditionally the MOH's prerogative to plan the shower, but, anyone can technically do it. That said, her email does push the limits of pleasantness. Leave the bride out of it, since she has enough stress, and redirect your party-planning energy. Send an email to the bridesmaids saying you'll be in charge of the bachelorette or a bridesmaids' outing. If she tries to butt in on your plans, thank her and explain you've got everything "under control."
  • edited December 2011
    Anyone that wants to can throw the shower. If the MOH wants to, she'll offer and give a list of dates when she can be in town. If it is too much for her, she won't offer.
  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It really just depends.  If your MOH offers to throw you a shower, great, then she'll figure it out and work it out.  If she doesn't offer, hopefully someone else will.I was MOH for my best friend when I lived in FL and the shower was in IN.  I planned it from FL with the help of the bride's mom, groom's mom, and the other 2 BMs and it worked out great. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • eponvilleeponville member
    edited December 2011
    all of my BMs live out of town the MOH is in Utah (i am in louisiana) and the other 2 BMs are 4 hours away... Because of the distance my MOH won't be able to make any of the pre- wedding festivities so my BMs are offering to host a shower. no one is offended because everyone understands the situation...
  • edited December 2011
    Why would anyone be offended by any of that?
  • edited December 2011
    I think a lot of times the MOH feels she is responsible for hosting a shower and she may even be looking forward to it. If someone else takes that away from her before she has an opportunity to plan, she might be offended or upset. If someone who is not the MOH wants to throw the bride a shower, it might be polite and thoughtful to first check with the MOH to see if she has something in the works. This way everyone is on the same page and no ones feelings get hurt. I interpreted poster as saying that her MOH is out of state and unable to throw her a shower but her BM's are in town and would love to do the honors but they first checked with the MOH to be sure she was ok with it so everyone is happy and no one got offended.
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